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my partner has dementia and he dislikes and won't now allow any visitors or visit people

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
I try to reason why this could be enjoyable. I would do all the preparation and provide food and drink and plan any outing. Always he will either go in to a withdrawn mood if we visit or are visited. Or go over the top and not be 'himself' at all, and it is embarrassing. Any tips on how I could get him to enjoy some sort social life? He came down in his dressing gown and took it off to reveal all his glory on one occasion. Disappeared completely on his birthday with 4 guests left asking where he had gone, candles lit on the cake. He does appear OK with people at times but quiet. I am at a loss.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,614
South coast
Hi, @Star of the Orient

I noticed in one of your other posts that your OH has been diagnosed with FTD.
People with FTD have problems with social situations. They often behave in embarrassing ways - I could imagine my OH taking off his dressing gown in public too and he will often parade around naked at night without drawing the curtains :eek:

Another thing that OH has is stimulus overload. He simply cannot cope with too much noise, too many people and too much going on. When he is in a situation like that his eyes glaze over and you can almost see his brain grinding to a halt, even if it seems relatively calm and quiet to me. He prefers to spend his day in silence sitting on the sofa in the lounge or by himself in the conservatory, scrolling through his android tablet. I just accept it and only arrange for a couple of people to come at a time, and not stay too long.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,405
Agree with @canary, my (nearly 90 year old) mum has Alzheimer's, and cannot cope with too much social interaction.
She is comfortable and easy with me and my OH but if our daughters/granddaughter pop in (obviously in the old day's when we could get together!), mum's behaviour changes.
She can get a bit spiteful and jealous, which we assume is because the undivided attention she normally gets from me and OH is now being shared.
And probably because she has forgotten what grandchildren/ great grandchildren are.
 

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
Hi, @Star of the Orient

I noticed in one of your other posts that your OH has been diagnosed with FTD.
People with FTD have problems with social situations. They often behave in embarrassing ways - I could imagine my OH taking off his dressing gown in public too and he will often parade around naked at night without drawing the curtains :eek:

Another thing that OH has is stimulus overload. He simply cannot cope with too much noise, too many people and too much going on. When he is in a situation like that his eyes glaze over and you can almost see his brain grinding to a halt, even if it seems relatively calm and quiet to me. He prefers to spend his day in silence sitting on the sofa in the lounge or by himself in the conservatory, scrolling through his android tablet. I just accept it and only arrange for a couple of people to come at a time, and not stay too long.
Thank you. Yes, I now get it. Actually if one person gives him all their attention he is captivated. Trouble is people have stopped coming and when I invite them they always have something going on elsewhere. My humour sometimes just isn't there anymore. This may sound really odd but on occasion I have pretend friends. Don't worry about me I know I am pretending!
 

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
Agree with @canary, my (nearly 90 year old) mum has Alzheimer's, and cannot cope with too much social interaction.
She is comfortable and easy with me and my OH but if our daughters/granddaughter pop in (obviously in the old day's when we could get together!), mum's behaviour changes.
She can get a bit spiteful and jealous, which we assume is because the undivided attention she normally gets from me and OH is now being shared.
And probably because she has forgotten what grandchildren/ great grandchildren are.

Yes, the undivided attention is the key. I never knew this. Sadly, people have stopped coming as he can be very rude. I am determined to get more technological and zoom and facetime so at least there is a social side available to us. He can join in if he likes then. I heard of a sing a long on zoom. Going to try that!
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,531
cornwall
My dad has Vascular Dementia and is in the middle stages. He gets a”Lucy “ look as I call it(his mum did the same).You probably know the one pouting lips etc.If someone comes to explain things to me (official) they have to as dad doesn’t get it.But he is ok with friends but only one at a time.