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My OH

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
I am really struggling at present as my wife was diagnosed in November 2018 and I have worked full time and cared for her. I have had to contact rapid response as I have been exhausted trying to cope with no sleep. She was placed in a local care home and allowed to escape after 4 days , found a mile and a half away by the police. I asked for her to be placed in another home where she fell out of bed yesterday and had a suspected broken hip. Fortunately it was badly bruised and she is back at the home for a 4 week assessment. The reason for this post is that I feel very guilty about letting her down, selfish for being lonely and frustrated. Sorry about rant, just need a cuddle I suppose.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,673
South East
Welcome to Tp @AMM , you have no need to apologise for the rant , that’s what the forum is here for. I am sorry you are struggling and what your wife had been through recently but you have no reason to feel guilty, we pass around the stick on here to bash the guilt monster , give it a wallop and send it on it’s way . ! Take care of yourself and keep posting .
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
Thanks I appreciate your comments and feel a little easier although I still suffer with the loneliness:(
 

Joolesy

New member
Sep 26, 2019
3
I am so sorry you are feeling so low at this difficult time. My circumstances with my mum are so different from yours - however I do recognise all the feelings of guilt and all the emotions that you are going through- it’s so mentally and physically draining isn’t it. You sound so worn down - please try not to let the guilt get to you as you have been doing the very best that you can for your wife and are not letting her down at all.
My mum was admitted to a care home last year (following a stay in hospital and no longer being able to remain safely in her own home) I have felt guilty and inadequate, sad, and sometimes angry with it all (plus many more emotions along the way) I think from reading many posts here that it’s what so many of us have to deal with. (And I do gain something from knowing that it’s not just me going through this)
Please try to have some breathing space while your wife has her assessment, and allow yourself to rest (you can’t be there for her if you are ill and exhausted)
Sending you all good wishes for strength and comfort, and of course a great big hug!🤗🤗
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
Welcome to Tp @AMM , you have no need to apologise for the rant , that’s what the forum is here for. I am sorry you are struggling and what your wife had been through recently but you have no reason to feel guilty, we pass around the stick on here to bash the guilt monster , give it a wallop and send it on it’s way . ! Take care of yourself and keep posting .
Thanks I appreciate your comments although I still suffer with the loneliness/frustration:(
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,673
South East
I can imagine you do , It must be very difficult ,lots of people on here feel the same so you are very much not alone . Have you any hobbies ? So much harder at the moment with the whole Covid thing .
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
I can imagine you do , It must be very difficult ,lots of people on here feel the same so you are very much not alone . Have you any hobbies ? So much harder at the moment with the whole Covid thing .
Yes I enjoy cycling but still miss the cuddles what about you what is your position?
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,635
N Ireland
Hello @AMM and welcome from me too.

I too care for my wife and empathise with you feelings.

You are in the right place for understanding and support so please keep posting.

I wish you strength.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,673
South East
I have my mum who has dementia living with me and my family . Glad you have cycling , do you meet up with friends at all ?
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
I am so sorry you are feeling so low at this difficult time. My circumstances with my mum are so different from yours - however I do recognise all the feelings of guilt and all the emotions that you are going through- it’s so mentally and physically draining isn’t it. You sound so worn down - please try not to let the guilt get to you as you have been doing the very best that you can for your wife and are not letting her down at all.
My mum was admitted to a care home last year (following a stay in hospital and no longer being able to remain safely in her own home) I have felt guilty and inadequate, sad, and sometimes angry with it all (plus many more emotions along the way) I think from reading many posts here that it’s what so many of us have to deal with. (And I do gain something from knowing that it’s not just me going through this)
Please try to have some breathing space while your wife has her assessment, and allow yourself to rest (you can’t be there for her if you are ill and exhausted)
Sending you all good wishes for strength and comfort, and of course a great big hug!🤗🤗
You are so kind and thanks for the hug I really appreciate it. I just feel inadequate and that I have let her down after 38 years but I now feel mentally and physically exhausted after 24/7 care for the past 6 months:(
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
I have my mum who has dementia living with me and my family . Glad you have cycling , do you meet up with friends at all ?
No,nobody available as I have been working full time as well as looking after my wife .....
 

AMM

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
10
Hello @AMM and welcome from me too.

I too care for my wife and empathise with you feelings.

You are in the right place for understanding and support so please keep posting.

I wish you strength.
Thanks Pete appreciate your support .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,673
South East
It’s an isolating life caring , have lost my friends , they don’t call or invite me anywhere anymore as I always have to say I can’t as no one to sit with Mum. I hope you can get out a bit and hopefully make some new friends or maybe look at joining an online carer’s group .
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
346
Hello and welcome @AMM.
I’m glad you felt able to post, there are lots of people who understand what you’re going through and what you’re feeling.
You haven’t let your wife down, you made the right decision to seek respite when there was no option without you breaking down.
Caring for someone with dementia is so hard and I know how much harder it is when you’re not able to sleep properly.
You made me smile when you asked for a cuddle. These days it’s all about hugging but my mum always asked for a cuddle.
So here’s a warm cuddle from me 🤗 x
 

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