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My new status


Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
Couldn't think what to call this thread.

I have realised from Saffies and GrannieGs posts that it would help me to have my own thread in here too.

It is now 3 months since Gordon died, and I am still at peace about him dying, but I am not at peace about who I am or what my role in life is.

I have done most of the paperwork, and am waiting for a decision from the probate office, and also waiting for one of Gordon's pensions to be passed to me, and than that will be it.

I have held a long ambition to visit Iceland, and have found a trip organised for single people beginning on 23rd December and returning on 28th.

I just cannot press the button to confirm the booking.

I also know I cannot be here for next Christmas. Last year Gordon had just gone into full time care and my friendly taxi driver and his wife insisted I went to them for Christmas dinner. It was lovely of them, but this year I just need to do something totally different.

I am so indecisive about it all though. I shall soon need serious operations on both ankles and realise that I need to realise this ambition this year as I may not be fit enough to travel after the operations and the recovery which could take well over a year.

I just know Gordon would be urging me on, even though he would not have gone himself. Hence my long time ambition.

Someone else on TP asked for people to give her a kick to get her started I think it was bemused, well I need a kick, and I need a lot of courage too.



Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
What a good idea for you to have your own thread here. I would imagine it will help you to think things through by writing them down.

Your trip sounds lovely. I can understand you will be nervous but go on. Press that button and commit to it. xx

Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app


Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
Hi Jeannette

Your trip sounds brilliant. We went to Iceland one winter a few years ago and loved it. It is so beautiful in the winter.

My advice is to press that button, then it's done, and it is only for 5 days, enough to get through Christmas in a different way.

Good luck. Jan x


Registered User
May 21, 2014
Iceland is wonderful. In fact it was the last holiday we went on before OH's confusion and incontinence began to take hold. I am so grateful we had this time together. You've got to grab life by the horns. Press that button.


Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
I don't know if it helps but I have a friend whose husband died three months after taking early retirement. They had booked a very special trip to the Arctic which he was of course unable to go on.

She postponed it for a few months and then went with her sister and had a wonderful trip (tinged with sadness of course). I would urge you to go.


Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
Go for it Jeanette. I wish I could come too as I'm not a lover of all things Christmas and it will be harder than ever this year.

I hope having a place to post for yourself on TP helps you. I'm hoping mine will do so too and stop me from feeling quite so lost and adrift.

I look forward to hearing about your Iceland adventure. My friend has been there 3 times and loves it.

Sent from my iPod touch using Talking Point mobile app


Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
There is a certain guilt felt by the living, what right do you have to enjoy yourself when you still have the gift of life and the dead are dead. I'm sure Gordon didn't want your life to end when his did and will be sat somewhere looking over your shoulder hitting the "Confirm Booking" button for all he's worth.
Should I go first I'd be happy for my wife (were she able) to holiday and if it came to it form a new relationship, if you love someone in life then you love them in death too and all you want is for them to be happy with or without you.
If you want a taste of Iceland try the book on the link below (which I will admit was written by a friend of mine) but it actually made me want to go there despite the fact I would prefer sun kissed and tropical normally:)

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Good morning Jeanette

Well done for taking the plunge into the Dealing with loss Sub Forum. It's not where any of us would choose to be but here we are, trying to face life after loss.

I don't know why it might be thought any of us face guilt for living , when those we love have gone. There are very few couples who die together , only those in tragic accidents. It's par for the course one of the two will go first.

And however sad it is, I'm glad for us it was this way round. I know Dhiren would have had a tougher time on his own than I am having.

If you have the courage to visit Iceland Jeanette, please go. Go and tell us all about it when you come back. It might inspire the rest of us to achieve an ambition.

I'm still at the stage of wanting to stay at home, or only wanting short breaks in the UK for now. It will be wonderful if you make the decision to have your special holiday.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
I donot feel guilt that I am alive, thank goodness.i agree with Sylvia about preferring to be the one who is left as it was always a dread of Gordon,s that I would go first.he used to apologise about it, but my dread was that I would go first knowing how he would struggle.

It is courage and a kick Ineed and you are all helping.

I havejust realised I did do a holiday on my own once before. The Holy Land and knew no one in the group. There were mostly couples in that group but was mad every welcome.

This one some people may know each other but most probably will not . Slightly anxious as I will probably be the oldest but it really seemstomeit isnowornever.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon

The trip sounds wonderful; if you don't go you may have regrets later and that just won't do!!!!!

The alternative is having to 'endure' Christmas in this country. You have the courage already; you have proved that with how you have coped with tragic events in your life-so I will give you another kick (friendly one) and urge you to press the button.

Love from Lyn T



Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Yes now or never! Once you have done it I guess you will dare other new experiences too.

The special singles holidays are renowned for making each person feel comfortable and at ease. Also some or most of the others will have experienced similar sadness to you; that tends to bind folk together.

I did go alone to a few days on a sporting event and felt very comfortable although I was definitely older than the others.

Go for it :):)


Registered User
May 18, 2014
YES, definitely press that button, Iceland is amazing, especially in the winter. The landscape takes your breath away. Go for it.


Registered User
Jan 27, 2014
ok *goes off to find big boots*

Do it!!!!!!!!!!

Go live your life, take your holiday, I am sure Gordon is there looking down on you willing you to take life by both hands and show it who's boss.


Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
So glad you started a new thread Jeanette, though you haven't been a stranger to me, you have sent me some loving, caring pm's, it will be nice to hear about your days again.

Peter and I used to talk of going to Iceland, I hope one day we will be able to do it.

I'm another one urging you to press the button and book it, being the oldest there is of no consequence, let yourself feel Gordon's hand over the top of yours..
Press the button.

Of course you'll be nervous and apprehensive, it's a grand adventure tinged, as with most things, sadness but it is a GRAND ADVENTURE too, even I'm looking forward to you going, can't wait to see the photos and hear the craic. XXX


Registered User
Oct 11, 2012
Did you press the button??

I did a weeks holiday on my own last year with a group. I was scared but it was a lovely experience. I was by far the oldest in the group and everyone was so charming and friendly. SO GO FOR IT!!:)

Miss Merlot

Registered User
Oct 15, 2012
I have never experienced such a loss as yours, Jeanette, so know not of what I speak, but can only imagine a change of scene would be a much needed breathe of fresh air... It has worked wonders for me in the past when was going through difficult times...

In the words of the Sugababes: "Push the button, push push the button!"