My "new" husband

NEESE201

Registered User
Oct 16, 2020
97
0
Sudbury
He looks but does not see
He hears but does not remember
Talks but does not converse
He helps but hinders
Eats but does not cook
Takes but does not give
Listens but does not hear
Awake but vague
Sulks and stares when demanding the unachievable
Confidence gone
Independence frightening
Not giving or loving -cold
Distant - creating a lonely home

- I am missing the "old " husband so much

Neese
 

Anthoula

Registered User
Apr 22, 2022
2,220
0
He looks but does not see
He hears but does not remember
Talks but does not converse
He helps but hinders
Eats but does not cook
Takes but does not give
Listens but does not hear
Awake but vague
Sulks and stares when demanding the unachievable
Confidence gone
Independence frightening
Not giving or loving -cold
Distant - creating a lonely home

- I am missing the "old " husband so much

Neese
Yes, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel.
 

Quite contrary

Registered User
Jan 5, 2020
472
0
Ilford, Essex
Yes, I too understand how you feel. We had a new thing this morning when OH came down and stood in the doorway looking like a lost little boy. He said "This isn't the house we normally live in is it?" I reassured him that it was and that in any case 'home is where the heart is' and said that I am right here, but on my own in the kitchen making tea I fought back tears.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,146
0
Southampton
i get it too. he looks so vulnerable these days that he is looking to me to make the world all right again. he has gone down another step and its horrible seeing him trying to make sense of things.
 

Donk1

Registered User
Mar 26, 2022
80
0
I am sure that rings so true with so many of us. Sometimes it is hard to put your finger on exactly what is wrong…it is subtle but that poem says it all. To a lot of peopke my OH seems fine….’so glad he has recovered’ says a neighbour….just so lonely
 

sunshine chrissy

Registered User
Apr 1, 2022
474
0
Cheshire
He looks but does not see
He hears but does not remember
Talks but does not converse
He helps but hinders
Eats but does not cook
Takes but does not give
Listens but does not hear
Awake but vague
Sulks and stares when demanding the unachievable
Confidence gone
Independence frightening
Not giving or loving -cold
Distant - creating a lonely home

- I am missing the "old " husband so much

Neese
I get this totally.He was always telling jokes,we used to laugh all the time,now he just looks lost and bewildered.I'm starting to wake up each morning dreading the day and asking what the hell happened?
 

NEESE201

Registered User
Oct 16, 2020
97
0
Sudbury
I get this totally.He was always telling jokes,we used to laugh all the time,now he just looks lost and bewildered.I'm starting to wake up each morning dreading the day and asking what the hell happened?
Yes my husband sometimes looks like a frightened lost child - and other days there are glimpses of the man he was - but they are becoming less and less apparent
 

annieka 56

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
244
0
I get this totally.He was always telling jokes,we used to laugh all the time,now he just looks lost and bewildered.I'm starting to wake up each morning dreading the day and asking what the hell happened?
Same. After a disturbed night with only light sleep I wake up and think, here we go again.
Until a few months ago I would get up at 5.30 while he was still sleeping and walk the dog in the dark and freezing cold - I loved it. It was the best bit of my day.
Can't do this now. My husband knows the minute I tiptoe out of bed.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,146
0
Southampton
Same. After a disturbed night with only light sleep I wake up and think, here we go again.
Until a few months ago I would get up at 5.30 while he was still sleeping and walk the dog in the dark and freezing cold - I loved it. It was the best bit of my day.
Can't do this now. My husband knows the minute I tiptoe out of bed.
is it worth moving to a separate room so you dont wake him?
 

annieka 56

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
244
0
is it worth moving to a separate room so you dont wake him?
I could try and sometimes have bailed out into the spare bedroom but unfortunately he is in a phase where he is shouting out at night , restless usually from 3 am sometimes from 1 am. Gets out of bed repeatedly then forgets how to get back into bed. Needs a wee but forgets where the bathroom is. I have found I can stop him getting out of bed after he has been for a wee by putting my hand on his arm, soothing him, saying it's ok and I am here and he may settle until 5 am ish. In addition he has form of dementia PCA that affects his visual perception so he is prone to stumbling even when the landing and bathroom lights are on. So he is unsafe on the stairs etc
at long last going back to Adult Mental Health Services - the Memory Clinic - late September and I believe they may prescribe something to calm him a little in this anxious phase.
 

NEESE201

Registered User
Oct 16, 2020
97
0
Sudbury
This resonates with me we use to talk so much about everything I miss him everyday.
Not sure I am strong enough to do this - so tired of doing everything - bills organising his life house decorating repairing driving shopping. Cooking Making sure he is dressed right. Clean. His tablets his needs. His everything - with no cuddles. Affection. Conversation. No team anymore - feel so sad for both of us. He doesn't consider me at all now. I am Mrs. Invisible
Neese
 

Anthoula

Registered User
Apr 22, 2022
2,220
0
Not sure I am strong enough to do this - so tired of doing everything - bills organising his life house decorating repairing driving shopping. Cooking Making sure he is dressed right. Clean. His tablets his needs. His everything - with no cuddles. Affection. Conversation. No team anymore - feel so sad for both of us. He doesn't consider me at all now. I am Mrs. Invisible
Neese
I feel exactly the same. So tired of doing everything and especially trying to make conversation when all I get in response is a "Huh!", unless he wants to talk about something which happened in his life 50 years ago long before we met! I do so miss our chats and hearty laughs. Please say hello to Mrs Invisible 2.
 

NEESE201

Registered User
Oct 16, 2020
97
0
Sudbury
I feel exactly the same. So tired of doing everything and especially trying to make conversation when all I get in response is a "Huh!", unless he wants to talk about something which happened in his life 50 years ago long before we met! I do so miss our chats and hearty laughs. Please say hello to Mrs Invisible 2.
Hi. - hope your day is better than mine ❤️
 

Jerac

Registered User
Dec 10, 2020
72
0
It describes exactly how I’m feeling today, yesterday & doubtless tomorrow too. Hard when you know that nothing will get better.
 

sunshine chrissy

Registered User
Apr 1, 2022
474
0
Cheshire
I feel exactly the same. So tired of doing everything and especially trying to make conversation when all I get in response is a "Huh!", unless he wants to talk about something which happened in his life 50 years ago long before we met! I do so miss our chats and hearty laughs. Please say hello to Mrs Invisible 2.
I feel like I'm looking after a 62 year old toddler every single day,I'm so tired of it all and I know worse is to come?He talks all the time about his brother who died 30 years ago before I even knew him,no laughs or normal chats in this house anymore,I'm nearing the edge of sanity right now but tomorrow's another day?