My nana

[Charlie95]

Hi I am new here and I am just looking for some feedback and advice. My nana is 82 years old and has suffered with AD for 7-8 years now. She had been cared for by my aunt who took a year off work until the middle of last year when we got a carer for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening for weekdays with nanas 3 daughters minding her at the weekends. Since christmas she went through her very aggressive stage where we would all be hit and screamed at, it was an awful time. Then nana got an infection and spent a few days in hospital where after meeting a consultant she was given 3 months, we now have 5-6 weeks left of this time with nana getting dramatically worse within the last 2 weeks with not being able to swallow food, walk, rarely open her eyes or talk apart from the odd mumble. The family have been so busy organising hospital beds and hoping to get a hoist soon to make it easier to move her that I feel like we aren't accepting the inevitable. Yesterday, nan sat and cried all day not being able to tell us if it was pain that was upsetting her, then surrounded by a few grandchildren she mumbled 'don't forget me' it makes me wonder how much she can actually take in but just can't communicate back. It is our choice to keep nana out of hospital but I am wondering how her death may happen? I don't want to ask an adult or put them in an awkward position. Although she is not eating we are managing to feed her drinks through a straw of 7up or those filling meals in a milkshake but I know eventually her swallow will eventually go so will she starve to death? It is frustrating knowing it's not long but not knowing how long. I didn't know how AD ended and am not prepared. Also I feel like there will be a huge hole because we are an extremely close family that has always evolved around nana. Also I know some of our family believes in an afterlife and it makes me wondering will it be the AD nana that doesn't recognise us watching over us or the woman she was before AD

 

[cragmaid]

Hello Charlie, I am so sorry that your nan's illness has meant you coming here for help.
So first thing, your Nana has an illness which is causing her body to shut down. It stops people from eating or drinking properly, it stops her from realising that her illness is making her worse, not the people she loves. It means she gets angry and can only express it by shouting or hitting out at the ones who are trying to help her.............all of these things are the illness, not Nana.
Now her Doctor has said that she is not going to last too long. He said about three months, but her body and the illness don't work to the same timetable and it might happen sooner than this or it might happen later. Often what happens is that her body will get weaker and she might start to sleep for long spells, not waking for food or drink or when people are talking to her. Eventually she will just sleep away. Some people will go peacefully and some will fight, yell and scream until their last breath. She is not eating much now, but remember that her body is not making huge demands, she's not walking about not getting exercise. She isn't " starving to death". You must ask whoever is looking after her medication to check that she is written up for painkillers and make sure that she takes them. There is no reason for her to feel any pain.

Now as for your last bit......anyone who has faith in an afterlife will say the same, The nana who will watch over you all will be whole, with no illness and no pain.
Take care Charlie, it's a lot to contend with. Keep posting and asking questions. Good luck.

 

[starryuk]

Hello Charlie,

I am sorry your family and your nana are going through this. Cragmaid has explained things well for you though. It is very sad, but not really scary. I was with my mum and my dad when they were dying. Your nana will sleep more and more. Towards the end she may not wake at all, but simply stop breathing. A district nurse may come in to make sure your nana is comfortable and not in any pain.

I think most people stop wanting to eat when they are near the end of their lives so I don't think your nana will feel starving hungry either. She must feel very safe with all her family round her.