My Nana...we don't know what to do :(

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by aeg85, May 12, 2015.

  1. aeg85

    aeg85 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2014
    6
    Durham
    I would like some advice regarding my Nana and I don't know what to do, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

    A bit of background information, my Nana is 78 and currently lives with her husband who is 91. He can't walk very well or do much for himself so my Nana cares for him, she cooks his meals, helps him in the bathroom and dresses him, so he's very dependent on her. All of his family live close by, they actually moved to be near him but they don't do much to help them and very rarely pop in. My Mum and I live separately, but my Mum doesn't drive and I live quite a bit away so we only go to see my Nana when I can come over in my car, which is usually once a week. We call everyday to check everything is ok.

    My Nana was diagnosed with Alzheimer's towards the end of last year, we knew something was up because she started to ask the same questions in our conversations. An incident occurred last year where my Nana overdosed on Codeine because she had forgotten how many she had taken, turns out that we're very lucky she's still here. We realised that they both didn't understand how to use their Medipacks properly, so this prompted us to hire carers who come in 3 times a day to give them their medication, although they don't do much else around the house.

    Recently, my Nana seems to be getting worse, she takes the bus in to town nearly everyday and we're terrified she'll get lost. She chucked out her mobile phone and has lost her bank card twice in the past month. My Mum and I have discussed putting her in to a home near my Mum or having a full time carer for her to keep an eye on her but the problem is her husband.

    We had a chat with him at the weekend and all he could say was that he was fine, but we know this, he's only fine because my Nana cares form him. We discussed my Nana's welfare and he seemed to take it all in, but after a phone call just before he was shouting in the background that he didn't want any more help.

    This situation has brought me to tears, there's only me and Mum as her brother is nowhere to be seen. If my Nana's husband keeps resisting we may have to split them up but I know they don't want that and unfortunately my Nana will always agree with what he says. My Mum and I have registered as LPA's for her too, we're desperately trying to get her the help she needs. Her husband's children (they're all in their 60s') don't do anything because they're happy to think that my Nana looks after him. I just don't know what we should do...has anyone else been in this situation? Any guidance would be so appreciated!

    Thank you :)
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,489
    Female
    London
    Basically, they both need care now. They could both go into a home but it's not certain they will end up in the same one, plus your grandad can refuse to go, having mental capacity.

    So the other option is care in the home that enables them to stay together. Carers 4 times a day might not be enough but a live in carer might be very expensive. And if they won't allow any help in the house you'll have a problem. I still think you should ask for a care assessment so you can find out what's available. Also, get in touch with Age UK, Alzheimer's Society and the Carers Centre as apart from everything else, they could try and persuade them to accept help.
     
  3. Rheme

    Rheme Registered User

    Nov 23, 2013
    159
    England
    Get in touch with the social workers and ask for help regarding care. It is surprising what is available. Hopefully, you will be able to keep them both together at home.
     

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