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My name is Jillybeanz and I would appreciate advice re my 86 year old father in law.


New member
Sep 14, 2019
He has vascular dementia. Recently we found him without clothes at home, wanting to end it all and having turned the house upside down. He was admitted to hospital with a water infection.
He has now been moved onto a dementia ward as he has become very aggressive. He is sometimes very tearful yet other times very aggressive. He shows signs of paranoia about the staff. He will shortly be discharged. He very much needs a care home as he is diabetic and too confused to live at home with his 87 year old frail wife, who has been in hospital for the past 5 months, but whom is due home with a care package.
Please advise how to begin getting him the care that he desperately needs.


Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
North Manchester


Registered User
May 7, 2019
Hi! I care for my dad who is 86,diabetic and has vascular dementia..Dad has very poor mobility....Your father in law will need to be assessed.You will need to contact Social Services.They will be able to help...My dad was assessed in hospital and then came home with a package of care.Dad is self funded......

There are more people on here that have more knowledge about how these things work ,than me...
They will be able to tell you more..


Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
Mid Lincs
My OH was in hospital and they wouldn't allow him home until a care package was in place, even tho' he is self funding. They left it to me find care and decide what care I had but told ne what they believed the minimum should be. The OT came out to access the house so they could put in place the equipment he needed, profile bed, hoist etc. All in all it took 3 weeks to sort after they said he was medically fit for discharge.

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Jillybeanz. That is a hard situation for you to deal with. I hope your mother in law will be ok once she settles in at home again.
When my partner left hospital with a care package 6 years ago it was the doctor who had spoken to the hospital social worker to set it up. Does your local hospital have a social work dept? The links Nitram posted should hopefully give you the info on that question. Speaking to the doctors or if possible the consultant before they even get to the discharge process would be worth your while I think, from my own experience.