my mum

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello maryelaine,

Nobody can tell you how you should be feeling because anything you feel is justified.

But anger only hurts the person who is angry. It is a wasted emotion which doesn`t help anyone.

Take care xx


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Hello Mary. Can but ry to imagine how you must be feeling, because this is 'your mum' you are talking about.

Anger is good, anger is fine, but please try to use it.
Try to change whatever is wrong, otherwise your anger can be wasted.

Channel that energy into making life as comfortable as you can for your dear mum, that's if you cannot change the situation.

We all feel differently. Try to use your energy to something positive.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
i am very angry because my mum as iknew her is gone

I know that feeing l oh so well .

Anger can turn to sadness depression if you don't channel it out , how did I channel it out ? I cry it out I put music on very load and I dance it out on my own when every one was out of the house . or I would scream into a pillow .

I read up about grief . could never of imagine they could be a living grief , they is 5 stages of grief

Now I am at stage 5 , but it still hurts am just learning to live with it now .

but I still miss her , sometime in few moment or even hours she back but they getting shorter as time go on . I keep positive and I keep busy , death come to us all but this torment of emotion I am feeling as I can not put closure on it , how can you put closure on a living death while mum still alive , its mind blowing. so only in my mother death will they be rest for me closure on it. and for my mother I don't know because she think they nothing wrong with her she seem happy in her mind ,
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Registered User
Nov 7, 2004
My mum is my mum. She can't speak, doubly incontinent, but she eats for England.

Essentially I lost her years ago. All the laughing and the chats, but she's still here bodily. I get a kiss off her once in a while and that makes me happy, but she still holds my hand.

I can understand your anger, but your mum didn't want this and neither did you.

Perhaps you should channel your anger at the Alzheimer's. It's not your mum's fault and somewhere deep deep deep down you know she still loves you, cos I know mine still loves me.

To see her sat up in the nursing home lounge makes me happy as she's looking around, so she's still there underneath it all.

Look for the good signs and days and enjoy them.

Hope you feel better and calmer soon


Registered User
Mar 27, 2004

Dear Maryelaine
No one can tell you how you should be feeling we are all different, but generally speaking most of us feel anger when this dreadful illnes strikes.

I was angry with the world, angry with Margaret and angry with myself for not coping better.

I channelled most of the anger into chasing up the Social Services and the medical profession in order to get as much help as possible for Margart and myself.

On top of my computer as I type this is a photo of Margaret taken about the time we married 56 years ago. Somewwhere inside the little old lady dozing in the chair in the mext room is the girl in the photo, and somewhere inside your mum is the mum you remember.

I get the very occasional smile and the more frequent grip of her fingers when I hold her hand, and I have learned to treasure these rare moments, amd remember them when things are tough.

I hope it may help you to realize that you are not alone in your feelings and it is not wrong to feel that way.

Cheers Barraf

mo lowe

Registered User
Apr 24, 2008
to Barraf,

i have only just joined this forum and i also feel angry about what is happening but i know there is nothing i can do, i love what you said about my mum still being in there some where, i miss the person my mum was and find this new person very hard work but i cope but remember the good things.

mo x