1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Heylowe

    Heylowe Registered User

    Mar 15, 2015
    Hi I've just joined this site as I need a bit of advice. My mum was diagnosed at Xmas with moderate to severe Alzheimers and they think she's had it for at least five years. I think we've made excuses in the last few yrs for her forgetfulness eye.
    She is going downhill fairly rapidly tho has just started on patches. Yesterday I turned up to her house ( she lives at home with my dad - both 75) to find her crying, rocking etc saying my dad was making her wear odd shoes! He wasn't! My poor dad is finding her very hard to deal with. I calmed her down and we went for a walk.
    Whilst crying tho she seemed like a lost scared person. She said dad gets cross with her, which he does sometimes but she then can't process what he says.
    Both parents are very proud and will not ask for outside help at the moment, but they do go to all Drs appointments etc.
    any advice as how to deal with these situations would be very grateful. Thank you
  2. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    Firstly welcome to Talking Point. I have picked up your post as to this moment you had not had a reply. I do sympathise with you and you must be most worried for your Mum and Dad.

    Can you get hold of Mum and Dad's doctors telephone number and give them a ring tomorrow. It sounds as if Mum is needing more help than she is being given. May be for some reason her pills are out of balance for her needs and the doctor will soon make sure she is on an even keel again. Dont you be afraid to ask for help please. Your Dad must be worried stiff poor man. Take the bull by the horns please and seek some advice. They have heard it all before.

    I am sure that others will read your post and may be have something more positive to add. In the mean time keep your chin up.
  3. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013

    I am in the same position as you. My dad is finding my mum really difficult to cope with and she is really horrible to him and acts as though she hates him.

    We no longer have any family to turn to whatsoever. One of my aunts hasn't been since before Christmas.

    Could you go to see the GP on your mum's behalf without her there? I went a few weeks ago and the GP was very helpful.
  4. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    #4 Linbrusco, Mar 15, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2015
    My Mum is 74 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers coming up 2 yrs ago. She would be at a moderate stage.
    Since Christmas Mum has definitely declined and Dad 77 with cognitive impairment admitted that things were building up.
    Dad has been seen by the Memory Team himself and has had a few visits by our Alzheimers Key Worker, but because of his cognitive impairment he has no skills or coping strategies when it comes to Mum. He either gets angry or laughs at her. Dad has a warped sense of humour, and when in a mood won't talk but will use signing with his hands, or just talk nonsense. This is Dad, he has always been like this.
    In turn it causes Mum more confusion and frustration and she can't understand of course.

    I am now at the stage of looking at respite or some kind of Day Care programme for Mum. She has already refused one Day Care because she said the people there scared her. Some of them were at a slightly more advanced stage of AD than her.
    I have our Alzheimers Key Worker is coming out today to see Dad again, what help it may be remains to be seen. Both of them also have refused home care help for general cleaning as Mum says she can do it herself and Dad just hates strangers being in his home. Like your parents mine attend all doctors and hospital appointments, but with me or my sister present. This has been the biggest battle in Mums Alzheimers. You have my sympathies.
  5. Heylowe

    Heylowe Registered User

    Mar 15, 2015
    Thank you for your kind posts. It's just helpful to hear from people in the same situation. My mum gets angry with my dad and accuses him of things he hasn't done. We are going to get in contact with gp again, but have to be careful because my mum feels people are organizing and talking about her all the time, rather than including her.
    It's such a cruel illness and we realize things will get tougher. I've also got in contact with some of their friends so they realize the situation and maybe visit just to give my dad a bit of a break.

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