1. dianemb

    dianemb Registered User

    Aug 17, 2006
    20
    I am not getting over Mums passing too good. I can't help thinking was there anymore I could have done. I am trying to cope with day to day routines but then all of a sudden it hits me. Mum (Rita) has gone (she fell asleep 1st Sept and was buried last Friday)
    Dementia how cruel is this illness? I know I lost my Mum to this illness a long time ago - but she was still around to visit at the nursing home. I enjoyed doing her nails, buying her clothes, just being able to sit with her and talk to her and now I have nothing. I am so sorry as i sound so selfish - I just want her back- I just want to see her face. I miss her and it hurts so much
    thanks all for listening . I am glad I have this place to write to
    Diane x
     
  2. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Why are we expected to "get over it" so soon? It's less than 3 weeks.

    Lila
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I often listen to Jeremy Vine's programmes on BBC Radio 2 [also available via Web during and after transmission].

    Many thought-provoking pieces on there amid music that is generally totally execrable, unfortunately.

    There was a piece on grieving recently, where the point was made that sometimes it takes 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years - or perhaps forever.

    It was in the context of a man who had kept the body of his wife in bed for months after her death. Neighbours eventually called the police and when they called by, he said "she is asleep upstairs".

    Each person needs their own amount of time to grieve. To paraphrase Joanne - "when you have experienced one close death, you have experienced [just] one close death".....
     
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    I think it's an inevitable part of normal grieving Diane. I don't think any of us likes to admit that at the end of the day we can't make it right for our parents, and we don't have the ability to make them live for ever. You did your best ........... that's all any of us can do.

    It's still very early days. Give yourself time.
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Diane, I do hope nobody's telling you you should be "getting over it" by now. This is a woman you have known and loved your entire life. In fact, it probably wouldn't be healthy if you buried your emotions at this time. Grief is a process (trite, I know) and while it will get easier, if you love someone, you're always going to miss them.

    Jennifer
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Diane, grieve in your own way, in your own time.

    I lost my husband suddenly (nothing to do with AD) when he was 59. I thought I coped very well, except I had a breakdown 5 years later. It took me that long to come to terms and say "goodbye"
     
  7. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Dear Diane....
    I really feel for you.....be kind to yourself....when my dad died all I could think was "if only I'd done this...if only I'd done that" and you feel as if you're being torn apart....your bound to miss mum....but I promise you...even if the pain doesn't completely go away...it does get easier to live with....but,sweetheart...its very early days...you will have good days and you will have bad days but over time the bad days won't come quite so often
    Take care,love
    xx
     

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