1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    78
    manchester
    As you may have seen from earlier postings, mum is showing all the signs and symptoms of AD but as yet we have not had any kind of formal diagnosis. We have had involvement from Social Services and intermediary care coming in at lunchtimes only for the past 5 weeks and recently had a '5 week' review which was attended by one of the carers, her supervisor and a Social Worker. My sister and myself were also present.

    The social worker started by asking mum some simple questions i.e. what do you make for your breakfast? etc, but because mum cannot remember some words or names of things I could see her start to get anxious, which made her worse, and she was looking at me for support and assistance. I wanted her to answer for herself and did no know if I should answer for her or not. I felt really bad, as she looked so lost!, then, because I think she felt cornered and frightened (it later transpired that she thought they had come to take her to a home!) she started shouting at me, saying I had set this up and I had arranged for this all to happen and I was trying to get her put away, and that she was allright and could look after herself.

    My sister decided to take her for a walk to get her a way from the situation, and the social worker thought this was a good idea, as it was not a good idea to talk whilst she was around.

    The social worker then said it was obvious mum was in the advanced stages of dementia ( I don't know whether to be shocked or not at this sudden diagnosis) Mum is still waiting on a physiactric assessment. Reading posts here, it would seem mum has a lot of the signs, but she is at home alone, she forgets to eat all meals other thanbreakfast which she does herself. We have had a couple of incidents where she has left the cooker on but now she only seems to use it at breakfast time and it is allways turned off when my sister gets there about 9.30 am.

    She is confused, she does have delusions and thinks there is someone else in her house at night time, but she seems quite accepting of the fact and says if they don't bother her she won't bother them!! originally when these people came on the scene she was frightened and bolted to my house in the middle of the night on a couple of occasions, but now stays at home on her own at night time, and someone goes in last thing to spend some time with her before she goes to bed.

    She cannot remember names, how to turn the TV on, but can turn it off. sometimes can make a cup of tea but sometimes forgets to put the tea bag in it.

    Thinks I steal everything from her from money to ornaments to clothes and bedding and knives and forks (she puts everything in the bin) One night we called and she had her bed half way out of the house trying to bin it.

    She won't sleep in her bed, she sleeps ont he settee, but many a time says she fancies a new bed (she has had 4 new beds since dad died 5 years ago and has not slept in any of them). She says she sleeps upstairs and the "people who vist her in the night" are downstairs (she lives in a bunglaow)

    But generall,y she is ticking over at home, but only because her family are doing most of the looking after her, even though most of us work full time.

    I am sorry to be long winded about all this, but the question I want to ask is, are we being realistic to think we can carry on mostly on our own, or would it be more realistic to take each day as it comes and cross bridges when we come to them so to speak? (sorry if I am not making sense, it is hard to put into words sometimes) The thing is mum would be so upset if we put her into any kind of home, respite care , or day centre as she does not feel she needs any of this as there is nothing wrong with her. Has anyone else had this problem, as I would feel if we did any of these things we would be letting her down, as it would be her worst nightmare coming true.

    I would be grateful for any responses, Cheers Maggie
     
  2. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    124
    Hornchurch,Essex
    Dear Maggie,It was the same with Anna aqnd i,she would not go into a home she says,but,for several weeks now I have been taking her to a lunch club every Tuesday from 11am until 2.30pm,where we talk to other people and care volunteers,and she enjoys it.
    Since last week I took her to a thursday Lunch club come day centre,the first time I stayed with her,but last time I left her there from 10am until 4pm and she enjoyed that ,she made new friends and she knew that I was coming to collect her at 4pm
    Day centres are a big help,and they are run by people with lots of experience with Alzheimer patients,so give it a whirl Maggie...And it will give you some relief!
     
  3. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Maggie,

    There comes a time with every AD sufferer that one has to step in and do the right thing - however much they may resent it and however much it hurts you to do so. It's terribly sad, but the only sensible course of action.

    My parents doddled along just fine until Mum both began to leave the stove on, the taps running and putting tea bags into the kettle to make a cuppa. They also variously forgot to lock the doors, got lost going out, forgot when to eat and if they had actually had any meals, etc. All the food in the cupboards was way past 'use by' dates and the contents of the fridge were scarey!

    My father also decided that other 'people' had moved into their bungalow and were sleeping 'upstairs'.

    Your Mum sounds like she is at about this stage.

    Practically, you and your family need a plan. The first thing to focus on right now is Mum's SAFETY if she is home alone for too long. It does seem that she has come to point where she needs constant supervision to ensure that she eats, showers and doesn't go out and get lost. If you are all working, then worrying about whether she has forgotten to turn off the stove will do your head in!

    Look at Day Care, Crossroads and private carers for now. They are great for filling in hours and you will know that Mum is safe. In the longer term, you really do need to start to investigate Respite and full time EMI care.

    It all sounds really grim I know, but better safe than sorry.

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  4. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Glad to read the above Frederick. Although I am not in that situation myself, I'm sure it will give encouragement & hope to others who may be struggling with unco-operative or stubborn (frightened) would-be stay-at-homes. I think calling it a 'Lunch club', coffee morning or similar probably helps to make it seems less institutional.
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Maggie, although all of us will deal with things differently, the advice I would give is to always keep all your options open. What works today may be useless in a months time. Keep it all available to call on, as and when you need to, by continual contact and involvement of all those services that may be of help at some point either now, or in the future. Love She. XX
     
  6. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    429
    east sussex
    Lunch Club

    My husband was reluctant to go to the day centre but he gave it a try and at first wanted me to go as well. Now he goes and looks forward to his two days. I always refer to it as his lunch club and as he loves his food he seems content at the moment. The next step is to see if he will stop there for a weekend then it will be an HOTEL.

    Keep your fingers crossed for me. ;)

    CYNRON :rolleyes:
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Hi Cynron,

    My parents have been living in a Nursing Home since last June. To them, it is their 'Hotel'. [And why not indeed - it's costs a similar amount!!]

    Jude
     

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