I find it hard acccepting that my mum isn't my mum and best friend anymore, She has been slipping away slowly for the last couple of years initially with just memory loss. In Oct she declined rapidly and now the roles have been reversed I am now the carer. I know I sound selfish but it hurts and I am starting to forget how she used to be - I miss the person she was so much!!:confused.
my mum
- Thread starter elizabethwilde
- Start date
Me too....
Hi Elizabeth, my Dad has azlheimers and I am finding it hard too, he is my Daddy and who he is,is still there but the Daddy who used to look after me, pick me up after a night out (even at my age!!), fix stuff and know what to do has gone already and this is just the beginning/middle. Mum is disabled but should be ok mentally but at the moment she is not really coping and can't seem to manage to make decisions or be remotely practical.
I can't offer any advice as I too am finding that bit so hard, but then my Daddy smiles at me.......
Ps, the other night the dog had pate for tea and Mum was presented with a dish of the dogs chicken liver!!!!!! Have to laugh or you'll cry
Hi Elizabeth, my Dad has azlheimers and I am finding it hard too, he is my Daddy and who he is,is still there but the Daddy who used to look after me, pick me up after a night out (even at my age!!), fix stuff and know what to do has gone already and this is just the beginning/middle. Mum is disabled but should be ok mentally but at the moment she is not really coping and can't seem to manage to make decisions or be remotely practical.
I can't offer any advice as I too am finding that bit so hard, but then my Daddy smiles at me.......
Ps, the other night the dog had pate for tea and Mum was presented with a dish of the dogs chicken liver!!!!!! Have to laugh or you'll cry
Hello Elizabeth
Welcome to Talking Point; glad you've found us, but sorry you had the need to ...
Yes, it does hurt when you start to lose sight of how your beloved Mum used to be before her illness, but I feel it's a coping mechanism for the carer.
When you are caring for someone who has become uncharacteristically confused, tearful, aggressive, insecure (any or all of these, & more) it isn't helpful to constantly compare them in your mind with how things should be. For now, if you have taken on the task you have to be the one responsible for keeping the ship afloat, that's just how it is; your Mum will not be able to take control of this situation.
But you won't forget who Mum 'was', it will come back in time; you just don't need to cope with the conflict of emotions now.
Best wishes
Welcome to Talking Point; glad you've found us, but sorry you had the need to ...
Yes, it does hurt when you start to lose sight of how your beloved Mum used to be before her illness, but I feel it's a coping mechanism for the carer.
When you are caring for someone who has become uncharacteristically confused, tearful, aggressive, insecure (any or all of these, & more) it isn't helpful to constantly compare them in your mind with how things should be. For now, if you have taken on the task you have to be the one responsible for keeping the ship afloat, that's just how it is; your Mum will not be able to take control of this situation.
But you won't forget who Mum 'was', it will come back in time; you just don't need to cope with the conflict of emotions now.
Best wishes
Hiya
Hello Elizabeth, sorry to hear about your mum, i know after losing both my dad and gran to this horrid disease its awful to watch them going through what they do and changing the way they do. I would just like to say a big Welcome to talking point and hope you find the help and support that many of us have found on here, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello Elizabeth, sorry to hear about your mum, i know after losing both my dad and gran to this horrid disease its awful to watch them going through what they do and changing the way they do. I would just like to say a big Welcome to talking point and hope you find the help and support that many of us have found on here, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxx
Thankyou for my replies it does help to know I am not alone! I am lucky that we live in an area with a Memory Clinic - this I have gathered from recent TV documentarys.My mum was in recently for a five day assessmment and since she was discharged last week they have been supportive with occupational therapist and social worker visits.So I now no they are lots of Talks to go to and support groups to attend. Thanks again -once i get the hang of this website I'll be back again.
Hi Elizabeth
You are not alone. My mother has been the dominant force in my life all my life, and it is frightening to experience the reversal of roles, as in effect you become the parent and they become the child.
I can't offer you a quick fix - if there is one, I don't know of it. For me, it has just been a gradual coming to terms with the way things are. During that process, it has hurt like hell; mentally and emotionally, you are fighting it all the time - inwardly you say to yourself that this is not how things are meant to be and you want them to change back to the way they were so much.
Eventually I realised that I can't fight Alzhemer's; I can't change the fact that Mum has it. What I can do, though, is make sure that she is safe and happy and well-cared-for, which she seems to be in the home where she has been for the last 4 1/2 weeks. She has her ups and downs - tonight when I went to see her, there was a touch of paranoia about the things she was saying, but the next time I go, she will be different again.
It's still difficult, but I have noticed that I don't start crying quite as often now. I'm taking that as a sign that I'm adjusting to the situation. It does take time, and even now, I still have a way to go, I think.
Love
Christine
xxx
You are not alone. My mother has been the dominant force in my life all my life, and it is frightening to experience the reversal of roles, as in effect you become the parent and they become the child.
I can't offer you a quick fix - if there is one, I don't know of it. For me, it has just been a gradual coming to terms with the way things are. During that process, it has hurt like hell; mentally and emotionally, you are fighting it all the time - inwardly you say to yourself that this is not how things are meant to be and you want them to change back to the way they were so much.
Eventually I realised that I can't fight Alzhemer's; I can't change the fact that Mum has it. What I can do, though, is make sure that she is safe and happy and well-cared-for, which she seems to be in the home where she has been for the last 4 1/2 weeks. She has her ups and downs - tonight when I went to see her, there was a touch of paranoia about the things she was saying, but the next time I go, she will be different again.
It's still difficult, but I have noticed that I don't start crying quite as often now. I'm taking that as a sign that I'm adjusting to the situation. It does take time, and even now, I still have a way to go, I think.
Love
Christine
xxx
Hi Elizabeth
Just wanted to say you are not alone. I care for my mum too and have at many times wished there was something I could do to make this horrible disease go away and give me back my best friend.
I think it takes time to start accepting what is happening and at times it feels/is a kind of grieving process as little bit by little bit the disease takes hold - don't know if we ever accept it but hopefully get to a stage where you know you cannot fight it and all you can do is make the person you care for as comfortable and happy as you possibly can.
I hope you get some support from the groups - have you spoken to your GP - and also as you probably are realising the people on TP are brilliant, they are so supportive and have such as vast range of knowledge.
Take care of yourself and keep posting
Karen
x
Just wanted to say you are not alone. I care for my mum too and have at many times wished there was something I could do to make this horrible disease go away and give me back my best friend.
I think it takes time to start accepting what is happening and at times it feels/is a kind of grieving process as little bit by little bit the disease takes hold - don't know if we ever accept it but hopefully get to a stage where you know you cannot fight it and all you can do is make the person you care for as comfortable and happy as you possibly can.
I hope you get some support from the groups - have you spoken to your GP - and also as you probably are realising the people on TP are brilliant, they are so supportive and have such as vast range of knowledge.
Take care of yourself and keep posting
Karen
x
