My mum


Registered User
Jul 8, 2004
Near Bristol
Mum has been in the home now for 3+ weeks.One visit we think she is accepting thing and the next she is upset and depressed. (she told one of my brothers it would be better if she was dead)

Today the home rang me to say the mum was not very well. Blood sugar low (diabetic) and a chesty cough.
When mum went to the home they were given a very explicit diagram and advice re testing blood sugar. It seems that her "blood sugars" were 0.1 which is very dangerously low.

Doctor prescribed anti biotics which I collected and took to the home. Mum looked really ill. After 20 mins of my visit I suggested that mum should take her 1st pill.(sooner the better) They gave me the pill to admimister to mum.
Mum like many elderly folk has tissue thin skin.The worst it got at home was occasional bluish black bruising.I was always very careful about this.
Today I was doing up mums blouse cuff buttons and noticed alot of bruising on the inside of her left forearm + some "blisters" + a dressing further up the arm,
I asked the "nurse in charge" to take a look and when I asked about the dressing she did not know why it was there.

I am at my wits end. Every time I visit I leave in tears and today I was in tears before I left.

What have I done putting my mum in a home?? she has gone "down" so much in 3 weeks.
Could I cope if she came home? Can i live with myself leaving her in such a strange environment?


PS. thank god for this site.


Registered User
Jan 29, 2005
Dear Snuffyuk,
I'm sorry but I have had no experience of this and don't really know what to suggest ...... but I just wanted to send you a hug 'cos I can imagine how you must be feeling.
I'm sure the more experienced people on this board ...... Norman, Brucie etc ...... will have some practical suggestions ....... but in the meantime, just a thought ....... might it be an idea to contact the Alzheimers's help line? They might have some suggestions on how to approach the home with your concerns.

Take care. Thinking of you and your Mum (and the rest of your family)


Sharon Clifford

Registered User
Apr 24, 2005

Hi Snuffy am new to this site as my mum has just been diagnosed. I understand about blood sugars being a midwife but not much about AD hence signing up. Obviously her sugars were dangerously low but infection can alter the balance and the antibiotics should hopefully help. It is worrying that the nurse in charge does not know why your mum had a dressing on her arm. I know old skin can become very friable and it ddoes not take much to damage it, but even so someone should be able to answer on your questions. I understand your other feelings, there is always an element of feeling we should be able to cope with someone who is ill at home, various feelings of guilt. I think it is our lot to always feel guilty and it is often a no win situation, guilt for working, guilt fo not, guilt for putting children into childcare, then guilt over older members of our families.
It frightens me because these are all things we may have to face in the future.


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
give it a little more time,maybe Mum would have gone down a bit if still at home,might be just another period of this awful disease.
Regarding the bruising and dressing have quiet word with the home manager,they should have notes of dresings bruises etc.
Keep you pecker up thinking of you and hoping things improve soon.
Warm wishes


Registered User
Jul 8, 2004
Near Bristol
thanks for all replies.
Norman I really can't believe that my mum would have "gone back" so much if she had stayed at home.


Registered User
Oct 17, 2003
Dear Snuffy

while Mum was at home before she had to move into a care home she deteriorated dreadfully over a period of just a few weeks. From being able to walk a little in our local village with a frame and go to the hairdressers or Church Group in a taxi she became virtually immobile, unable to locate toilet or chair with no sense of time or place and frequent phsycotic episodes. The course of Mum's Lewy Body Dementia could best be described as a series of rapid declines followed by a little plateau. I would say she was in the 'final stage' for 2 years.

best wishes Geraldine


Registered User
Jul 8, 2004
Near Bristol

Visited today and mum seemed very slightly better but she was still wearing yesterdays clothes and someone elses vest. Her trousers were spotted with food.I thought mum would enjoy a bit of fresh air so went to her room to get a jumper. The only one in her wardrobe was "filthy".
The day staff who seem OK said the night staff just put things back in the wardrobe to avoid any washing.
I know mum does not notice and really can't be bothered but she was always clean and smart and i feel that the home should have reasonably high standards for those in their care.

Before Mum went into the home I was very very tired but now I feel more tired and somewhat "stressed"

regards to all and thanks for all kind messages.


Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
hi snuffy , wish i could offer you some comfort ,but i am having similar problems ,with JIM on the assesment ward ,after 3 week i am getting a better response from the staff but they always shrug of the wrong clothes as the fault of t he agency staff .today there was just one pair of socks in his draw ,out of 7 pair ,he was out for the count again today for the 3 day and did not know i had been sat there for 3 hours ,i dont mind him sleeping but dont know if he is sleeping at night ,the day staff said there is nothing in the book to say he was not sleeping ,but i have my doubts ,i know how stressfull this is for you .i was told the only way to keep on top of the laundry problem was to bring it home ,wich i did during his last stay of 1 week ,and still lost 3 pair of pjamas,and all his socks ,and guess what ,it was down to the agency staff.STAY STRONG.ANGELA.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Snuffy, yes, my Mum did get marked and her clothes were not always her own. It got to me too. I mentioned it, kept notes and passed them to the PALS rep. Policies were introduced to minimise these things at our local hospital. How ever, today I visited a friend and in the bed opposite was a lady very similar to how my Mum had been. All you can do is express your concerns and be as vigilant as you can, thinking of you, love and hugs, She. XX


Registered User
Apr 21, 2004
Hello Snuffy
Unfortunately I can relate to the problems you're having with your mum in her new home.
Dad's been at his home for 2 years now and it's still difficult at times, but things do get better and adjustment to the situation does happen.
We had a lot of guilt for not being able to cope with Dad at home any longer and his deterioration makes that guilt worse at times as we sometimes don't think his decline would be this rapid if he stayed with his family.
We all make sure Dad is visited every day of the week and manage to just about keep an eye on things for him / with him, if you know what I mean. We don't keep an eye on the staff, but there is a tendency not to treat them as you would want them treated.
We have given many many pairs of socks, undewear, pyjamas, trousers, shirts, etc to the home for Dad since he's been there (he has more clothes than me), but whenever we go to his wardrobe it's half empty and they are constantly 'loosing' clothes. We now put his name in big letters on his clothing and have specifically requested my Dad is ONLY dressed in these clothes. If we arrive and he is not like this we get clothes out and request he is changed. This didn't go down well at first, but it was very important to us and now he only wears his own clothes.
Unfortunately Dad is a messy eater and the state of his clothes during the day was hard to get used to, but you get used to not seeing this anymore. We just try and tidy him up when we go.
We also find sometimes that Dad has marks, bruises, cuts and plasters on and no one seems to know what has happened. Whenever this occurs we do quietly ask to speak to the Home Manager or nurse in charge and request to see his notes which should always be available to family. This should put your mind at rest as this should be filled out when ever there is an accident or anything where you can see a visibly change in your mum.

The guilt does go in time altough reappears when you least expect it. But, we can only do our best for our family and sometimes this even means something else having to do the main caring.
My thoughts are with you at this sensitive for you, your mum and your family.

Best wishes