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My mum


New member
May 6, 2022
Hi, I'm new to this...I found my dad 7 weeks ago dead in bed, totally shocked, my world changed......he was my mum's full time carer. My mum is 69yrs old, she has had alzheimer's for 13 years, she has been bed bound for 2 years, has lost all speech, can't move her limbs, constantly having uti, she is surviving on a few spoons of custard and 400mls of water a day...My dad didn't want my mum in a nursing home, he wanted to look after her in their home, he truly was devoted to her, I'm married have 3 young children, I have heart failure as well as problems with my kidneys. I had to put my mum in care, the guilt is killing me, I had no choice, I hate going there, seeing her lying in a bed in a small room, all the work my dad done to make her comfortable everyday, I've let him down, and her. They have told me she is receiving end of life care, it is very, very hard to watch, I want her to be at peace have no pain, I find I pray to dad, please take her, don't make her suffer any longer ......how can I think that, she's my mum, and I love her, although she doesn't talk, doesn't laugh, doesn't smile, can't eat or drink and is fighting a battle everyday, she is still my mum. I know the end is coming, but I don't think I can take anymore heartache, both my mum and dad taken from me 💔


Registered User
Mar 17, 2022
I am so sorry. Please try not to feel guilty, I know that's difficult but your mum is in the best place she could be. You haven't let either her or your dad down, there wasn't anything you could have done to change this. Now you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
oh @Globug such a sad post
so sorry for the loss of your dad ... how hard for you to be both grieving and looking after your mum

you didn't 'put' your mum anywhere ... the dementia has affected her so much that you, kind and loving child you are, moved her to a home where she can receive the support and care she needs

and you wish her passing to be swift and peaceful because you love her and want her to find peace ... we here wholly understand

I wish there was more I could do than send much sympathy ... please keep posting if it helps you
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Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
That must have come as a shock to you @Globug

Please ditch the guilt. people with dementia at end of life need round the clock care. Your mum is in the best place where she can be looked after, day and night. Let the nursing home tend to her. They know what to do and how to do this. The physical changes can be distressing and concerning if you are not expecting them and it can be very stressful. You can be her daughter and sit with her, read to her, play her favourite music and tell her the old family stories. Even if she does not appear to respond she will be able to hear you. When mum was at end of life she had not made any response for a few days, but I had been advised that she could still hear, so I sang her favourite song to her. When I finished mum opened one eye and said, quietly, but distinctly, - you missed a beat! And she was right, I had. So I learned that, yes, they can still hear.

We can hold your virtual hand and help you through this time, if you wish. Be gentle with yourself and dont forget to eat and sleep.