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My Mum

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
463
Mid Lincs
Welcome to DTP. I'm so sorry to hear of your plight. Hind sight is such a waste of emotions, we do what we think is best at the time. No one can ask more of you. Please don't beat yourself up about it and you certainly haven't let your mum down.
Please feel free to keep posting here no one judges you, but everyone will support you.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,387
Nottinghamshire
Welcome from me too @darrenjk

please don’t feel guilty about the decisions you’ve been forced to take. My mum broke her hip while she was living at home and thereafter followed a rapid deterioration. It’s impossible to stop someone falling once they lose their balance even if you’re standing right beside them as my dad was with my mum.

My dad, at the end, didn’t recognise his own home as his dementia progressed.

I understand your upset and your apathy. Dementia takes its toll on the carers too. Feel free to post here. I’ve always found it helps.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,258
South coast
Please dont beat yourself up. Your mum was already going downhill before she moved - that was why you moved her! She may have continued to deteriorate rapidly, even if she had been at home. My mum went from being able to wash and dress herself, looking after her home and cooking for herself to not washing, changing her clothes, being unable to cook for herself, becoming incontinent and wandering outside in the wee small hours dressed only in her nightwear, all in the space of 6 months - and she had not moved.

Im afraid that falls, broken bones and surgery often progress dementia. It was a fall breaking her hip and having surgery that progressed mum to End of Life. She never recovered from the hip surgery and passed away a month later.
It is almost impossible to prevent falls - someone can be stood right next to you and just go down.

You cannot win with dementia - the eventual outcome is always the same and you did what seemed to be the best thing at the time.
xx
 

darrenjk

New member
Feb 27, 2020
3
Please dont beat yourself up. Your mum was already going downhill before she moved - that was why you moved her! She may have continued to deteriorate rapidly, even if she had been at home. My mum went from being able to wash and dress herself, looking after her home and cooking for herself to not washing, changing her clothes, being unable to cook for herself, becoming incontinent and wandering outside in the wee small hours dressed only in her nightwear, all in the space of 6 months - and she had not moved.

Im afraid that falls, broken bones and surgery often progress dementia. It was a fall breaking her hip and having surgery that progressed mum to End of Life. She never recovered from the hip surgery and passed away a month later.
It is almost impossible to prevent falls - someone can be stood right next to you and just go down.

You cannot win with dementia - the eventual outcome is always the same and you did what seemed to be the best thing at the time.
xx
Please dont beat yourself up. Your mum was already going downhill before she moved - that was why you moved her! She may have continued to deteriorate rapidly, even if she had been at home. My mum went from being able to wash and dress herself, looking after her home and cooking for herself to not washing, changing her clothes, being unable to cook for herself, becoming incontinent and wandering outside in the wee small hours dressed only in her nightwear, all in the space of 6 months - and she had not moved.

Im afraid that falls, broken bones and surgery often progress dementia. It was a fall breaking her hip and having surgery that progressed mum to End of Life. She never recovered from the hip surgery and passed away a month later.
It is almost impossible to prevent falls - someone can be stood right next to you and just go down.

You cannot win with dementia - the eventual outcome is always the same and you did what seemed to be the best thing at the time.
xx
Thanks, i do beat myself up but its a natural reaction I think, I don't carry around with me all the time just on bad days, sorry to hear about your mum, and thanks for the response, just getting things out has helped today. I remember my my mum just before xmas she had her knickers over her jeans like superman and had 7 socks on one foot and 2 bras on, it was funny at the time , but not also. take care x
 

darrenjk

New member
Feb 27, 2020
3
Welcome to DTP. I'm so sorry to hear of your plight. Hind sight is such a waste of emotions, we do what we think is best at the time. No one can ask more of you. Please don't beat yourself up about it and you certainly haven't let your mum down.
Please feel free to keep posting here no one judges you, but everyone will support you.
thank you
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
82
...it was funny at the time , but not also. take care x
Funny is funny. You can't spend your whole life being miserable even though the underlying causes of the comedy are tragic. My father sometimes gets incredibly amused by some of the things he does - he made a complete hash of eating an ice-cream the other day and couldn't stop giggling about it. He's forgotten about it now but it was hilarious at the time. Didn't read your original post but it sounds as if you are doing the right thing. Venting on here is cathartic.