My Mum won't talk to me...

flowerpetals

Registered User
Mar 6, 2015
32
0
Sorry, I know that the whole world is worried about Coronavirus and the news is terribly depressing. My anxiety has hit through the roof now when I learned that my Mum who has Alzheimers, took herself off on a shopping trip yesterday by herself. Catching the bus there and back, probably eating out without caring for her hands. London is rife with the virus and I know that there has been some cases in that area. I had taken her out the day before and got her loads of shopping, I'm not that well myself but I feel I put my Mum self a lot before me.

My Mum is 81, and had half of her lung removed due to lung cancer just under 2 years ago. She's been in hospital twice with pneumonia in the past year. I have always been there for her, I was the one who helped her to regain her strength again, making sure she eats properly, taking her to Dr's and hospital appointments. She has an infection on her leg at the moment, from a fall on the bus. I'm not sure if it's making her a bit off with her mood. Mum's not speaking to me. When I phoned her last night and finally got her at 7pm, she snapped at me and said she'd been out. I started crying and had to put down the phone. Tonight she wouldn't answer the phone then, screamed "Stop calling me!" then cut me off.

So what happens if she has got that dreaded virus?? What the heck do I do? I'm in the high risk group myself and no one is invincible. I didn't sleep very well last night worrying about it all. Would it be reasonable if I phoned up the GP tomorrow to ask them to explain to her that going out is very dangerous or would I sound neurotic? My husband is so shocked, he feels really sad for me (He has just lost his father) There is absolutely no one else to look after her and I feel pretty helpless right now. Her Alzheimer's is moderate, she can look after herself but her memory is getting worse for remembering words. I have noticed a slight decline since last year especially with her planning.

Thanks all for reading, I appreciate any advice. Take care and stay safe.
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,893
0
Scotland
@flowerpetals
I'm sorry I don't have an answer but felt I must reply to you, you must keep yourself safe as you are high risk yourself, you don't sound neurotic just very stressed with a horrible situation. I think this will be a problem that many people are trying to cope with but extremely difficult to control. Please keep yourself safe.
 

Buskitten

Registered User
Dec 10, 2018
133
0
Hi Flowerpetals

I have a very similar problem so I thought I’d join your thread to avoid duplication. I hope you don’t mind ❤️ My 89 year old mum doesn’t / can not grasp the seriousness of this situation and immediately forgets any conversations due to the illness , it’s very hard as she reverts to her inbuilt ‘shopping on the bus’ routine.

I live 400 miles away from her and she’s alone. It’s extremely worrying and I’d also value any advice
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
14,454
0
England
It’s very difficult for someone who has dementia to be completely aware of everything they do so expecting them to know how to act and the risks involved is just not possible. Bringing care into the home is also a risk.

My daughter is a Carer in the community and has to shower and bathe her clients so the ‘ keep your distance’ is not possible. She is high risk because of asthma and MS so I worry about her. I worry about a friend who is high risk and has Carers every day. How safe is he when the Carers themselves aren’t safe.? We just have to hope for the best, it’s a very difficult time we are going through, there is enough stress in caring as it is.
 

Buskitten

Registered User
Dec 10, 2018
133
0
We do indeed have to hope for the best - do our best and hope for the best in these difficult and challenging times ❤️
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,280
0
It’s very difficult for someone who has dementia to be completely aware of everything they do so expecting them to know how to act and the risks involved is just not possible. Bringing care into the home is also a risk.

My daughter is a Carer in the community and has to shower and bathe her clients so the ‘ keep your distance’ is not possible. She is high risk because of asthma and MS so I worry about her. I worry about a friend who is high risk and has Carers every day. How safe is he when the Carers themselves aren’t safe.? We just have to hope for the best, it’s a very difficult time we are going through, there is enough stress in caring as it is.
Would it be worth getting you daughter to email her company, ( evidence trail).
she could explain she has underlying health conditions and ask if they have a risk assessment for this?
No career where I work is expected to do normal duties if they have an underlying health condition
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,920
0
Hi @flowerpetals, I think you need to make sure you look after yourself first as if you are ill you won't be able to care for your mother anyway. Phoning the GP sounds a sensible idea, and not at all neurotic. However I guess they are swamped with urgent work and I'm not sure that your mum would remember or take in any advice as to why she shouldn't be going out and about. Does she have any friends or neighbours to keep an eye out for her. You've done what you can ensuring she has food in the house, maybe just let her get on with it. I'm sure she'll soon forget she's cross with you and phone you up asking why you haven't phoned her. If you can I'd put off going to see her, but I know how hard (and probably impossible) that would be.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,280
0
Sorry, I know that the whole world is worried about Coronavirus and the news is terribly depressing. My anxiety has hit through the roof now when I learned that my Mum who has Alzheimers, took herself off on a shopping trip yesterday by herself. Catching the bus there and back, probably eating out without caring for her hands. London is rife with the virus and I know that there has been some cases in that area. I had taken her out the day before and got her loads of shopping, I'm not that well myself but I feel I put my Mum self a lot before me.

My Mum is 81, and had half of her lung removed due to lung cancer just under 2 years ago. She's been in hospital twice with pneumonia in the past year. I have always been there for her, I was the one who helped her to regain her strength again, making sure she eats properly, taking her to Dr's and hospital appointments. She has an infection on her leg at the moment, from a fall on the bus. I'm not sure if it's making her a bit off with her mood. Mum's not speaking to me. When I phoned her last night and finally got her at 7pm, she snapped at me and said she'd been out. I started crying and had to put down the phone. Tonight she wouldn't answer the phone then, screamed "Stop calling me!" then cut me off.

So what happens if she has got that dreaded virus?? What the heck do I do? I'm in the high risk group myself and no one is invincible. I didn't sleep very well last night worrying about it all. Would it be reasonable if I phoned up the GP tomorrow to ask them to explain to her that going out is very dangerous or would I sound neurotic? My husband is so shocked, he feels really sad for me (He has just lost his father) There is absolutely no one else to look after her and I feel pretty helpless right now. Her Alzheimer's is moderate, she can look after herself but her memory is getting worse for remembering words. I have noticed a slight decline since last year especially with her planning.

Thanks all for reading, I appreciate any advice. Take care and stay safe.
I think contacting the GP is an excellent idea.
i would also be discussing medication that ‘ reduced her inclination to go out’
desperate times require desperate measures.
Obviously medication could affect her other conditions so could be tricky.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
14,454
0
England
Would it be worth getting you daughter to email her company, ( evidence trail).
she could explain she has underlying health conditions and ask if they have a risk assessment for this?
No career where I work is expected to do normal duties if they have an underlying health condition


My daughter chooses to continue to work, she takes all the precautions she can but won’t stop helping her ‘lovely oldies’ as she calls them. She is even supplying them with a toilet roll or a bar of soap when they run out.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,280
0
My daughter chooses to continue to work, she takes all the precautions she can but won’t stop helping her ‘lovely oldies’ as she calls them. She is even supplying them with a toilet roll or a bar of soap when they run out.
bless, she sounds like a wonderful person.
the Japanese doctor suggested if we allowed our bodies to dehydrate we were more likely to take the virus into our lungs. I am sure it will turn out to be wrong, but has anyone ever been harmed by stopping to take a drink of water every 15 minutes as he suggested?
Hoping you all stay safe.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
3,002
0
The 'japanese doctor' advice which is circulating on social media, including needing to have a drink of water every 15 minutes, is 'fake news' and unfortunately just one of many false pieces of virus related advice that is doing the rounds at the moment :( It's obviously good to make sure that you don't get dehydrated but drinking water every 15 minutes won't make any difference to whether you catch the virus or not.
 

Clumsy Blonde

New member
Mar 21, 2020
5
0
Sorry, I know that the whole world is worried about Coronavirus and the news is terribly depressing. My anxiety has hit through the roof now when I learned that my Mum who has Alzheimers, took herself off on a shopping trip yesterday by herself. Catching the bus there and back, probably eating out without caring for her hands. London is rife with the virus and I know that there has been some cases in that area. I had taken her out the day before and got her loads of shopping, I'm not that well myself but I feel I put my Mum self a lot before me.

My Mum is 81, and had half of her lung removed due to lung cancer just under 2 years ago. She's been in hospital twice with pneumonia in the past year. I have always been there for her, I was the one who helped her to regain her strength again, making sure she eats properly, taking her to Dr's and hospital appointments. She has an infection on her leg at the moment, from a fall on the bus. I'm not sure if it's making her a bit off with her mood. Mum's not speaking to me. When I phoned her last night and finally got her at 7pm, she snapped at me and said she'd been out. I started crying and had to put down the phone. Tonight she wouldn't answer the phone then, screamed "Stop calling me!" then cut me off.

So what happens if she has got that dreaded virus?? What the heck do I do? I'm in the high risk group myself and no one is invincible. I didn't sleep very well last night worrying about it all. Would it be reasonable if I phoned up the GP tomorrow to ask them to explain to her that going out is very dangerous or would I sound neurotic? My husband is so shocked, he feels really sad for me (He has just lost his father) There is absolutely no one else to look after her and I feel pretty helpless right now. Her Alzheimer's is moderate, she can look after herself but her memory is getting worse for remembering words. I have noticed a slight decline since last year especially with her planning.

Thanks all for reading, I appreciate any advice. Take care and stay safe.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I feel for you, I’m in the same boat. Mum is really upset with me as I’m in self-quarantine with a cough and won’t have her here for Mother’s Day. She has COPD but doesn’t understand guidelines. She also has friends popping in to see her and I’ve upset them and her by saying that’s not ok. She hung up on me and won’t stop crying 24 hours later (she is still speaking to my sister thankfully). She says she to stop eating and die :-(
Apparently the NHS are going to write to high-risk groups next week and tell them to self-isolate. I’m hoping this is true as if Mum had a letter from her GP telling her what she can and can’t do she would let me hold her to it.
I wish the OPMH team had the capacity to touch base with the patients to help enforce the message of the severity of this situation.
 

Buskitten

Registered User
Dec 10, 2018
133
0
I’m so sorry to hear this. I feel for you, I’m in the same boat. Mum is really upset with me as I’m in self-quarantine with a cough and won’t have her here for Mother’s Day. She has COPD but doesn’t understand guidelines. She also has friends popping in to see her and I’ve upset them and her by saying that’s not ok. She hung up on me and won’t stop crying 24 hours later (she is still speaking to my sister thankfully). She says she to stop eating and die :-(
Apparently the NHS are going to write to high-risk groups next week and tell them to self-isolate. I’m hoping this is true as if Mum had a letter from her GP telling her what she can and can’t do she would let me hold her to it.
I wish the OPMH team had the capacity to touch base with the patients to help enforce the message of the severity of this situation.
Oh wow if mum got a letter from an ‘official’ that would help enormously- could I ask a huge favour? Please could you post the letter on here as I don’t live near my mum and she will forget she’s had the letter. I can then read it to her every day 😊 thank you xxxxx
 

Clumsy Blonde

New member
Mar 21, 2020
5
0
Oh wow if mum got a letter from an ‘official’ that would help enormously- could I ask a huge favour? Please could you post the letter on here as I don’t live near my mum and she will forget she’s had the letter. I can then read it to her every day 😊 thank you xxxxx
I will! The more recent stronger messages from the prime minister have helped the situation for me enormously. The NHS letter will do more to reinforce, but it’s going to be a long 12 weeks in isolation for Mum.

Today I admit I compromised; I sat with Mum in her garden for half an hour, 3m apart, I wore a facemask and gloves. I hope the sun stays out as I felt this was a low risk way of chatting through her concerns. She receives information much better face-to-face, even on FaceTime she doesn’t relate.
 

Clumsy Blonde

New member
Mar 21, 2020
5
0
Sorry, I know that the whole world is worried about Coronavirus and the news is terribly depressing. My anxiety has hit through the roof now when I learned that my Mum who has Alzheimers, took herself off on a shopping trip yesterday by herself. Catching the bus there and back, probably eating out without caring for her hands. London is rife with the virus and I know that there has been some cases in that area. I had taken her out the day before and got her loads of shopping, I'm not that well myself but I feel I put my Mum self a lot before me.

My Mum is 81, and had half of her lung removed due to lung cancer just under 2 years ago. She's been in hospital twice with pneumonia in the past year. I have always been there for her, I was the one who helped her to regain her strength again, making sure she eats properly, taking her to Dr's and hospital appointments. She has an infection on her leg at the moment, from a fall on the bus. I'm not sure if it's making her a bit off with her mood. Mum's not speaking to me. When I phoned her last night and finally got her at 7pm, she snapped at me and said she'd been out. I started crying and had to put down the phone. Tonight she wouldn't answer the phone then, screamed "Stop calling me!" then cut me off.

So what happens if she has got that dreaded virus?? What the heck do I do? I'm in the high risk group myself and no one is invincible. I didn't sleep very well last night worrying about it all. Would it be reasonable if I phoned up the GP tomorrow to ask them to explain to her that going out is very dangerous or would I sound neurotic? My husband is so shocked, he feels really sad for me (He has just lost his father) There is absolutely no one else to look after her and I feel pretty helpless right now. Her Alzheimer's is moderate, she can look after herself but her memory is getting worse for remembering words. I have noticed a slight decline since last year especially with her planning.

Thanks all for reading, I appreciate any advice. Take care and stay safe.
Hi. Just wondering how you got on? Did you speak to your Mum’s GP?
 

Buskitten

Registered User
Dec 10, 2018
133
0
I will! The more recent stronger messages from the prime minister have helped the situation for me enormously. The NHS letter will do more to reinforce, but it’s going to be a long 12 weeks in isolation for Mum.

Today I admit I compromised; I sat with Mum in her garden for half an hour, 3m apart, I wore a facemask and gloves. I hope the sun stays out as I felt this was a low risk way of chatting through her concerns. She receives information much better face-to-face, even on FaceTime she doesn’t relate.
Thank you so much , this is horrific, so hard for them - as if it wasn’t bad enough before now this 😢 we can only do our best to help them through these difficult times ❤️ Xxxx
 

Clumsy Blonde

New member
Mar 21, 2020
5
0
I will! The more recent stronger messages from the prime minister have helped the situation for me enormously. The NHS letter will do more to reinforce, but it’s going to be a long 12 weeks in isolation for Mum.

Today I admit I compromised; I sat with Mum in her garden for half an hour, 3m apart, I wore a facemask and gloves. I hope the sun stays out as I felt this was a low risk way of chatting through her concerns. She receives information much better face-to-face, even on FaceTime she doesn’t relate.
Hi again. Just to let you know, I don’t know if Mum got the letter from the NHS this week. There were some text links to letters from NHS on her phone that she hadn’t read but I couldn’t see the advice if it was sent. I have registered her on the NHS website as a vulnerable person so I don’t know if this will trigger the letter.
But, I did manage to speak to her Mental Health Doctor today and explained that with Mum’s limited understanding she is popping out to see neighbours and to the shop with no concept of social distancing. He’s agreed to write a letter advising her not to leave the home. I was really pleased with how sympathetic he was and interested in how we were both coping. He also organised for a nurse to call Mum today, which helped with her mood for now.