My Mum wont accept my Dad's diagnosis

choraldelight

New member
May 23, 2018
1
0
Hi My Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly 3 years ago. He lives with my mum and has been OK for a while and they have managed. He has however declined quite rapidly in the past 12 months and is now unable to cope being anywhere without my mum for more than an hour without panicking and thinking she has been hurt or worse. He suffers such extreme anxiety as a result of his illness that he quickly becomes unable to function or think at all rationally. He has been found wandering in the road trying to find her recently and I often phone when I know she is out to find him in floods of tears and totally lost in the house he has lived in for 32 years. The problem is my Mum refuses to recognise that my Dad is ill and so will not get any help at all. Nothing. She will not accept his diagnosis and so will not even think about getting a carer to start going in for my Dad to get used to. Instead she rarely leaves him alone now and so is becoming very very depressed herself as she is a very social person who needs to get out and about and meet people. They are stuck at home about 2 hours drive from where I live and I am really worried about them. Both my brother and I have repeatedly tried over 3 years to get my Mum to see that she and my Dad need help but cannot get anywhere and we have no idea what to do next. It is making me very worried but also angry with my Mum as she could really make things better if she would just accept the reality of the situation. Nobody wants to - I didn't when I first heard - but it is increasingly cruel to my Dad not to.

Does anyone have similar experience and any ideas on how you managed to break through. My Dad would quite happily have somebody in to chat to whilst my Mum is out I think - it is her who just point blank refuses. Any help would be very gratefully received . Thanks
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,842
0
leicester
Hi @choraldelight welcome to tp

It’s alway very difficult when people don’t want to admit they need help!
From what you say your Dad would benefit from a befriender visiting, it would also help you Mum as it would less of a worry while she is out.
Depending where you live the Alzhiemers society and Age Uk could be a good first point of contact.
HOW? You get them to agree I don’t righty know but sooner or later they are going to need help of some description.
Do you think your Mum would agree to them both going to a memory cafe?
It might be a starting point.