My mum passed away with dementia 8 weeks ago

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by me me, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. me me

    me me New member

    Nov 28, 2019
    4
    My world fell apart 8 weeks ago my mum passed away . Mum had Parkinson’s she had had this disease over 12 years and it was managed with medication . My mum lived next door to me with my dad .Feb 2018 my mum had a fall and broke her right hip and wrist , she did get over this but had to use a frame to walk but we managed . June she was sat in the bathroom my dad was helping her get washed and she said she felt funny then just slumped over . She was rushed to hospital and was unconscious for 24 hrs no one knew why , she was breathing alone and just woke up . The hospital were going to let her home but did another scan which diagnosed mum had had 2 strokes . The strokes left her with Vascular dementia . We eventually got her home , I left my job to be her full-time carer . We had measures in place for mums safety incase she got out of bed . Mum managed to get out of bed bypass the alarm mat and fell again at the beginning of Dec this time she broke the other hip and wrist . She had the operation but had a mini stroke in hospital and they couldn’t get her to walk . We had everything set up at home an hospital bed special chair an hoist to move her as she was now bed bound. I continued being mums carer I devoted my life to her whilst having my husband and daughter next door . In the summer of this year we would get mum outside to enjoy the fresh air , she was ok . Mum then fell ill with a bug and that week her organs failed and she died . The last 2 nites we had palliative care to help as I was staying with her day and nite and I was exhausted They woke me up to say it was time I held her head kissing her Loving her talking to her while she passed away .
    After mums death I was in shock I was walking around in a bubble my days empty as I had put everything into looking after mum and I was trying to be strong for dad .over the last few week I have got worse I cry all the time I feel empty inside can’t be bothered with anything . I have started on medication for sleep as I’ve been waking up in the middle of a full blown panic attack . I know mum was 85 and had a good life as people point out but she was my mum my best friend my first love .. just needed to get this off my chest and tell someone x
    me me
     
  2. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    558
    Female
    Dear @me me, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, what a devoted daughter you have been to your lovely mum, she must have been so proud of you.
    It is early days in your grief, be gentle with yourself and let your family look after you; be at peace, you couldn't have done any more for your mum.
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,898
    Female
    Dundee
    Welcome to the forum @me me.

    I’m so sorry to hear of your mum’s passing. I hope you have found it helpful to share here. Sending you condolences and wishing you strength.
     
  4. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    406
    Female
    I'm so sorry @me me. Your loss is so hard to come to terms with especially when you have invested so much of yourself into your mums care. I understand how devastated you must be feeling. Please don't put any pressure on yourself, grieving takes as long as it takes & you need time to heal. You will work through it even though it may seem impossible right now but there's no rush. Talk to her, tell her how you feel. Talk to us too we will listen. Above all be gentle with yourself X
     
  5. Kuiper27

    Kuiper27 Registered User

    Nov 17, 2019
    22
    @me me

    I just spotted your post. I’m sending thoughts and prayers your way at this sad time. I can’t even begin to think how you must be feeling right now. All I can say is that there’s always someone on here that will chat to you. You are not alone, there’s support here and a listening ear. You did your best caring for her and crucially you were there at the end. You’re a lovely daughter and care so deeply

    Kuiper 27
     
  6. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,284
    Nottinghamshire
    Welcome from me too @me me

    I have some idea how you're feeling right now as my dad died last year just before Christmas and I'm having a delayed grieving reaction. I've also been through this with my much loved aunt. We were very close I cared for her and it left massive hole in my life when she died. It took me a few years to come to terms with her not being there. I still miss her and she's an occasional tear...but it does get better so hang on in there and share here if it helps.
     
  7. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    227
    Male
    Hi @me me, sorry for your loss. I understand that hollow and shell-shocked feeling, I always think there is no-one like your own Mum. It is a loss that is very difficult to accept, and you have been devoted to your Mum and supported her in her time of need, please if you can take solace in that. It might be worth asking your GP about bereavement counselling, I found it helped me when my Mum passed away - it may ease your pain a little. .
     
  8. me me

    me me New member

    Nov 28, 2019
    4
    thankyou
     
  9. me me

    me me New member

    Nov 28, 2019
    4
    Thank-you to all your reply’s and kind words . Just talking to people who are in the same or similar situations helps . If I can help anyone who has a loved one with dementia , ask away it would be lovely just to feel I’m not useless and can help others. I’m now pretty clued up on this disease after caring for my mum . Thank-you again x
     
  10. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,284
    Nottinghamshire
    It helps me to help others now that my loved ones have gone. It would be lovely to see you round the forum. We all just pitch in and try to help each other as best we can..:)
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.