My mum moved into a different care home

[Pippa2012]

Hello. Please can I have some advice. My mum was in a care home for 6 weeks and now moved to a permanent one. I just spoke to her and she said she wants to know why she has been admitted. She has a right to know. I said because her husband cannot look after her anymore. She forgets he has cancer and not long to live. She said the carers do not tell her why she is there. I said to ask the doctor and she seemed happy with that. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I think she doesn’t have dementia and it’s just old age but she cannot look after herself anymore at home and it would be dangerous as she keeps falling over. My stepdad who is dying said he cannot look after her anymore and that is why she is there. So heartbreaking ?

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Pippa2012 It's a really difficult time for you but it sounds as though by telling your mum to 'ask the doctor' you have found a good answer that she is happy with. Quite often saying something along the lines of you are here to get better, under doctor's orders etc works as it shifts the 'blame' onto a professional and is more acceptable to the person. It doesn't make the situation any easier for you, but you are making sure that she is kept safe. Your mum will probably take some time to settle into her new home but perhaps a chat with the manager or staff, to let them know what you have said to her, will help as they will be aware of the situation if your mum asks them again why she is there. They will be used to these 'love lies', which are used to reduce upset/distress, and will be doing their best to help your mum to settle in. Sorry to hear about your step dad too, it must be so hard for you. There's a lot of support here so keep posting as you are not alone.