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My mum is the carer

AnitaSzaban

Registered User
Aug 30, 2019
11
0
Evening. Ive spoken with my mum again today with regards to ger being my step fathers carer. He has vascular dementia. Im guessing middle to late stages ? He is 81 and at times difficult. He now is unable to do much. My mum is 71 and disabled through a rta many years ago, he was her carer but now roles reversed. I read last night about she could have a carers appointment with social services. Im guessig its to see if they can offer her any help etc ? Mum agreed to me making contact with ss but now this evening has panicked and said not t bother, she thinks they will put him in a home against her will. Or he will refuse any help etc has anyone else been through this or can advise ? Its all on her shoulders and last week her depression hit and jut crued all week and having mobility issues.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,969
0
Nottinghamshire
Evening. Ive spoken with my mum again today with regards to ger being my step fathers carer. He has vascular dementia. Im guessing middle to late stages ? He is 81 and at times difficult. He now is unable to do much. My mum is 71 and disabled through a rta many years ago, he was her carer but now roles reversed. I read last night about she could have a carers appointment with social services. Im guessig its to see if they can offer her any help etc ? Mum agreed to me making contact with ss but now this evening has panicked and said not t bother, she thinks they will put him in a home against her will. Or he will refuse any help etc has anyone else been through this or can advise ? Its all on her shoulders and last week her depression hit and jut crued all week and having mobility issues.

This must be so difficult for your mum. I can reassure you that the last thing SS want to do is put someone in a home they will always try care at home first. If your step father refuses to accept their help then your mum could have them help her instead. My dad’s carers did laundry and heated up meals and made drinks too - it wasn’t just personal care that they offered although that was why I started them.

Make it clear that step father might refuse care and ask how they could support your mum if this does happen. I thought my dad would refuse help but he was fine about it. I spoke to the agency manager and asked for carers who were skilled in dementia care and the ones we got were all excellent. It’s definitely worth getting that assessment done - a good care package makes a massive difference.