My mum is struggling with my dad and his dementia

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Willow79, Sep 15, 2019.

  1. Willow79

    Willow79 New member

    Sep 15, 2019
    1
    Hi everyone. I’m looking for some ideas to help my mum. 3 yers should my dad was diagnosed with dementia and, as he deteriorates, my mum is struggling to cope. My dad used to have a great business brain and now finds many day to day things difficult. My mum is often cross with him and lashes out.
    It must be very hard for my mum living with my dad but I’m worried that she’s not helping him or her right now
     
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,700
    Hi I’ve been in the position you find yourself in, it’s horrid to watch. My mum wouldn’t let my Dad go anywhere without her & I allowed that for a while. Your Dad needs help & I recommend you ring the Alzheimer’s helpline, they have excellent advisors. You need to talk through your Dads options with them.
     
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,184
    Nottinghamshire
    Hello @Willow79 welcome to DTP.

    Has your mum had a care assessment done for your dad and a carer's assessment done for herself? I found social services very helpful when I was caring for my dad. They can help find support in your area with things like daycare for your dad, or a sitter, so that your mum can have a break from caring.
    Ring the Alzheimer's society helpline as suggested above is also a good idea.

    0300 222 11 22 is the number to call.
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,077
    Yorkshire
    hello @Willow79
    a warm welcome to DTP

    I wonder whether this thread may be useful .... it may help your mum see how things are for your dad and give some strategies to try
    https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

    can your mum be persuaded that rather than lash out in any way, she simply walk away from the situation to allow them both a little time and space to settle ... not easy, I appreciate ... I used to just say 'sorry dad, I need the loo right now' and disappear, going back with a fixed smile and a coffee for him, ready to beat a hasty retreat

    do contact their Local Authority Adult Services and arrange an assessment of your dad's care needs, as he has a right to this ... and a carer's assessment for your mum ... a care package may then be put in place, some time at day care and respite may give your mum a break while your dad is well looked after

    maybe also contact Admiral Nurses as they are there to support the carer
    https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/find-an-admiral-nurse/
    if there isn't a nurse in their area, there is also a helpline
     

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