My mum is refusing to go into a care home for respite

MissA

Registered User
Nov 20, 2016
2
0
Hello, my mum has mid stage dementia and lives with my brother. As mum's behaviour is getting more challenging things are becoming really tough. We want to arrange some respite so that he can have a break but also to give mum a change of environment.(she never goes out despite all our encouragement) We are also having a new wet-room put in and so obviously there will be too much noise and dust for mum to stay while the work is being done. Mum can't stay in any of our homes as we don't have the facilities for her mobility issues. The main issue we have is that mum is adamant that she does not want to go into respite and is growing more and more anxious and angry every time it is mentioned. Has anyone any ideas on how we can encourage her? The last thing we want is for the situation to be traumatic for her.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
She might not like to go into a care home, but perhaps she might like to go on holiday in a nice hotel ;)
The least said the better, in my experience. Tell her about it once, then dont mention it again so that she doesnt have time to get worked up about it.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,444
0
Kent
I`ve no idea how you can get round this MissA but realise you do need informed advice.

I can only suggest you phone the National Dementia Helpline to see what they advise.


http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/faq.php?faq=resources#faq_resources_helpline

You can contact our helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.

The helpline is usually open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends. However, the service may be closed occasionally during these times for operational reasons.
 

Pinkys

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
157
0
South of England
This is a dreadful thing. I agree 'nice hotel' angle is worth trying. Also if she can get it, then the 'house in turmoil..no not water' etc. I assume you have tried that and realised that logic plays no part in overcoming the fear and confusion.
So do not mention it much, to reduce stress. Pack secretly and then present her with an unavoidable fact on the morning

Is there anyone your mother would naturally 'obey'? Sometimes a male member of the family can say in effect 'put your coat on and get moving' where another person cannot. A pastor? A doctor? My mother was naturally biddable, so we managed it.

A friend recently was in the situation of her mother agreeing to go to respite, had visited etc. All was well, except on the day kicked up something awful. Long story short, is happily settled now. So however traumatic, good can come.
 

MissA

Registered User
Nov 20, 2016
2
0
She might not like to go into a care home, but perhaps she might like to go on holiday in a nice hotel ;)
The least said the better, in my experience. Tell her about it once, then dont mention it again so that she doesnt have time to get worked up about it.

Thanks for your suggestion Canary. I would love it if mum would go on a nice holiday and we have suggested many times over the years before she became ill but she wouldn't consider it. Thank you also Pinkys for your idea of bringing a outside party, I was perhaps thinking that her GP may visit so will maybe go down that road. I will also try the Dementia helpline. Thanks to all
 

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