My mum is in denial

[Witzend]

I agree with you Witzend. At first, because my mum was young/65 when it started, I felt it was her right know what was going on and I thought it might help her to tell people what she had since she was hiding away from social situations and feeling stupid and judged all the time. But, it became clear that she was much happier not addressing it and now, like you, I believe she cannot keep a meaningful memory of her illness and for this I am very grateful.

Yes, personally I think it can be a blessing if the person is not aware, though I do realise this can cause its own problems. But who on earth wants to be conscious all the time that they have a horrible disease that has no cure?

 

[Richierich]

My mum is similar but to be honest it's a combination of forgetting and not wanting to admit to it (she once said it's easier to ignore it).

We all have a defence mechanism of denial, it's human nature and you probably just need to give her time.

I usually ask her now and then why she is taking her tablet, sometimes she will remember sometimes she won't but by reminding her it will hopefully stick.

It very hard because you want her to accept it so she can work with you to make things easier... I think patience and perseverance are the key but it's easier to type those words than do them... I get very stressed/ concerned at times.

I hope that helps


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[Angela T]

My mother has also been in denial, right from the start.

When I first noticed memory problems, some years ago, I asked her to see her GP and he "tested" her... which resulted in her boasting "My doctor says my memory is better than his!"

She repeated this whenever anyone mentioned her memory loss, and we did not find her GP helpful in picking this up. 3 years later she was properly tested in the Memory Clinic and we had the diagnosis.

I thought it was important to say the words, so got her to write them down "Alzheimer's Dementia". She knew what she had, but was in denial of needing ANY help at all.

I think at the beginning it is fear - Alzheimer's is probably our worst fear, it is terrifying to gradually lose control and think we may have this dreadful disease. We all know what it means. Then as the illness progresses, they are in another world and they do not remember the reality, and it is a way of protecting themselves, I think.

My mother had a fall and can't walk at the moment, but she tells us all she is walking around, and wants to go home.

 

[Witzend]

Accusations of stealing are very hard to cope with - usually reasoning is no earthly use since even if you provided cast iron proof the person would still not believe you. My mother just used to accuse me of being 'in league' with whoever it was if I tried logical explanations. In the end I just used to tell her I would get on to a solicitor (in the case of my poor aunt who had 'stolen' their mother's house) or the police, first thing tomorrow. Or else I had already been on to them, and they were on the case.

Again, easier said than done, though, and it is especially hard when you are having to listen to accusations against your nearest and dearest, or entirely innocent neighbours, come to that, and pretend to agree that X is a scheming, thieving so and so.

 

[Angela T]

Yes, it is a bit like learning to speak another language - so that we can "communicate" on a different level.

It is a steep learning curve !

 

[Richierich]

We had a similar GP experience which is really annoying!

I don't think anyone finds the experience of watching a loved one fade away... Let's hope they come up with a cure sometime soon!


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