My Mum is an accident waiting to happen

[Linbrusco]

And I'm so angry at my Dad.

He goes out every Tuesday for 3 hrs or so to his club.
Dad does all the cooking and main meals.

He knows how important it is for him to come home on time to cook dinner, before Mum gets it into her head to do so.
I have just come home from work, to find Dad still out and Mum attempting to make a stew on the stove.
The stove was up on High, with the stew bubbling over. The pot handle was so loose, its a wonder it didn't break off in your hand. I can see Mum tipping the boiling water down her. Trying to get a new pot, Mum decides shes going to climb on a chair, because the pots are up high in the cupboard. Mums unsteady on her feet as it is.

Dad being later than his normal time is nothing unusual.
Once in a while instead of staying out his 3 or 4 hrs,its more like 7 or 8, and once it gets dark, I have to pick him up. He doesn't think of phoning at all. I give him the usual rant, and he apologises, but yet it happens again. Every couple of months hes like his.
I can understand hes probably doing it to let of steam... A few too many beers and gambling on the poker machines ( I control their money for this reason so he only gets X amount of spending money)
Thankfully Mum & Dad live behind us, and my husband is here during the day while I'm at work, and Mum does have a medical alarm....
But I'm so over it, and this is only the beginning
My husband has a medical condition, so I am his carer also, plus I have 2 school age children. I can only cope when things are in order, and I'm not having to organise both of my parents

I'm so upset and I have called my KeyWorker from the AD society to arrange a home visit.

 

[jeany123]

Hello Linbrusco, you seem to have your hands full without all this you have a lot on your plate, would your dad arrange for someone to stay with your mum if he was going out, I know this would probably be to pay for but at least she would be safe, or does he not see him leaving her for so long as a problem,

I am sorry you have this extra worry i hope your dad get's something sorted for your mums safety and for your peace of mind,

Jeany x

 

[Izzy]

Has your mum had a community care assessment. It sounds as if she is unsafe to be left alone. Perhaps some help might be available for her and your dad.

You can download information on the assessment using this link.

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=131

 

[Noorza]

Of course it's not what you want but if your Dad is looking after mum 24/7 with only a break every week for a few hours I can't find it in my heart to judge or criticise him. He should arrange for someone else to be there to care for mum though and he should be contacting social services to do an assessment and see what other help is available.

Perhaps Mum could go into a day care facility while Dad goes out.

 

[Linbrusco]

Sorry my head is all over the place. Dad is with Mum 24/7, but in all other respects I am Mums main carer.
Ordinarily Mum does go with a neighbour on the same day as Dad goes out to a senior citizens club, but the neighbour was ill.
My husband went out till 11am, then my Dad went out when he got home. Mum is only there from otherwise from 11 till 2 or 3 on her own ( my husband is there and she has her alarm) I get home at 3.30
Mum is quite OK, unless Dad isn't home in time and then she takes it into her head to start cooking tea. Tonight Dad got home at 5pm.
This is about the only time that Mum is ever at home on her own if she can't attend her club for whatever reason.

I have no doubt that if on her own more then Mum would not be safe.
Dad refuses to go to any other clubs or outings himself.
Apart from his one day a week, he much prefers Mum going out, which she does twice a week with the neighbour, and I take her out on my day off on a Wednesday and also on a weekend.

Once we see the AD Keyworker I will ask her opinion if we should get an Needs Assessment.

 

[Noorza]

Is there a mains gas or electricity supply for the cooker that could be switched off, you may need to get it isolated to the cooker by an electrician or gas tradesman (thinking outside of the box here as we so often have to do with this rotten disease). What I am thinking is that if Dad doesn't come back on time she won't be able to turn the cooker on?