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My Mum in nursing home

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland
I have put posts on here previously, about my 88 year old Mum with alzhiemers & double incontinence.
I went into see her this afternoon & was told she was in her room. I went straight there & was no sign of her. I carried onto the day room, where she is usually sitting & the carers said she wasn't in there either. I walked back to her room, in case she had gone there & her room was empty. I told another carer, then a few went looking for her. 15 mins later, a young carer was walking towards me holding my mum's hand. I asked him, where did he find her. He said, she was in one of the other dayrooms & I discovered she was on her own in there.

My mum has been in the nursing home almost 4 years now & I've got to know all the carers & nurses. They all work hard & look after the residents very well. I was just worried as no one seemed to know where my mum was. I talked about it with my husband & he said, they can't watch everyone all the time. After the carer brought my mum to me, I sat in her room with her. She always has a tissue in her hand & I noticed bit of blood on it. I gave her a fresh tissue & put the used one in the bin, Thankfully, her nose was ok & no more blood. She could have knocked herself as she was walking around. Am I worrying unnecessarily?
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
216
Ilkley
Sometimes it's hard to accept that our loved ones are in care and they don't appear to be watched every minute of every day and night. My mum is living in a care home and I know she is safe as much as is possible.She has fallen and regularly bumps into things as she is blind. There will never be enough staff for one to one care and I think you just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes things happen. I visit daily and have been there at all times of the day and even through the night when she has been extremely distressed. No I admit things aren't always perfect but my mum is cared for and loved and with this dreadful disease this is as much as we all can do.I have to accept that even though I tried I couldn't manage to care for her at home 24/7. Now our extended family at the care home look after her when I'm not there. They greet me with a smile and an update of how mum has been. They make me a cup of tea and put an arm around my shoulder when it all gets too much. They are angels.
 

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland
Sometimes it's hard to accept that our loved ones are in care and they don't appear to be watched every minute of every day and night. My mum is living in a care home and I know she is safe as much as is possible.She has fallen and regularly bumps into things as she is blind. There will never be enough staff for one to one care and I think you just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes things happen. I visit daily and have been there at all times of the day and even through the night when she has been extremely distressed. No I admit things aren't always perfect but my mum is cared for and loved and with this dreadful disease this is as much as we all can do.I have to accept that even though I tried I couldn't manage to care for her at home 24/7. Now our extended family at the care home look after her when I'm not there. They greet me with a smile and an update of how mum has been. They make me a cup of tea and put an arm around my shoulder when it all gets too much. They are angels.

Thank you so much for your kind reply, Yorkshire Lass. That must be hard for you, if your Mum is blind & obviously for her also. It sounds like she is well looked after. As you said, the staff can't be everywhere. I also couldn't look after my Mum 24/7 at home.
Thank you again, for reassuring me. Sending best wishes to you & your Mum.
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
216
Ilkley
Thank you so much for your kind reply, Yorkshire Lass. That must be hard for you, if your Mum is blind & obviously for her also. It sounds like she is well looked after. As you said, the staff can't be everywhere. I also couldn't look after my Mum 24/7 at home.
Thank you again, for reassuring me. Sending best wishes to you & your Mum.
No problem sharing our experiences really helps. We are all on this difficult journey but I expect at different stages. My mum began to have sight loss in her late 50's. By the time she was mid 60's she was memorising all sorts of things and when she completely lost her sight she continued to manage. She lived independently in her own home with a lot of help with everyday things such as banking, shopping and paying bills but would listen to talking books and magazines and use the audio description on the TV.. We were fine and coped well until she began to mix up the time and didn't remember to press her talking clock. She would be up in the night eating but not remember and then began to be confused as to where she was in the house, couldn't remember to use the telephone and was unable to listen to her talking magazines. Eventually we had a diagnosis of AD when she was 90 and the decline was rapid. I think because she needed me to do so much in the early days it masked the onset.I'm actually grateful for this. It is hard and the guilt monster repeatedly sits on my shoulder but then I remind myself I am still there with her with "the girls " looking after her when I can't be there. I hope all is well with your mum xxx
 

Malalie

Registered User
Sep 1, 2016
306
I think you are worrying unnecessarily ...probably... It seems like you have done a good job with finding a care home that sounds very capable and kind. We often used to find MIL in unusual places in the home - either sitting with another resident, or alone (it was quite a large home, but there were comfy chairs dotted all over.)

Obviously if you become more concerned, do share your views with the manager.

MIL fell over in her first week at her home and knocked her front tooth out - I was horrified until I remembered the previous time that she fell, in her own home.

We didn't know how long she had been there on the floor - the carer and paramedics couldn't get in....Police, firemen drilling out locks..etc etc and then I realised that the accident she had in the Care Home could just as well happened in her own home, and how bad that would have been. I was so grateful that there were professional people on site to look after her immediately.

Even the expert carers on our forum who look after their relatives full time - one to one - do find that their loved ones have accidents from time to time, and you can't get better care than that.

Please don't beat yourself up about it - just keep a watchful eye ..as I'm sure you do.... xx