My mum-in-law

[MARY BLACK]

Hi All

My name is Mary. My husband and I have just taken his Mum to live with us as she has some form of dementia (as yet undiagnosed!!) Its all quite difficult as she previosly lived alone in Ireland and despite us telling her everyday she needs to be with us she thinks she is here for 2 weeks holidays!! Her memory is very bad and she repeats herself constantly and tells us the same stories everyday.

Madge is very sweet though so it makes it really difficult to see her confusion when we try to explain things to her. Sorry to go on, but should we be honest and explain things as they are or go along with the holiday idea for now and let the doctor explain to her next time we take her home to Ireland (10th April) We are at a loss as to what to do for the best. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Mary

 

[Brucie]

Hello Mary and welcome to Talking Point.

I'd be going along with the holiday idea as a first option, though you need to judge whether that works - trying it is the only way to find out.

Take things minute by minute, day by day. You have a journey ahead and it is best to take it slowly at least at first.

best wishes

 

[DickG]

Hi Mary

Not sure you are in the right forum but never mind. With dementia I have come to the conclusion that the least line of resistance is the one to follow, say whatever helps the most, truth is a luxury not aforded to us involved with a loved one who has demntia.

When I visit Mary in the nursing home and she askes when will I be coming to see her I always reply "tomorrow" even when I am having a two week break - the alternative is for her to become agitated and I know that when I see her next she will not know whether she last saw me yesterday or two weeks ago.

If a lie makes the sufferer feel better so be it.

Dick

 

[MARY BLACK]

Thanks

Hello Mary and welcome to Talking Point.

I'd be going along with the holiday idea as a first option, though you need to judge whether that works - trying it is the only way to find out.

Take things minute by minute, day by day. You have a journey ahead and it is best to take it slowly at least at first.

best wishes

Hi Bruce

Thanks for that advice it is very frustrating I suppose we are having a hard time adjusting to the fact that Madge will always be like this and worse maybe. We so want her to understand that we are doing this to care for her and not to take away her independence. We'll take it one day at a time for now and am glad that we found this site

Regards
Mary