My mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by blackvelevt, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. blackvelevt

    blackvelevt Registered User

    Sep 6, 2015
    I knew mum's memory had been getting worse, but put it down to her age - she is 85 1/2 - so the diagnosis came as a complete shock. I have two younger siblings who do nothing to help, although they live closer to mum than I do; because I am unmarried and childless, they are trying to slot me into the role of unpaid carer. (she is still living alone, although I am not sure how much longer that will last) I have just spent two months' summer break (I work in a school) being with her every day, and I was the one who went with her to her appointment with the memory nurse when the diagnosis was given; and I spent two weeks after that listening to mum getting tearful and constantly telling me that she was useless. My mother is all I have left, and all my brother wanted to know was whether she was still capable of managing her finances - because he wants to get his hands on her house and sell it from under her. The few friends I have told about this have offered to pray for my mum, which isn't any help - because if there was a god, he would not have allowed this to happen to her in the first place.

    Sorry if this is too much of a rant, but I love my mum and I can't do anything to help her.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP :)
    You'll find lots of help & support here.
  3. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Welcome from me too. Reading your first post, especially the comment about your brother, rang one bell in my head and that was 'Lasting Power of Attorney'. Please talk to your mum about this, for both finance and Health & Welfare and get it organised as a priority.

    I have a brother and a sister. None of us lived very near mum, but I was her sole attorney as that was her wish.
  4. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    You can do a lot to help her or procure help for her - she's still your Mum and still has her personality even though symptoms may seem to override it sometimes.As Pickles says, get LPAs in place while Mum still has mental capacity to understand what she's signing. They will protect her from greedy offspring.
    Find out as much as you can about dementia - try June Andrews's Dementia a one stop guide. Speak to social services about what help they will offer and push them for an assessment; speak to the local memory clinic about what voluntary or charitable services there are in your area. It may be for the time being with just a little help and memory aids she can jog along at home for quite a while so don't be too despondent.
    Reassure your mother that she's not lost everything, that you can stil have fun together and she's not going to be alone with this horrible disease. Mum lives with me now and does get despondent about her memory and comprehension, but there is usually something to laugh about in the day - such as wondering how much they can hear through the telecare button that she wears round her neck when I'm out. She'd said the f word (not a habit!) and wondered if they heard. No ma, it's just a call button, not a microphone. She roared with laughter.
  5. Sallyferg

    Sallyferg Registered User

    Dec 19, 2015

    I am in a very similar situation myself. I love my mum who has just recently been diagnosed. My family are of little help its a lot of pressure. I know I shouldn't worry about the future but feel very scared about about ending up alone as my mum is the only real family I have. Does anyone else feel like this?
  6. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    Talk to SS about your mothers best interest. You must know what kind of care she needs now so ask for a care package.
    Even if she is well alone it is a good idea introduce some career visit, so she got used to them. Day centres and lunch clubs are useful to not let your mother alone all day while you are at work.
  7. IsabelsMum

    IsabelsMum Registered User

    Nov 13, 2011
    Same boat

    I'm in the same boat, I read the posts on here but sometimes don't feel that I can absorb anyone else's information, I'm living the nightmare daily with my Mum. My sister lives nearby but doesn't care two hoots, I live just 50 yards away so of course it's assumed I'll be the only carer! I promised my Dad I'd care for my Mum and I will, just some days its jolly hard. Having people praying won't make a difference, as you say - if there was a God, why would He let this happen? It's 'straighten your back and shoulders' time, plough on as best you can. It doesn't help either that other people are having the same experience, its YOUR experience that you need help with. This is what I find about Talking Point - we've all got our stories and they're usually on the same theme, I suppose typing it all out is a release, but its all there again tomorrow. Keep going my love, just keep going.x

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