my mum has passed away recently, i'm finding it hard to cope as i was her sole carer.

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by craigie, Jun 9, 2015.

  1. craigie

    craigie Registered User

    Jun 9, 2015
    My mum passed away at the beginning of may after suffering alzheimer's for many years,i don't know if we ever really know, how many years they had the disease, as at the beginning you put the symtom's down to something else i.e. old age etc. I was my mum's sole carer and did everything for her, even more so in the latter stages of this horrendous disease' (respect to all you other carer's) nobody knows how you feel or how it affects you, till you experience it, it has affected my own relationship. now that my mum has died i'am finding it really difficult to cope, as a big part of my day was doing things for her, and at the times I would have been with her I am feeling guilty, I know that bereavement is hard for anybody,but I think that when it's down to Alzheimer's it is even more difficult, keep up the good work guys, you are all doing a wonderfull job under difficult circumstances, I hope with time, I will begin to cope with my mum passing away.
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Craigie, I'm sorry to read of your Mum's passing-and even more sorry to read about how you feel. In my opinion it's far too early to even be thinking about coping! I feel acceptance has to come first. I don't know if this applies to you (please forgive me if I'm wide of the mark) but lots of Carers grieve so much as their loved one goes through their nightmare of a journey-it can be something of a shock when they grieve even more deeply when their relative passes.

    As you say when so much of one's time is taken up caring it feels quite surreal when the caring is no longer needed. Our reason for getting out of bed each day is over! I hope you finally find peace and strength which goes with acceptance-you should be proud that you did your very best as a Carer.

    Sorry forgot to say welcome to TP.

    Be kind to yourself is the best advice I can give!


    Lyn T XX
  3. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    My condolences craigie. The fact that so much of your life has been taken up with caring for and about your mother means that you now have this terrible void to fill.
    It is so difficult I know.

    As Lyn has said, don't even think about being able to cope, just take one day at a time which is all we can do. Eventually some sort of realisation that this is life now does hit you and very gradually you adjust. Then, in time, you will be able to find some kind of reason to move forwards, little by little.
    Take care of yourself,. x
  4. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    Deepest sympathy craigie it's a terrible disease and I hope you can get some comfort from the fact your lovely mum is no loner suffering. Be gentle on yourself, just try and take pleasure in some small things, even if it's just having a cup of coffee in the sunshine or going for a stroll. Just take some time for yourself. Take care x

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  5. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Im so sorry for your loss. Grief is such a long process and so different for everyone. I hope you can remind yourself that you did a great job. Im sure you were everything to your Mum.

    A friend of mine had a child with special needs who was an adult, and in full time care. s
    She visited faithfully 3 times a week and was completely adrift when she lost her son. She told me she not only missed her son but also felt her life purpose was gone. She decided to continue to visit the care home and spend time with her sons friends.

    When you are ready, you have so much you can give because of your experience. In person, on TP, telephone support, fundraising. Helping people understand dementia a little better.
    I hope you are starting to remember happy days with your Mum.
    Love Quilty

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