Hi there,
I have been on talking point for sometime now and although never posted, I've been on here looking for answers and taking comfort that others have also been through similar situations.
I am currently filled with guilt about my mum going into a home. My dad has been caring for my mum for years and although he was able to manage before, the decline in mum over the past 12 months as been rapid, especially in the last few months. So much so, it was effecting my dad and I was worried he too would become ill. We spoke with charities and social services and my dad was offered support for 2 hours a week, which although great, was not enough for the extremities of my mums decline. For instance, dad would go to the loo and mum would go out down the road looking for him. He had to resign from working temporarily as he couldn't leave her alone in the house any longer. He was becoming a prisoner trapped in his own home. He would get frustrated and mum would often say she was going to kill herself. They came to stay with me over Christmas and caring for mum was extremely difficult as she could do nothing for herself, dad would wash and dress her. All mum could do was feed herself and she didn't even remember at times she wasn't in her own home. After they left I saw the pressure on my dad and called for help. Between Christmas and new year she was put into a home. I feel unbelievebly guilty as I live 3 hours away from my parents am 6 months pregnant and have a 4 year old daughter and I feel I have failed her and not done enough to help her. I went to visit as much as I could, but my daughter found it distressing and mum did too and I'd hear her ask my dad when we were leaving. It's not like I live close enough to pop in for coffee to give dad a break, which undoubtedly I would have 100% done if I lived that bit closer. I would call almost daily and check in with my dad and give him support where possible. Since mum went into a home, Dad is now able to go out and 'live' a little, but through the grape vine I'm hearing that some people don't think I've done enough for mum and it's so upsetting as I'm not sure what else I could have done from 3hrs away. I went to stay with my dad for the past 4 nights, with my daughter and was able to support him at a time he needed me, but for mum I feel l have totally let her down and it's eating me up!
Thanks for listening!
I have been on talking point for sometime now and although never posted, I've been on here looking for answers and taking comfort that others have also been through similar situations.
I am currently filled with guilt about my mum going into a home. My dad has been caring for my mum for years and although he was able to manage before, the decline in mum over the past 12 months as been rapid, especially in the last few months. So much so, it was effecting my dad and I was worried he too would become ill. We spoke with charities and social services and my dad was offered support for 2 hours a week, which although great, was not enough for the extremities of my mums decline. For instance, dad would go to the loo and mum would go out down the road looking for him. He had to resign from working temporarily as he couldn't leave her alone in the house any longer. He was becoming a prisoner trapped in his own home. He would get frustrated and mum would often say she was going to kill herself. They came to stay with me over Christmas and caring for mum was extremely difficult as she could do nothing for herself, dad would wash and dress her. All mum could do was feed herself and she didn't even remember at times she wasn't in her own home. After they left I saw the pressure on my dad and called for help. Between Christmas and new year she was put into a home. I feel unbelievebly guilty as I live 3 hours away from my parents am 6 months pregnant and have a 4 year old daughter and I feel I have failed her and not done enough to help her. I went to visit as much as I could, but my daughter found it distressing and mum did too and I'd hear her ask my dad when we were leaving. It's not like I live close enough to pop in for coffee to give dad a break, which undoubtedly I would have 100% done if I lived that bit closer. I would call almost daily and check in with my dad and give him support where possible. Since mum went into a home, Dad is now able to go out and 'live' a little, but through the grape vine I'm hearing that some people don't think I've done enough for mum and it's so upsetting as I'm not sure what else I could have done from 3hrs away. I went to stay with my dad for the past 4 nights, with my daughter and was able to support him at a time he needed me, but for mum I feel l have totally let her down and it's eating me up!
Thanks for listening!