my mum has gone into care

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by alison, Dec 18, 2003.

  1. alison

    alison Registered User

    Aug 25, 2003
    21
    gravesend, kent
    My Dad has been taking care of my mum for the last 5 years This year there have been numerous bruises on her, including some severe ones. The day centre she attended twice a week were even keeping a log and alerting me on a regular . My Dad puts them down to falls, but there may be more to it than meets the eye, we will never know. She was recently admitted to hospital, you would not believe the state she was in, the doctors thought she had been mugged, although my dad said she had had several falls. (! had posted previously about my concerns). She was put on the Adult at Risk register by soc servs and photos were taken. Anyway, Dad finally realised that it was best she went into care, I don't think she would have been allowed home even if he had disagreed. We were lucky enough to get her into a care home 10 minutes walk from both Dad's house and mine. She has only been in there two days. She seems totally confused, as she was in hospital. Keeps asking to go home, then saying she doesn't want to go home. Dad is now saying, she is so unhappy there, he may consider getting her home. She cannot walk properly, our gp is going to look at her and see about phisiotherapy. Has anyone any experience of the ability to walk suffering? Our gp said this isn't a part of hte alzhimers. What I wanted is other peoples experience of people going into care, does it get easier for them, and us? She looks to sad when we leave and I keep visualising her just sitting in a row staring into space, with all the others, some far worse than her. She still knows who we are, but has deteroriated so much these last few weeks. I would like to wish you all as reasonable Xmas as possible in all our circumstances.
     
  2. jukeboxgypsy

    jukeboxgypsy Registered User

    Nov 26, 2003
    11
    Hi Alison

    My mum has also gone into care. She has for a while been unable to use left hand but now appears to have lost use of left leg too. I am wondering if she has had a stroke, tried to get some answers from the care home on xmas eve but they werent interested! So much for them being called a 'care' home! Posted some stuff in the other threads re care homes. Might be useful for you to read. Hope you managed to get through xmas ok.

    Kind Regards
     
  3. susan

    susan Registered User

    Aug 18, 2003
    125
    east sussex
    Dear Alison
    My dad went into care 3 1/2 years ago and that was after spending a year in the psychiatric dept in our local hospital. Social services sectioned him on our request because he was becoming so violent towards my mum - only because he didn't know her and he was a strong man. That was the hardest thing i have ever had to do - seeing him taken away never to come home again. At first he was very disorientated and confused and we had been warned that it would cause his condition to get worse - this it did.
    My mum went through the same, felt that he was not being looked after and he wanted to come home.
    Dad actually went through the not walking stage it seems that their brains are under stress the lose the ability to do mundane things such as walking. Once dad had settled he started walking again but quite wobbly. Dad has also been through the not able to feed himself some days. Sadly he can do nothing now, but please make the most of good days as these will disappear.
    Wishing you well for 2004 Love Susan
     
  4. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    143
    Nottingham
    Dear Alison

    I have been following your threads and have now read that your Mumhas gone into care. I know it must be teribly hard But I am sure it is the right thing for THE WHOLE of your family. My Mum went into care at the beginning of October after as spell in hosptal. Before that she lived with us for 8 years. She was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease but showed more and more signs of Dementia over the next 3 years. Then from this time last year she went down hill rapidly, having increasing delusions, hallucinations, forgetting how to do things, make tea, use her rise and reclins and eventually and most upsetting use the toilet. Her mobility also started to go. After a disastrous holiday which ended with a catastrophic episode she was admitted to hospital and I let it be known that I could no longer cope at home even with help. I have a 9 year old son and work part time. My Mum was eventually diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia which I can best describe as ' When AZ met Parkinson's' a particularly nasty variant in which the usual drugs for either complaint make the symtoms of the other complaint worse! When she left hospital a month later she could not walk at all, the home have got her walking a bit with support but she will neve walk unaided again. There are also many in the EMI home she is in who are not mobile and many of the books I have read on AZ say that immobility can happen in the latter stages. I went though many emotions when I realised Mum would have to go in a home. Relief when the clinicians agreed with me, then fear when I realised I would have to find her a place and immense sorrow when she eventually moved in. I am lucky she is receiving excellent care, I am an only child so rely on friends who visit to offer an opinion and they all agree. All the staff are wonderful and the Nursing Staff make it a point to ahve a chat if Mum is under the weather, or they have called the doctor. in fact they told me the other day they thought she may have had a little stroke and the measures they had taken. There was never any question of Mum coming home once she went into hospital as I was near breaking point but it was still the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. For the first few visits I cried all the way home. But I will always remember the words of the extremely kind Psychiatrist who eventually diagnosed Mum, she said that she had seen too many cases where carers soldier on at home only to have break downs or need major counselling to pull them through when their loved one dies.

    regards

    Geraldine
     
  5. kate34

    kate34 Registered User

    Sep 23, 2003
    51
    hi all sorry for absence

    HI All hope this will be a good new year for everyone as i think we have been through some difficult times!
    Dad is now in EMI nursing home 10 minutes away from us; he spent some time in the local psychiatric unit after i made the psychiatric nurses an ultimatum in November as the situation became untenable at home. In fact it was thanks to the Health Care Assistant on the team that we got him admitted at all as it was she who spoke directly to the consultant and told him how bad things were [despite us telling the trained nurses for ages how bad it had become!!]
    Any way i digress..well Dad is definitely worse now but owing to the progression of the illness, not to being moved as he is totally confused anyway most of the time! It is hard work for Mum to see him like this and in a way for her she says it is like a bereavement only there has been no body or funeral service; weird i know but i am sure that most of you will understand. It is sad to see him decline as it has been from the beginning and of course Mum has known him for 52 years so she has memories of what he used to be like which inevitably dont compare well to how he is now.
    Well, the home is a lovely place, one of the best apparently and we knew we liked it for Dad as soon as we went round it. The staff are lovely and kind and hopefully Dad will settle in in his own way in time
    best wishes to you all
    ps have now gone Broadband!! [will i ever master it?? lol]
    ;) keep smiling
    Kate
     

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