My mum has changed I cant

Fastwalker

Registered User
Apr 27, 2010
178
0
Tyne and Wear
I haven't been on for a while. My mum has been in a nursing home since November after having had a very nasty infection. I didn't think she would make Christmas. She has spent most of the time in bed and they got her out into a chair every now and then. She has been quite bright in recent months and has used my name and seems to know me. In the last week the dementia has got a little bit worse. They say she hasn't got an infection and I don't think so too. The nursing home are much better with the continence pads than the care homes were.
I think her skin has changed colour too and so has its tone She was in an unrousable sleep yesterday early evening although she had eaten and drunk loads in the day. Today one of the carers said she seemed to get like that once a month or so but I haven't seen it. Her friends have said that she sometimes has been like that when they have been. I haven't seen her like that before. She has seemed so good there until now. She watches her nice big telly and seems so happy and smiley (I know she has bad dementia and is incontinent). I was told last week that the GP (continuing care) had said how bright she was and that they should get her out of bed more) Is this part of the progression or just a blip? Is what the carer said true or just for me? She just seems different. It could also be the heat although I am not convinced. The North East of England hasn't been as hot as the South. I am an only child and am single and don't really have anyone to ask. I know I will lose her at some point but I didn't think it happened like this. It is hard going to work in the day and the home at night. I go almost every night but I struggle to go to work and then to the nursing home. My mum has no other relatives so doesn't get any other visitors apart from friends who go about once a fortnight. It is sometimes hard to get an answer from the carers or nurses. Sorry about the rambling but I just get so wound up with this awful disease
 

Pigeon11

Registered User
Jul 19, 2012
351
0
Hello Fastwalker

This is so difficult isn't it? Dementia seems to have its' ups and downs and I know the feeling all too well of having 'blips' and not being sure whether they are just that, or a sign the illness is getting worse.

I also know what it's like when you can't get an answer from carers etc, but have resigned myself to the fact that they just don't have any. That's not much comfort I know but perhaps it helps to know that they aren't trying to be unhelpful?

It must be so hard for you managing all this alone and visiting every day at the same time as working and I hope that you're looking after yourself. Your Mum seems to have some good days at least and from what you've described seems to be as happy and content as the situation will allow. It's ok to give yourself a break - she has other visitors and wouldn't want you to be wearing yourself out. The progression of dementia even at the late stages can be very drawn out so it's best try to pace yourself.
My dad has been bed-bound, incontinent and unable to communicate or feed himself for about three years now. He seems angry and unhappy all the time and cannot watch TV or get enjoyment out of anything. He hasn't recognised me for about 4 years but I still visit two or three times per week (work and other family commitments stop me from going more regularly). I never know whether he is deteriorating or not as everything seems to change so gradually. The uncertainty about how long he will suffer like this is hard to bear.

You're not alone on here. You'll get lots of support and I really do think it helps. Take care and let us know how things are going . xxx
 

Fastwalker

Registered User
Apr 27, 2010
178
0
Tyne and Wear
Thank you Pigeon for sharing your experiences. My mum has been enjoying the television even when the carers put on Hollyoaks and wall to wall Top Gear on Dave! It must be hard for you too. I just wonder what is normal and panic. Homes are frustrating I spent two hours yesterday. I agree that we all need to make time to do things for ourselves and I go out walking and sing in a choir. I also try to go out socially too. It must be hard your dad Pigeon not recognising you, my mum I am convinced recognises me and so says one of her friends who she has known since 1966. Another friend took delight in telling me how she had taken her ukulele and my mum had been mouthing the words to songs. That was about a month ago, and I think she is slightly worse since then.

On a positive note I am doing the Alzheimers trek on the North East coast (all being well with my mum) in September.

Sorry about the heading on this post, I cant get used the mouse pad on my laptop!
 

Pigeon11

Registered User
Jul 19, 2012
351
0
It's good that you're managing to have some time for yourself.

Your comment about the singing and the ukulele made me smile - dementia does have it's lighter moments too!

Hope you have a good day and keep your chin up. xxx
 

Fastwalker

Registered User
Apr 27, 2010
178
0
Tyne and Wear
I went tonight and my mums skin looked a little better and she was watching television. She was a little sleepy but not as bad as the two days before. It would have been her 58th wedding anniversary yesterday and she doesn't know who my dad was now. I find it hard to understand this illness.
 

Pigeon11

Registered User
Jul 19, 2012
351
0
That's a strange thing with skin-tone/colour etc isn't it but I've noticed the same thing. Sometimes my Dad's skin looks really dark and waxy as if he has a tan, then sometimes he is very flushed and ruddy looking. He's actually quite pale skinned so no idea what all that's about.

Glad your Mum seems to be perking up a bit. It is very hard to accept that they can forget close relatives like that. My dad forgot about my Mum at a very early stage. She died three years before he was officially diagnosed with dementia but it was as if she had never existed. I found that so difficult. I think sometimes it's better for them that they do forget as at least they don't have the deal with the grief of bereavement, (and in my case the fact that he rarely has family members visiting, other than me!)

Anniversaries and birthdays are always hard so I can sympathise.
 

darrylricher

Registered User
May 6, 2013
3
0
I know well how it is like to see our beloved ones experiencing dementia. It is better to give them care in dementia care homes or senior living communities. They know well about the how to take care of their needs and when they need special attention!
 

Mog The Hog

Registered User
Aug 4, 2013
7
0
Hi,
My mum is living at home with my dad and has Alzheimers. I have noticed sometimes that her skin changes to a peach colour. It is very odd as she is pale skinned. It does not seem to last long. I wondered if it was to do with blood flow?
 

Fastwalker

Registered User
Apr 27, 2010
178
0
Tyne and Wear
I noticed that they had given my mum Movicol so I wondered whether that was the cause or rather what the Movicol was given for was the cause. My mum seems a bit better but I still think she has gone down hill slightly.
 

Padraig

Registered User
Dec 10, 2009
1,037
0
Hereford
Hi,
Movical is a laxative for the treatment of constipation in adults. Very bad constipation called faecal impaction, and can lead to bleeding. It happened with my wife when I took her home to care for her. One morning I hoisted her on to the commode to take her to the wet room, when I wiped her bottom she was bleeding.
She was rushed to hospital and they never found out what was wrong with her. It was much later on that I realised what the problem was. At the time she was bedbound and lacked exercise. My approach was to add a dash of Lactulose to her drinks and to exercise her limbs with flection, extension and rotary actions.
I was no expert, but when you care for someone on your own year on year you learn very quickly, or you drown.
 

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