my mum has been on end of life for 13 weeks

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by dools, Dec 2, 2015.

  1. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6
    Hi
    can any one help me get my head round how some one can be put on end of life for 13 weeks .she is only eating a few mouthful of food and sips of water,
    i have been to see my mum today and her face and ears looked yellowy.
    i am finding it very hard to watch my mum go through this her waist is only 21 she has bed sores and she is like a skeleton .how long can some one last last this long.
    thanks dools
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,406
    Yorkshire
    Oh dools my heart goes out to you and your poor mum

    So sad you had to find TP under these circumstances - but I'm glad you have, there's lots of good folk on here to share your concerns with

    personally, I have no experience of end of life care - from others' posts it would seem that some folks have a strong grip on life, I guess one is your mum

    I wish you strength to see you through; and I wish peace for you both
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    I can't answer this my Mum was only on end of life for 24 hours but with no food or water - the longest 24 hours of my life and so I can only say that I really feel for you. Have the hospice been involved or palliative care nurses? I will be thinking of you. Welcome to TP there will be others along soon with different experiences xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  4. CeliaThePoet

    CeliaThePoet Registered User

    Dec 7, 2013
    614
    Buffalo, NY, USA
    This is horrible. Is she truly on palliative care? Is it appropriate for her to be fed at this stage? Can she speak? Is she getting proper pain control?
     
  5. Goldsmith

    Goldsmith Registered User

    Oct 21, 2015
    18
    Maldon, Essex
    I dont have the answer, just wanted to send you a hug. How bloody awful for you both.
     
  6. Jacqui Ann

    Jacqui Ann Registered User

    Dec 3, 2015
    1
    Hello Dools

    I think End of Life care can be for hours, days, weeks or months - it really depends on the individual. My Dad has been on End of Life Care for months now and the situation sounds very similar to yours - truly awful but all we can do is work with the care team to ensure that our parents are pain free and looked after with dignity and respect. My Dad hasn't eaten properly for months and is so frail and weak - heartbreaking to see. I ask the 'how long can this go on' question every day at the moment but sometimes, in good moments, can accept that this is how it is and just to take one day at a time. Hope and pray for peace of mind for everyone in this situation.
     
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,765
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)
     
  8. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,282
    SW London
    How awful for you, and for your poor mum. Is she still willing to eat and drink, or are they having to coax her?
     
  9. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6
    thankyou for replying some times she can speak but not for long she does not now who i am .they have to offer her food they say its there job she is only having teaspoons of food . they gave her 4 - 5 days but like i said 13 weeks later she is still here i have been to visit her today and she is in and out of sleep and she looks jeundis it is very sad to see your mum go this way you would not put any animal through it.
     
  10. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6
    Thankyou for replying i agree with everything you say the carers are doing a fanastic job it is just very p setting to see your parent to go through that you wouldnt let your animal go through it.i have been today and she is in and out of sleep and she looks yellow ,i would like her to go in her sleep so she is at piece but like you say you have to day by day but it is so hard for the family.
     
  11. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6
    Thanks for your reply.
     
  12. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6

    Thanks for your reply she will eat a little one day then nothing the next and just having sips of fluids ,
     
  13. dools

    dools Registered User

    Dec 2, 2015
    6
     
  14. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    107
    Essex
    Hi dools your mum sounds very similar to mine. She has been totally bedridden since Oct 2014 then fast fracked in May but was taken off in September. As you say, skeletal, barely eating or drinking, little communication, drowsy etc. Today I noticed yellow tinge too, is it jaundice? But apparently no end in sight. Absolutely hate to see her in such a pitiful state, wish it was over for her but dreading losing my lovely mum. Tough times, I wish you strength for the days ahead. X


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  15. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    157
    East Yorkshire
    Hello there, this may sound stupid, but how do they know when to start end of life care? My dad eats pitifully small amounts, sleeps practically all day, has lost so much weight and sometimes looks a yellowish colour. No one has mentioned end of life and to be honest, this is the first time I've visited this particular topic on here as I'm concerned that's where we may be at and no one has told me :(
     

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