My mum has been cautioned for shoplifting

[Bronzestraw]

Theft from store.

Hello. I need some advice as to how to respond to a manager of a local supermarket who has accused my mother of stealing a banana. I am not sure if he knows about her condition as he is quite new to the store but other members of staff know because she goes to the supermarket cafe for her lunch every day. Today she went into the main part of the store and took one banana which she admits she didn't pay for because there was a large queue and she didn't think it was important!! She took it back to the cafe and ate it. She has been told she will be barred from the store if it happens again which I think is a bit over the top. I need some advice as to how to proceed with this matter as I feel I should speak to the manager about it and also I'm not happy with the fact that he showed her up in the middle of the store when I think he should have taken her somewhere private. Can anyone tell me what they would do in these circumstances. By the way she is 90 years old and he is middle 30's and I feel he should have been more respectful. Thanks

Hi; Your mother has probably not received an official caution, only the police can do that and under the circumstances they would have advised the manager to take a more practical approach. They would not have wished to involve the justice system in any way. Technically it is theft providing that it could be proved she had a deliberate criminal intent to deprive the store of the property, however as she is suffering from Alzheimers which can obviously be confirmed by her Doctor, she is incapable of forming that intent. (and we are only talking about a banana)

In my view the store manager should have taken a much more common sense approach to the situation, especially given your mother's age and mental condition. If he spoke to her in public over the matter he was totally out of order. You didn't say if she was accompanied but if she was not and her condition was such that it was pretty obvious to anyone that she was suffering from an illness, any interview should have been conducted in the presence of someone able to act on her behalf, something which the police had they been informed would no doubt have been willing to do.
If you wish to take the matter further write to the head office of the company addressing the letter to the Managing Director (marked personal) expressing your concern, suggesting that someone in authority give the manager suitable advice. You might suggest in the letter that it would not be in the interest of the company if the incident came to the notice of the media and await his response with interest.

 

[SpidersWeb]

M&S held my mother for over an hour while waiting for a police response!

Hello. I need some advice as to how to respond to a manager of a local supermarket who has accused my mother of stealing a banana. I am not sure if he knows about her condition as he is quite new to the store but other members of staff know because she goes to the supermarket cafe for her lunch every day. Today she went into the main part of the store and took one banana which she admits she didn't pay for because there was a large queue and she didn't think it was important!! She took it back to the cafe and ate it. She has been told she will be barred from the store if it happens again which I think is a bit over the top. I need some advice as to how to proceed with this matter as I feel I should speak to the manager about it and also I'm not happy with the fact that he showed her up in the middle of the store when I think he should have taken her somewhere private. Can anyone tell me what they would do in these circumstances. By the way she is 90 years old and he is middle 30's and I feel he should have been more respectful. Thanks

You have my sincere sympathies - this was some time ago but my then 89 year old mother was held at our local M&S store for over an hour and interrogated while awaiting a police response because she picked up a scarf and put it in her bag in error. She had been a life long M&S shopper and at the time was a regular shopper buying her ready meals and clothes there. When we found out what had happened my sister and I arranged a meeting and gave the store manager a talking to, saying that they had behaved completely inappropriately with a loyal vulnerable elderly customer suffering from dementia. Consequently they sent my mother a letter humbly apologising for their actions and sent her the biggest bouquet of beautiful flowers and invited her to return to the store. But my mother had not only been very frightened by this horrible incident but had also been thoroughly humiliated. She never went back to M&S!

She is 98 now and has been in care for over five years with advanced dementia. My advice therefore must be take it up with the store manager. Good Luck!

 

[Raggedrobin]

Both stories are awful, your mums must have been so upset by it. While I agree a young store manager might not be that versed in dementia, by talking to him it gives you an opportunity to make sure that the next person with dementia who does this in his store doesn't get the same treatment.

I would certainly point out that he should not have publicly accosted her about it, but done so discreetly. i would also point out that she is a very loyal customer, having her lunch there every day and that to threaten her with a ban would impact badly on her social life in the community, having lunch there.

If the manager does not appear truly sorry or just doesn't get it, then I would contact head office to ask about their policy towards the elderly with dementia in this type of situation. If he is sorry but you don't feel that is enough, you could still contact head office and just describe your mum's experience to them, not mentioning the specific store, if you don't feel you want to dump him too deeply in it.

 

[fizzie]

I agree with Jaymar. I would speak to the manager privately, give him a contact number and tell him you will settle with them now and in the future and ask that they be kind and treat your mother with gentleness and the respect she deserves. You could even offer to speak to the staff....I expect there are many others with memory loss who use the supermarket and they may be grateful for your offer.

My Ma was also welcomed at the supermarket when they realised the problem and knew that everything would be sorted and like you we had a tricky banana like event to start with

 

[Chrismu]

Hello. I need some advice as to how to respond to a manager of a local supermarket who has accused my mother of stealing a banana. I am not sure if he knows about her condition as he is quite new to the store but other members of staff know because she goes to the supermarket cafe for her lunch every day. Today she went into the main part of the store and took one banana which she admits she didn't pay for because there was a large queue and she didn't think it was important!! She took it back to the cafe and ate it. She has been told she will be barred from the store if it happens again which I think is a bit over the top. I need some advice as to how to proceed with this matter as I feel I should speak to the manager about it and also I'm not happy with the fact that he showed her up in the middle of the store when I think he should have taken her somewhere private. Can anyone tell me what they would do in these circumstances. By the way she is 90 years old and he is middle 30's and I feel he should have been more respectful. Thanks

My Mum, too, had a 'shoplifting' episode. She locked her bankcard by keying the number in wrongly and then went out of Tesco with her shopping. The security guard escorted her back in. Fortunately, the store were sympathetic and realized it was a confusion issue and she had money in her purse to pay so the police were not informed.

I contacted the store and spoke to the manager, explaining that my Mum has AD,and he was amazing. He asked me to send a photo of my Mum so he could show it to the security guards so they would recognize her if something like this happened again and for my numbers so he could contact me. He also asked to meet us. I did call in and see him.

Fortunately, my Mum could not remember the episode within a couple of hours. A friend's granddaughter was in the store and asked her Gran to come and get my Mum who was white and shaking as she had no idea what was happening. Her friend rang me to tell me what had happened.

I suggest you contact the store and speak to the manager and tell them about my experience. If you don't get a satisfactory answer from them contact the store's head office. It was appalling that it was not dealt with in a private place.

 

[aquilaboy]

Not responsible

hi chrismu

My wife has had semantic dementia now for ten years (she is 66) and has shoplifted for the past three or four years. I noticed she had a new large collection of nail varnishes that I think she took from the chemist while collecting her prescription. She is also addicted to sugar/sweets/chocolate and I have had to stop the weekly visit to the supermarket in favour of on-line deliveries (which, as it happens, is pretty good!) but she will occasionally 'escape' the house and go up to the local Tesco to pinch jelly babies and Twix! I did catch her once in tesco filling her handbag and called the manager and explained the position and gave him my card. My point is that he understood, but if he hadn't, no matter - my wife is completely unaware of right or wrong; she cannot understand 90% of what is said to her, so banning her would be pointless. Also any legal proceedings would be pointless because she would be unable to 'plead' or understand what's going on. I now take the stance of 'bring it on' if any shop manager has the temerity to prosecute - it would be thrown out before any proceedings began., and they and the police would be severely embarrassed. Be strong - you and your mum have nothing to fear...

 

[lexy]

QUOTE]



My mum got banned from Tesco, when I asked her why she had no idea, I went to the supermarket and asked what had happened, I think she had had something to eat in the restaurant and "bypassed" the till on the way out, the way the restaurant was at the time it was very easy to do this. I asked if she owed any money and was told not to bother, the store manager said, "you see, we have to ban them otherwise they go on doing it" I suppose by "they" he meant other elderly people. Anyway, the next day my mum went into Tesco and did some shopping, paid and came home as if nothing had happened, she clearly had forgotten overnight that she had been banned. When I told her she was not supposed to go into the shop, she just looked surprised and said "why not"