To you all
Thank you for all of your kind messages and thoughts. I am still visiting the site and reading people's posts, and as I said before, there is a lot I can identify with still.
Funeral was last Friday - one of my sons and my uncle (Mum's brother) said a few words at the funeral which they both did very well. Her later state of mind was nicely fudged over but not dismissed and my son paid tribute to the part of her that was real that we could still touch.
I chose the order of service and designed the card with a photo montage of my Mum's life on the front which was very well received by everyone. Then my uncle mentioned that the reading I had chosen (the greatest gift of all is love etc) was my Mum's favourite - I truly hand on heart did not know that, I chose it as being appropriate and based on what I felt - did I know on a subconcious level?? I haven't the faintest idea. And my stepbrother, after speaking to his Dad, also said one of the hymns I chose was also a favourite - did I know that as well?? Maybe I did, she hadn't been to church in ages although she used to do so - who knows! Bit spooky really but in a nice way!
I still find it difficult to accept she is not there and it is hardest of all for my stepdad. I visited him yesterday and had to leave cos we were both getting too upset - even though he does not have dementia, his faculities aren't good and the home are going to keep him on the dementia unit because the others there have accepted him as he is and the staff know him and have been great with him. One of the staff accompanied him to the funeral and this young lad, who we all think is a great carer and who really liked Mum, got quite choked up himself and had to be comforted. it was also interesting that other staff told me how well she had settled in - it didn't seem like that to us, she always "wanted to go home" when we visited! I believe that we were the catalyst for that response and she was fine when we weren't around, same as I believe we will be for stepdad's grief and when we are not there he may adjust better.
It was nice to hear too from all of the outside people from the ambulance men who took her to hospital to the vicar that they all thought St Josephs (the home) is such a nice place. I agree.
Mum's death has thrown up a few complications with the house sale but at least we don't have to lie about it to her anymore. Stepdad knows although he will find that difficult to cope with too.
Sorry I have rambled on - back on the good old chemo (Yuk!) this week - can't wait!
Thank you all again.