My Mum died

LindaD

Registered User
Nov 17, 2004
30
Suffolk
Thank you to everyone who has supported me on here during Mum's dementia and while she has been in hospital this last week.

Hospital phoned at 6.30am to let me know she passed away in her sleep this morning. Still in shock, she seemed more with it yesterday when I saw her as well.

Waiting for both brothers to get here so that we can go and tell my stepfather in the home in person. He will be devastated.

Thank you agin for all your kind wishes.
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
Dear Linda, I am very sorry to hear that your Mum died this morning. Even if you were expecting the worst, it must still be a great shock to you. When my Dad died suddenly in hospital, we felt that at least he was at peace and no longer in any pain.
Try to think of the positive things, all the happy memories you and your Mum shared together when she was well. I'm glad your brothers are coming soon to support you. I shall be thinking of you today and I wish you well.
Best wishes, Kayla
 

suef56

Registered User
May 10, 2006
14
Middlesex
Linda

Dear Linda--thinking of you this evening and sending you love and prayers for the strength to get you through this next week and beyond.

When my MIL died it was actually from a strep infection in the blood due to peritonitis which was undiagnosed--the dementia meant that mum could not communicate and we were left guessing until the infection was too well established. That is part of the territory of dementia but even knowing that I still felt some responsibility that I had not got her to hospital sooner--4 years after her death I can accept that this was just not possible and that we really did our best in a confusing situation.

Try and get some rest although I know this will be a busy week of official things to do and decisions to be made at a time when you are all in that jumble of grief over your mum's death, needing to support your step-dad, and perhaps some sense of relief for your mum that her pain and confusion is over.

I hope you will still post on this site--the pain has stopped for your mum but I think the other lovely people on this site will be able to bring you much help and comfort in the coming days. XXX Sue
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
So sorry to read about your sad news.The next week will be hard on you, but at least you have your brothers around you to help you through it.

Liz
 

Jann

Registered User
May 24, 2006
39
tingewick, bucks.
My thoughts are very much with you at this sad time.
Just remember all the happy cherished moments you had with your mother; they'll be locked inside your heart forever.
Jan
 

LindaD

Registered User
Nov 17, 2004
30
Suffolk
Thank you

Thank you all so much for your kind replies and thoughts.

Because Mum had seemed to be improving her death was as much as a shock to the hospital staff as to us. The post mortem showed she had had a sudden internal abdominal aneurysm.

Telling my 86 year old stepfather who is stuck in a wheelchair and relied so much on Mum being with him was awful - he is devasted to say the least! We always thought that he would go first!

Funeral is next week, the day after my next chemo was due but the hospital have agreed to give me another week's grace. I don't think I could have coped with both in one week.

I will probably still vist the site from time to time and share my experiences as so much is said on here that I can relate to with Mum - at least she never got any worse mentally than she was and she still knew who we were.

Thank you all again
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Linda,
Do whatever you feel is right for you. You have a lot to offer us, and we would love to hear from you. Take time to grieve for your mum, and take time to care for yourself!
Love Amy
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Would like to share this with you

The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again ,but we must not close that keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust .

We must seek out other artist of the spirit new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again , who willl walk that road with us .
Rabbie Joshua Liebman.

Lind and I hope all of us on TP can do just that
 

LindaD

Registered User
Nov 17, 2004
30
Suffolk
To you all

Thank you for all of your kind messages and thoughts. I am still visiting the site and reading people's posts, and as I said before, there is a lot I can identify with still.

Funeral was last Friday - one of my sons and my uncle (Mum's brother) said a few words at the funeral which they both did very well. Her later state of mind was nicely fudged over but not dismissed and my son paid tribute to the part of her that was real that we could still touch.

I chose the order of service and designed the card with a photo montage of my Mum's life on the front which was very well received by everyone. Then my uncle mentioned that the reading I had chosen (the greatest gift of all is love etc) was my Mum's favourite - I truly hand on heart did not know that, I chose it as being appropriate and based on what I felt - did I know on a subconcious level?? I haven't the faintest idea. And my stepbrother, after speaking to his Dad, also said one of the hymns I chose was also a favourite - did I know that as well?? Maybe I did, she hadn't been to church in ages although she used to do so - who knows! Bit spooky really but in a nice way!

I still find it difficult to accept she is not there and it is hardest of all for my stepdad. I visited him yesterday and had to leave cos we were both getting too upset - even though he does not have dementia, his faculities aren't good and the home are going to keep him on the dementia unit because the others there have accepted him as he is and the staff know him and have been great with him. One of the staff accompanied him to the funeral and this young lad, who we all think is a great carer and who really liked Mum, got quite choked up himself and had to be comforted. it was also interesting that other staff told me how well she had settled in - it didn't seem like that to us, she always "wanted to go home" when we visited! I believe that we were the catalyst for that response and she was fine when we weren't around, same as I believe we will be for stepdad's grief and when we are not there he may adjust better.

It was nice to hear too from all of the outside people from the ambulance men who took her to hospital to the vicar that they all thought St Josephs (the home) is such a nice place. I agree.

Mum's death has thrown up a few complications with the house sale but at least we don't have to lie about it to her anymore. Stepdad knows although he will find that difficult to cope with too.

Sorry I have rambled on - back on the good old chemo (Yuk!) this week - can't wait!

Thank you all again.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
The greatest gift of all is love, that is a lovely reading,:) dose sound strange, but who knows …

How nice to read about that young boy, just go to show, that care worker really do care, just that we never see that side sometimes ,

All the best at chemo :)