My mum always wants to go home...

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Elmo, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. Elmo

    Elmo Registered User

    Jun 1, 2013
    10
    My mum is 63 and was diagnosed with Altzeimers nearly 3 years ago. Just after Christmas, we started to see a slight decline when she was starting to become anxious and not wanting my dad to go to work. This has now escalated to her becoming erratic and wanting to go home (when she is already at home), not knowing who my dad is and being generally upset and frightened. We have tried many tactics to calm her down but the most successful seems to be my dad getting her in the car and driving around until she directs him back to their house. Afterwards she is calm and happy until the cycle starts again. It's happening up to 5 times a day now and my dad is at the end of his tether. She started on some new medication before Christmas that we thought might be the culprit so the consultant told my dad to stop giving it and to see what happens. In fact it has made her worse. I know sun downing is an issue with her too because she hates the dark. My dad is holding out that it's just the medication causing it but I know deep down that this is just her Altzeimers getting worse! It's just so heartbreaking.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,335
    Merseyside
    Wanting to go home us very common. Home seems mostly to be their childhood home where they felt safe & secure.
     
  3. Crag

    Crag Registered User

    Jan 3, 2015
    76
    I have a lot of problems with Dad wanting to go home. I wish I could give an answer to solve it for you, but I and many others haven't found the answer yet.
    I agree with the above poster that 'home' is a comfortable, safe place, but not anywhere specific. On Dad's last bout, I asked where home was and he reeled off his current address.
    I have in the past got him into the car and drove a few miles, and I've also been out and walked with him, and he's been fine when we've got home, but there has also been a time when he wasn't. The hardest part for me is keeping myself calm when dealing with it, and if you can distract him onto a subject he can grasp onto, then that normally helps.

    I hate this disease more each day.
     
  4. AlexEJ

    AlexEJ Registered User

    Nov 1, 2014
    22
    Hi Elmo,

    This is exactly how my mum was. She's now in a home (she's only 68) but, when I was visiting she would often say when 'I want to go home' and 'where is your dad?' He may often have just walked out the room but she thought he'd been gone out for ages. In the end, my dad had to temporarily resign from work as mum became so anxious and confused of her whereabouts. My dad finally said he couldn't take it anymore and we made the difficult decision to put her in a home....it's heartbreaking. She's only been there a few weeks, so still very much early days.

    I don't know what to suggest apart from a distraction maybe? Ask her to help you make a cup of tea by passing you the milk or something or go for a walk with her. I know that's not hugely practical 5 times a day though and especially if the weather is bad. My mum too also hates the dark!

    It could well be that her meds aren't the right ones for her, it's amazing how the right drugs can make a difference.
    Meet talking to us and it's good to get things off your chest.

    Alex xx




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. Elmo

    Elmo Registered User

    Jun 1, 2013
    10
    Thank you for replying. She was seen by the Alzheimer's nurse today and they are going to sort her meds out. Hopefully it will make her settle. Sorry to hear about your relatives and the massive strain it puts on families.
     

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