My Mother


Registered User
Aug 2, 2003
Sible Hedingham
Hello...I'm a new member.
Sadly I lost my Mum a few months ago to Alzheimers.
She had lived with us for 14 years after my Dad's death,
& was diagnosed in 1993.
We nursed her at home & in 2000 she was found a nursing
home placement.
Her Alzheimers was defined as multi-infarct dementia & progressed down several avenues. After one particularly nasty
head injury resulting from a fall she became very aggressive & this was followed by her becoming extremely noisy day & night.
I visited her each evening in the home, getting her ready for bed etc - as I had when she was with us - & just chatting. It was a very odd form of conversation that I don't know who was more distressed about - her or me.
Mum had another fall the day before her 85th b/day, breaking her hip which required surgery, & whilst in hospital the nursing home
decided that she wouldn't be allowed back because of her disruptiveness.
She stayed in the General hospital for 5 months & was then transferred to our local community hospital bacause there were no other nursing homes available, where she stayed another 5
months before she passed away.
Her Alzheimers got progressively worse & worse whilst she was hospitalised & I became the only person she would take food & liquid from on my nightly visits - but of course 1 meal & 1 drink a day were not enough. I pleaded with the doctor to establish PEG
feeding but they wouldn't hear of it.
My Mother died solely from Alzheimers - that wretched disease that destroys loved ones & breaks your heart.
If anyone would like to chat - please do.
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Registered User
May 28, 2003
I'm sorry to read of the pain you and your family have suffered. People often say to me this is the worst type of illness. With the other major illness Cancer, one may be a little more accepting? The progression of a dementia is so dreadful for all involved.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I think its wonderful that you are happy to chat with others, whom you will so easily relate too.


Registered User
Jun 11, 2003
Hi Pauline
Welcome to the site, it is brilliant at last that the social awareness of Alzheimers and Dementia has risen together with forums of this nature which can only assist further. Its unbelievable that everyones experiences are totally different and the ages of diagnosis are frightening. Your story made me feel warm you sound so caring and your Mum was very lucky I am sure to have had your support for all of these years. It is so common to see that in some instances families are unable to cope with the degeneration of this illness. I speak with personal experience as my Mum too has AD she is only 64yrs the sad thing is that she is already totally dependent and her communication is little however you can definately hear her in the night and day when she gets agitated - the distruptive behaviour is in itself quite tiring to deal with! The sad thing is that sometimes you cannot do right for wrong, do you over or underfeed? is she hurting? is she thirsty? this type of thing we will never know. It disappoints me that an illness that affects so many people is only just receiving the funding and support necessary for further investigations, to be fair I even think the consultants struggle with some instances. The Alzheimers Society have recently supported my family with a sitter one evening a week as the doctors have recognised that Mum is more relaxed in her own surroundings they even performed the testing her her Aricept tablets at home. Sleeping is the nightmare we can never seem to get it right even with the medication she is on and like a child she is then overtired. Oh so much pain however a smile and hug make everything all worthwhile. Good Luck with whatever you do and I am sure that you too can provide others with useful information from your experience.


Registered User
Aug 20, 2003
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Hy Pauline,

I am a new member too. My mother has passed away on Sept 13, 2002, just 2 days before my birthday.
I completely understand how you feel and believe...we are all equal in our pain and suffering.
When we realised that she had Alzheimer's I became very upset and sometimes angry with her...How could her doing this to me !
How could she forget things after a so very productive life !
Mothers can not die ! Never be ill !!
For several ocasions I thought I could not make it but I did.
We all did. Believe or not, no matter your religion is, there is a God and He is always taking care of us. Even when we think we are alone.
At the beginning of her disease I was affraid to tell the people about it but at the end, I could face it in a more normal way.
Hope you feel better,



Registered User
Aug 25, 2003
gravesend, kent
I am so glad I found this discussion section of the site. When I read other peoples experiences, I can see I am not the only one. I am an only child. My dad cares for my mum who is 76. He won't accept help or advice. He doesn't realise how bad she has got or how bad she will get. This behaviour is quite normal I am told, but so difficult for me to cope with. She still knows who everyone is and sleeps well at night. I could ramble on for ages, as although I have good friends and a supportive husband, no one knows how it feels to slowly loose someone. My mum was always smart, active and intelligent, held down a good job and kept her mind active, all the things they say should help prevent alzheimers. I wish my dad would accept help and advice. She goes to a day centre twice a week but my dad still asks her what she had for lunch, she obviously lies just to appease him. He says she looks forward to going, but she doesn't because she doesn't remember going. I am sure it helps us all to get things of our chests with people in the same situation. Kind regards to you.