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My Mother has Vascular Dementia


Registered User
Oct 20, 2015
Two years ago my now 85 year old mother was diagnosed as having vascular dementia. At first it wasn't that obvious but following several visits to see a consultant at the local hospital it became apparent how bad mother was and her normal happy self was a disguise to what was happening inside. It has over these past 2 years become a very quick decline in her state of mind, memory and well being. My 85 year father at first was in denial that anything was wrong with her and would be quite blunt with my brother and I that mum was in need of help. The hospital have prescribed the usual medication in an attempt to slow the decline but my brother and I know that this will only help a bit but mum needed support and help going forward. Fortunately my brother lives nearby and is able to pop in with his wife twice weekly to provide meals and help but as they both are full time workers it is only evenings or at weekends that they can visit. Home help and meals on meals were arranged but my father is a stubborn person and doesn't want to have help as he is adamant that he can look after my mother. It has now got to a point that he has had several falls outside the house as well as inside and although he hasn't broken anything he is battered and bruised.
He is struggling now to deal with mothers outbreaks of hostility verbally with him and the things that are going missing around the house that mum squirrels away in secret places. He struggles to keep on top of things, such as washing and cleaning as well as shopping and as much as my brother and I try to get help and assistance my father refuses to accept. I unfortunately live over 120 miles away and cant visit as much as would like and usually on peak with my parents via the phone during the week. My brother and I both have LPA's and EPAs for my parents but as this is all new to us both we are not sure what steps to take next or what grounds we have to take these steps as my father is still medically compos mentis. Any help, similar experience or advice would be great. Thanks..


Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
Welcome to TP :)

I have the same battle with my Dad over help. It's so frustrating.

Have you tried introducing a cleaner to help with cleaning, washing, shopping etc?
Sometimes cleaners are far more acceptable than a career.