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My mother has shown signs but wont allow us to help

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Marcus46, May 29, 2015.

  1. Marcus46

    Marcus46 Registered User

    May 29, 2015
    We have noticed a huge change telling us that all her belongings have been stolen,she has pushed us all away and blames us for things that she claims are going missing from her sheltered home.we cannot challenge her because she can become aggressive.
    we are beside ourselves as social services have visited and said she is eating so she must be ok.someone please give us some advice as we just don't know what to do for our mum.
    Marcus n deb
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    #2 Beate, May 29, 2015
    Last edited: May 29, 2015
    Oh yes, I do remember that first assessment. "He can make himself a sandwich? He is fine." It took a crisis for them to react properly. Does your mum wander by any chance, answer the door to shady strangers or give details on the phone to sales callers? Ring SS again and insist she is A VULNERABLE ADULT AT RISK. Sorry for the caps but you have to be forceful with them. Get her GP involved - if anything, he ought to look at her aggressive behaviour but he/she can also put pressure on the powers that be. If she wanders etc, report her to the police as a vulnerable adult that should be kept an eye on - any incident they have to come out for will be recorded and can be used as evidence for council involvement. Don't let social services get the better of you. Their main instinct is to save money. Your main instinct is to keep your Mum safe.
  3. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    Northern Ireland
    I work in the NHS so am fortunate to know the so called 'buzz words'. When you mention terms such as vulnerable adult, duty of care and at risk to them they have to take notice. My advice would be to write a letter stating very clearly what your concerns are, mention your mum is vulnerable, that she is at risk (insert reasons why) and say that legally they have a duty of care to protect her. Register the letter so they can't claim it never arrived.

    I did battle with social services for over a year before they finally agreed mum needed full-time care. I won't bore you with her issues but there was a growing list. Social services (I believe) want to do the minimum necessary to cover themselves but they only want to spend as little as possible. This is why they try to shake you off as much as they can. They know a significant number of folk will just accept their initial assessment and struggle on on their own. Once you start getting more determined and insistent with them they will have to engage.
  4. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Totally agree. You need to keep saying those words VULNERABLE ADULT AT RISK. They cannot ignore it. My mother pushed us alk away too. I kept going back as i had to know how she was. If you can take children to visit try that. Take a cake and act like nothing happened. Talk about the weather and see how she is and the house. Check therecis food etc. Offer to gi shopping with her. Dont argue with her. Dont try to get her to try and see sense, see reality or home bad she is. She just cannot. Her reality is different. Find axway back. Its very hard but i am glad i did. My other two sisters dud not try. They took it personally. Keep posting and we will all help. Its a hard road but here you are not alone.

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