My mother has MCI

Mendoman

New member
Jun 22, 2022
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Hello, I'm new here and this is my first posting, so please forgive me if I'm posting in the wrong place. My mother has MCI and within the last month it's gotten worse. She can't form new memories, and therefore she'll ask the same question several times in succession, or tell the same anecdote several times over. I can be patient - it's hard at times - but the biggest challenge is that I still work, and sometimes she'll call and I'll be on the phone for an hour or so hearing the same stories over and over. Does anyone have any advice for how to lovingly handle this? Telling her that I've already heard this story only embarrasses her and makes her feel bad. I'm especially busy right now and can't afford to spend that much time on the phone. The other thing is that in the last month or so her condition has worsened. I don't live near my parents and this past weekend I traveled to another part of the country for a wedding (my parents were unable to attend). She knew I was flying, and when I got back home I got 3 messages from her saying how good it was to see me again. She apparently thinks I was traveling to visit her and my father. This is really hard, and it's uncharted territory for me. Her next scheduled appointment with her neurologist isn't until October and I'm wondering if it's worth letting the neurologist know about the recent downturn. My father is pretty much in denial and thinks she just needs to focus and pay more attention. I can't convince him that her brain just doesn't work that way anymore. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
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Bristol
Hullo and welcome @Mendoman.
Sadly both problems are fairly common with dementia. I would definitely make notes and let the neurologist know as much as you can about the progress of your mum's condition. Regarding the repetition and how to handle it diplomatically or lovingly there is a thread that has some helpful tips on https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/, I hope it helps. My late partner's children were in denial for years and sadly it took a crisis situation to make them realise what was happening to their mum. I hope someone can give you advice to make sure that does not happen for your dad to realise.
 

Mendoman

New member
Jun 22, 2022
2
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Thanks @nae sporran this is helpful and I'm going to share it with my sister. My Dad is notoriously stubborn, so I don't know what it will take to convince him.
I'm sorry you lost your partner, and it sounds like it was very difficult. My sincere sympathies to you.
 

mikeb2

Registered User
May 17, 2022
220
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Initially My OH was diagnosed with MCI - we did not get any advice was really dismissed , no follow up. its seems like its nothing to concern yourself. put in a referral and now thats that,
Has for how people deal with my OH is they shout at him like hes deaf and the louder they shout think it will sink in better
 

Donk1

Registered User
Mar 26, 2022
80
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What IS the difference between MCI and early dementia. My OH was really bad but for the last 3 months has been so much better, this may be because of the higher dose of doneprezil or that his TSH (thyroid function) is no longer high. He knows who I am all the time now which he did not before. He is still confused about some things and has no memory at all of our life,together. So sometimes I wonder if he has MCI….in the end it probably doesn’t make a difference,
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
What IS the difference between MCI and early dementia. My OH was really bad but for the last 3 months has been so much better, this may be because of the higher dose of doneprezil or that his TSH (thyroid function) is no longer high. He knows who I am all the time now which he did not before. He is still confused about some things and has no memory at all of our life,together. So sometimes I wonder if he has MCI….in the end it probably doesn’t make a difference,

This might explain MCI for you -


I think your husband must have a diagnosis of a dementia if he is on donepezil - perhaps the consultant has told you which type of dementia. My husband was on donepezil and for a long time I felt it did make a difference. He had Alzheimer’s.
 

SERENA50

Registered User
Jan 17, 2018
433
0
Hi

Dad has MCI and brain atrophy and possibly NPH. We were told that MCI can then lead on to dementia sometimes not always but quite likely and we see it ourselves in how Dad is . We see it in the way that dad cannot learn new things easily, microwaves are a bug bear for example lol he has got through about five and then all of a sudden he can use it again but then sometimes he can't think at all. He is definitely getting worse because we notice if we chat normally he just looses the thread of what we are saying, he gets dates and times muddled up a lot more and keeps saying I don't know what is going on. I sometimes wonder how that must feel , to be listening and actually not be able to understand what is being said or why. We have to remember ourselves to change the way we speak depending on his day.
 

mikeb2

Registered User
May 17, 2022
220
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I know this may seems silly but I still very new about Demetia -My husband at present walks to work - though at work found wandering on more than 2 occasions- My questions is would it be beneficial giving him an lanyard to wear- has I do fear him getting lost walking to work
 

SERENA50

Registered User
Jan 17, 2018
433
0
I know this may seems silly but I still very new about Demetia -My husband at present walks to work - though at work found wandering on more than 2 occasions- My questions is would it be beneficial giving him an lanyard to wear- has I do fear him getting lost walking to work
Hi

My Dad has very poor mobility but he may at some point still be able if that is the right word to get disorientated. He is still driving albeit the same route to the same place once a week. I have put an emergency card in his wallet, which he never leaves home without that which has our details on. If you mean sort of a tracker thing I am sure someone will be along with a few suggestions. Would your husband keep it on? I know you can get watch type things as well.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
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Nottinghamshire
@mikeb2 , there are sunflower lanyards that flag up that the wearer may need extra help without specifying what that help may be. Is that the sort of thing you were thinking of.? If you are thinking trackers. Meet Adam is a useful site for finding what is out there. This is a search I did on the site on technology around being out and about.