My mother has dementia, my father is struggling. What should I do?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Johnnie1, Dec 5, 2019.

  1. Johnnie1

    Johnnie1 New member

    Dec 5, 2019
    1
    Hi,
    I am new to this forum and find it a great help, thank you to all contributors.
    My mum has dementia and my father is the carer. He is 79 and she is 77. My dad really struggles as my mum can get very argumentative. She locked him in the conservatory recently and gets very unreasonable. I don’t know what to do as my dad says he’s waiting to hear about a care package but no one is getting back to him. He is reluctant to call them as my mum over hears and starts getting annoyed with him.
    He’s very caring and I think he’s not wanting to put my mum into care. They have been married for 45 years and she doesn’t remember marrying him and thinks he is lying about his relationship, can anyone suggest anything that I can do? I support them both obviously but I feel he’s not strong enough to do anything about this.
     
  2. Caron68

    Caron68 New member

    Dec 5, 2019
    1
    I know exactly how you feel, unfortunately my dad just wants my mum out of the house as he just cant cope with her confusion and distress and has said he is going to move out and leave her. We are still waiting for a diagnosis as although we went to the GP only a month ago with fairly mild symptoms she had drastically changed since then with hallucinations and at times no longer recognises my dad. I have a telephone logged with her GP tomorrow as I just do not know what to do.

    Sorry, not helping you at all but will be interested in any advice that can help us both.
     
  3. Sunshine2*

    Sunshine2* Registered User

    May 16, 2019
    23
    Hi, Your parents are fortunate that you are supporting them both and I hope things improve for you all soon. With your Dad’s permission, would he allow you to make a call on his behalf, regarding chasing up the care package? There are so many helpful people on here. Keep posting.
     
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,648
    Nottinghamshire
    Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Johnnie1 and @Caron68

    I hope you’ll find the forum to be a supportive and informative place.

    @Johnnie1 I’m thinking the same as @Sunshine2* If you can get your dad’s permission to help with sorting out your mum’s care it would make things easier for him. He would need to make a call to SS to name you as another person they can speak to. Once a good care package is in place it’ll make it much easier for your dad to cope.

    @Caron68 it’s possible that your mum may have an infection (UTI is the usual culprit) if her behaviour has suddenly deteriorated to an extreme degree. If this is the cause she should get back to normal once the infection has been treated.
     
  5. CardiffGirlInEssex

    CardiffGirlInEssex Registered User

    Oct 6, 2018
    131
    I'm in a similar situation where my 92 year old father is effectively carer for my 85 year old mother. As well as mum's AD, both of them have physical disabilities. Mum's AD has nosedived after a recent prolonged hospital stay. We have found Admiral Nurses very helpful as they support the carer, rather than the PWD, so I'd recommend contacting them. Just Google Admiral Nurses.
     

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