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My Mother Fell Again This Morning and Is in Hospital Again ... losing it here.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Anonymous4now, Oct 2, 2015.

  1. Anonymous4now

    Anonymous4now Registered User

    Jun 22, 2014
    41
    USA
    #1 Anonymous4now, Oct 2, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2015
    My mother fell again this morning and is in hospital. I awoke to a call from the emergency line (thing she wears around her neck) that my mother had fallen in her home and pressed the buzzer for them. They were on their way and needed the keys.
    I ran to her house to find the ambulance and all streets cut off around it. I must have been hysterical because I was banging on the ambulance door over and over thinking she was in it … like the last times. It was like deja-vu ... when she almost died and I was with her in the ambulance and she had a heart attack ... like the stroke ... like the CHF complications and breathing and swelling ... and all the falls, fractures, and hospitalizations. In and out and in and out. She is so tired. So am I. It's just too much. My health is poor and I have difficulty just dealing with self-care. I am trying. I do care. But, I am not doing the things I should be doing other than cooking & shopping for her and trying to be there in crises/ I am not a real carer living with her or having her live with me, like I should be. The guilt is all-consuming. Please forgive my rambling.

    I ran into her building to find the police and the medics all around the door banging on it and unable to get in. I had the keys but could not do it. They could not open the door either. What is wrong with me. They broke down the door completely. I ran in to my mother and found her on the floor and it was all I could do not to burst into tears for I saw “the end” in her face. Her illnesses have ravaged her and I was in shock. The medics were asking for her insurance cards; I did not know where she keeps them. Told them the hospital knows her (they know her too well). I felt angry with everyone there. Now my husband is at her home trhing to get the door replaced as it is just a flat in a large building and my brother is at the hospital. And, I am a loser. I am in my home crying and feeling like I can’t do it any longer. I cannot watch this any longer. Life is cruel. I feel completely alone in this. Dysfjunctional family, husband who has no soul and I am so overwhelmed I feel like I am losing my mind. My brother is at the hospital with her right now and I cannot bring myself to move. I feel frozen.
    I know how crazy this sounds, but someone, please talk to me.
     
  2. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    581
    Goodness, take a deep breath. There's so much going on in your mind at the moment and your post expresses that as only someone in your state of mind can.

    Do you have the Samaritans in the USA? Someone outside of your family that you can talk to? A good friend who would listen to your distress. You need to take care of you. Your mum is being looked after in the best possible way. Insurance documents can wait.
     
  3. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    I am sorry to hear about your mum how upsetting for you all, You sound as though you are doing a great job being there for her when you can, please look after yourself you will be no help if you make yourself worse, take deep breaths, I hope your mum is comfortable,

    Jeany x
     
  4. PeggySmith

    PeggySmith Registered User

    Apr 16, 2012
    1,685
    BANES
    Hi Anon. What a horrible thing to happen, no wonder you're in a state right now, I would be just the same. I find having a hot soak in the bath helps but if that's not for you, is there anyone you can ring and talk to?
    It's late afternoon here in the UK so lots of people will be logging on soon to offer support and help.
    Sending you a big virtual hug, Peggy
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,207
    Merseyside
    Sweetie please take some long deep breathes. In & out, in & out.

    You are not a loser. You are overwhelmed with everything that is happening.
     
  6. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,207
    Merseyside
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    #7 Izzy, Oct 2, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2015
    I'm so sorry to read of your situation. Cat is right. Try to talk some time to calm yourself a little. I don't know what the situation is with Samaratins in the US but here they have an emotional listening service. It might be worth finding out their contact number and ringing them.

    Edit -I've just had a look and the US Alzheimer Association has a 24/7 Helpline. The number is at the top of their website homepage. Perhaps you could call them.

    http://www.alz.org/?sp=true
     
  8. Sammyjo1

    Sammyjo1 Registered User

    Jul 8, 2014
    194
    It sounds like you are really at the end of your tether and are not getting any support at all.

    If you can't find anyone to phone from the US, you can always email Samaritans. It may take a little while for them to respond but the email address is

    jo@samaritans.org

    I hope you manage to get some support and that things get easier for you

    Take care
     
  9. Anonymous4now

    Anonymous4now Registered User

    Jun 22, 2014
    41
    USA
    Thank you all for responding. I read what I wrote and thought "I sound crazy". I remember banging on the ambulance doors like a madwoman and, now I know why. On one occasion, they put her in there, unconscious, and I banged on the door and they spoke to me and told me that she was "stable". I think that all this ambulance stuff .. riding with them at times and seeing them work on her .. I think it was PTSD.
    I hope that is what happened or I am "daft", right?
    Is there a number for people who are grieving imminent loss? I think I need help in coping with all of this.
    I am starting to calm down, but most go to the hospital to spell my brother. I will be reading your comments at the hospital too.
    Please forgive my outburst.
     
  10. Anonymous4now

    Anonymous4now Registered User

    Jun 22, 2014
    41
    USA
    Thank you ... I will try all those phone numbers.
     
  11. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,658
    North West
    Absolutely nothing to forgive Anon. TP is here for all of us, whatever state we are in, and people will respond.
     
  12. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,207
    Merseyside
    You don't sound crazy at all.
    There's nothing to forgive TP is here to support you.
     
  13. Anonymous4now

    Anonymous4now Registered User

    Jun 22, 2014
    41
    USA
    Thank you all ... so much.

    I feel such a fool writing all of that ... you are right. I am overwhelmed with little support. I do have one great support, my friend, and she is out today. I know she will help me when she gets back. She doesn't have a mobile.
    You are all such wonderful people, but then, what else would you be? You are caring for loved ones like so few do these days.
    I read on here often, but have not posted too much. I am so grateful though that you have all responded with helpful, kind, and very understanding words to one very overwrought woman (that would be me, ha!) , right now.
    Thank you for validating my feelings, telling me I am not "mad" and not bothering you with triviality. I do worry that you all have so much going on and I don't want to take your time with my posts unless they are really important.
    You are helping me. I think I am responding to all of it ... so many long years ... so many surgeries, hospitals, rehabs, falls .. I wonder why. Why must good people suffer for so long. Age old question with no answer.
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    My you are certainly not foolish! Sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees.
     
  15. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,207
    Merseyside

    You did so well getting it all out. It always helps.
     
  16. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    It's very, very difficult watching a loved one suffer when there's very little you can do to help. It takes it's toll on your emotions and it's very easy to react in the heat of the moment. We would have all probably reacted in the same way.

    I remember being on call for my father and it's hard.

    Remember to look after yourself in all this as we all need some tlc too !


    Hope it all sorts itself out in the very near future.
     
  17. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    help line

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and the whole situation.

    The Samaritans are not as well known here in the States as in the UK, but it can't hurt to give them a call.

    Definitely don't hesitate to call the US Alzheimer's society. They answer the phone 24/7 and may be able to put you in touch with resources in your area.

    Most cities/counties have some sort of a mental health agency, whether it's a hospital, a community agency (Jewish Family Services, Lutheran Family Services, there's a Catholic one, there are lots of small agencies), or what have you. All of these will have a recording after hours with a local and/or toll-free number you can call if it's urgent/a mental health emergency.

    You might Google your city name, plus "mental health hotline" or "crisis line" or something similar.

    If you have a religious affiliation, that can be a resource as well.

    And you can ask for help at the hospital: the chaplain or social worker can give you a referral to resources in the area for you as well as your mother.

    If none of this helps, don't hesitate to call the National Institute of Mental Health crisis line at 1-800-273-8255 and they can get you to a counselor or a local agency in your area.

    I don't think you are mad, crazy, insane, stupid, bad, daft, silly, or wrong in any way. I think you are upset, overwhelmed, tired, and lacking immediate support. No shame and no blame, just the way it is. Please do get some help of some sort, and try to be kind to yourself.
     
  18. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    awwwwww my heart goes out to you. You described the overwhelming feeling so well you made me cry. It is such a hard journey but you must be such a great support to your family. Well done you xxx take care of yourself, thinking of you x
     
  19. Nordholm123

    Nordholm123 Registered User

    Mar 2, 2012
    12
    Merseyside
    I like how you know where you are in all this. You have a good way of thinking. I know the story too: too much to do and always a sort of helpless anxiety you keep to yourself. It won't last forever so keep your health in good order first. You matter a whole lot. Happiness will come. God bless.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  20. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,207
    Merseyside
    Hi anonymous4now I hope you're ok?
     

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