My mother doesn't accept she may have dementia

[helenlong]

Hi, My 87YO mother has a shocking memory She lost her husband of 57 years in March, but I know her memory was bad before then, it has just got worse with the shock etc. She cannot remember stuff and gets quite agitated when I try to tell her that she has been told something before. Minor stuff doesn't matter, but things related to my father's estate are really quite important!
She did agree to go to the doctor, but refused to let me go with her. I imagine that she was very dismissive when she talked to him, as she said he thought she didn't have a problem, so there is no need for tests.
Trouble is that she is very suspicious, now about me. She is starting to believe I am being secretive, especially about money. She thinks I am keeping things from her, which is not the case. She has been told, but forgotten.
How do I procede? Do I have the right to go behind her back and talk to her GP?

 

[Jessbow]

I would certainly try and have a word with the GP.

 

[Izzy]

I think if your mother's GP is willing to discuss your mum with you then you should go ahead. You could even keep a diary for a week or so and send it to him/her to illustrate your concerns.

 

[JayGun]

Hi, My 87YO mother has a shocking memory She lost her husband of 57 years in March, but I know her memory was bad before then, it has just got worse with the shock etc. She cannot remember stuff and gets quite agitated when I try to tell her that she has been told something before. Minor stuff doesn't matter, but things related to my father's estate are really quite important!
She did agree to go to the doctor, but refused to let me go with her. I imagine that she was very dismissive when she talked to him, as she said he thought she didn't have a problem, so there is no need for tests.
Trouble is that she is very suspicious, now about me. She is starting to believe I am being secretive, especially about money. She thinks I am keeping things from her, which is not the case. She has been told, but forgotten.
How do I procede? Do I have the right to go behind her back and talk to her GP?

You have every right to speak to your mother's GP about your concerns but the GP is not allowed to discuss your mother's medical details with you.

What happens after you tell the GP your observations rather depends on them but most good ones will either visit, send a community nurse or invite your mother in for a check up.

 

[sheelz]

Hello there, when we had concerns about my mom(6months ago)I rang my moms GP with my concerns about her memory and spoke to the receptionist who had a word with moms GP then she rang me back, and told me to put all my concerns re what's happening with mom in an email and gave the surgery email address, then to make an appointment to go and see her GP. Fortunately my mom let me go with her as I told a little white lie, telling her that I wanted to check all is OK with her as she was 82, having said that my mom does crave attention, so she did enjoy the appointment as the Dr spent quite some time asking her varies questions in between doing some 'memory' tests. And I just sat in the corner listening. Hope this helps, good luck.