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My Mother died recently and my Husband died a week ago

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,735
0
Happy Birthday @Little moth . Enjoy time with your family. They will not fill the gaps left by those you have lost but being with others you love and who clearly love you is wonderful. They will be grieving with you too. Take good care x
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
Thank you all, this morning I was dreading the day but in fact it's been very pleasant with lots of flowers. I have a lot to be thankful for. x
 

Justmary

Registered User
Jul 12, 2018
146
0
West Midlands
Hello @Little moth , I'm sorry for your loss.
My husband is still at home, but has no awareness now. When it was my birthday I had very low expectations, but I clearly have a wonderful sister and superb friends, and by the end of the day I felt so thankful.
Have a lovely birthday evening, enjoy your flowers.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
I said a final goodbye to my husband yesterday. It was difficult but at the same time seeing how he had touched so many lives brought me great comfort. He is at peace now, no more suffering.
Thank you all for your support, it was a great help to me, helped me to cope.
Joan x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,885
0
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @Little moth
It sounds like the service went as well as it could, even though it was difficult for you
Be gentle with yourself now and dont expect to "get over it" straight away
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
I feel ungrateful. My SIL is away for the week and her husband , who has been very helpful phoned last night to say that he was going to take me to a big household and garden store to get me out of the house today. I put the phone down and sobbed.
He has just phoned, he can't make it today.
One minute I want company the next I want to be left alone.
One minute I feel strong and want to go on a solo holiday the next I don't want to go anywhere.
One minute I want to move then the next minute etc etc
I know it is grief, so, so painful. My doctor wanted me to contact Cruse, which I have done. It is hard remembering the good times, the last year or two was dreadful.
The SIL helped me to take MH's clothes to charity shops, so many nice things that had hardly been worn. I found it therapeutic, someone else would love to have a nice jacket etc.
I have kept some things that he always wanted with him, his old comb, his wallet with £10 in it, his watch, his favourite gloves, his scarf..........sorry to go on, this is the only place that I can.
I feel better for writing this, I am not in a good place for big decisions so I will try to just be.
 
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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,885
0
South coast
Just being is the best thing at the moment @Little moth . The grief is too recent and raw, so dont try making any big decisions yet
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
I've just woken up with a flashback of when my husband had died. I feel so distressed that I had to get up.
 

duchess55

Registered User
Sep 1, 2021
126
0
I feel ungrateful. My SIL is away for the week and her husband , who has been very helpful phoned last night to say that he was going to take me to a big household and garden store to get me out of the house today. I put the phone down and sobbed.
He has just phoned, he can't make it today.
One minute I want company the next I want to be left alone.
One minute I feel strong and want to go on a solo holiday the next I don't want to go anywhere.
One minute I want to move then the next minute etc etc
I know it is grief, so, so painful. My doctor wanted me to contact Cruse, which I have done. It is hard remembering the good times, the last year or two was dreadful.
The SIL helped me to take MH's clothes to charity shops, so many nice things that had hardly been worn. I found it therapeutic, someone else would love to have a nice jacket etc.
I have kept some things that he always wanted with him, his old comb, his wallet with £10 in it, his watch, his favourite gloves, his scarf..........sorry to go on, this is the only place that I can.
I feel better for writing this, I am not in a good place for big decisions so I will try to just be.
This is me. My husband died nearly six weeks ago and like you son’t Know what to do or what I want. I am going home today after staying at my daughters house since he died. She dosn’t Want me to go back yet but ai have to sometime.

Think we need to take lots of time over decisions I don’t think I could rush if I tried. Yes the grief is so so painful.x
 

duchess55

Registered User
Sep 1, 2021
126
0
I've just woken up with a flashback of when my husband had died. I feel so distressed that I had to get up.
I am so sorry. I am having lots of nightmares, not sleeping well at all. I hope you managed to get some rest and some peace. Take care.x
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
I managed to get back to sleep but feel very fragile. I have my medication to sort out, a lot of pain from a back problem, I think a walk would help me even if it is raining.
The highs and lows catch you by surprise. One day I am with SIL enjoying the day and now I have dropped like a stone. But, I need to get out of the house for a while, too much tv over Jubilee. I did enjoy it though and my husband, probably a little while ago, would have loved it. I think that hurt me. Losing the sharing. x
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
811
0
Mid Lincs
It's the surprise things that catch me out.
I got a Newsletter the other day from an organisation we were both involved in, I didn't recognise it because they have changed their packaging. My late OH was featured on the front cover so I saw his smiling face as soon as I pulled it out the envelope before I even realised it was a NL.
I just broke down, all the sadness I have felt over the last 4 months came tumbling out. I can be so hard at times.

I feel for you, bless you (((hugs))).
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
201
0
Gradually, I was doing things that calmed me. Simple things like working out the bus times to get to a shopping centre, having a cuppa, seeing life going on.
Then I got Covid, felt exhausted and very down. My garden is overgrown and upsetting to see but I have no energy to do much.
Yesterday, on a local online Gardening group I held out my hand and people have responded. When I am negative, the help will be there. It might result in some of the garden being changed and that would be hard for me, but now I know that I can't manage it on my own.