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My Mother died recently and my Husband died a week ago

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
I've been so busy since my husband died, so many phone calls and online things that had to be done. I've had family and friends rallying round but today I've been on my own and it's a deafening silence.
As my husband's speech was so poor I realise that it was mainly me talking as he constantly wanted my attention, even though he didn't know who I was.
I sat in the garden but the tears rolled down my face, later I did some work in the garden. It's so hard to get used to doing things when I want without keeping an eye on him as he often tried to do unsafe things when my back was turned.
It's so painful, I can hardly believe that he is gone. The funeral is 6th May.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
784
0
Mid Lincs
Bless you @Little moth, I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my OH just over 9 weeks ago. Sometimes I can't believe he has gone. There is a deep void in my life but I do try to keep busy. I was away last week and it was dreadful coming back to an empty house. Keeping busy is good and I'm thankful we have the lighter evenings as I found them a drag when was getting dark at 5pm.

I shall think of you on 6th May.

(((hugs)))
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
Bless you @Little moth, I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my OH just over 9 weeks ago. Sometimes I can't believe he has gone. There is a deep void in my life but I do try to keep busy. I was away last week and it was dreadful coming back to an empty house. Keeping busy is good and I'm thankful we have the lighter evenings as I found them a drag when was getting dark at 5pm.

I shall think of you on 6th May.

(((hugs)))
There is a dep void @RosettaT , and I can't seem to stop sorting things, things that don't have to be done yet. I'm going to my sister in law's house for dinner on Sunday, it's going to be hard but I didn't want to say no.
 

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
305
0
@Little moth . I’m so sorry for your loss. The first time you are on your own is very hard.
My sister and BIL helped me for the last two weeks of my husbands life even though they live 300 miles away and had to stay at a local b&b at a huge cost due to me only having a 2 bed house.
I managed to hold myself together as they drove away, I couldn’t break down due to the hurt it would cause them.

As Rosetta says, at least we have the light nights now and are able to get out into the garden……my husband died in November and it’s been a long hard winter.

I have been following your posts , you have had a very tough time and it’s very early days for you.
I understand what you mean about the silence, I sometimes get a very dry throat and realise that it’s because I have been chatting away to myself.

I wish you strength to deal with what’s ahead.
Even in grief my mantra is “ you go on or you go under” It’s not an easy thing to do but what else is there.
Take care Carole x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,049
0
Kent
It is painful @Little moth and there is a big hole. The big hole shrinks in time and the pain eases.

Allowing ourselves to grieve, to be sad, to feel the emptiness, is all we can do. The suffering has gone for those we lose but it stays with us for as long as it`s needed.

Sit in the garden with your thoughts and your memories and your tears. The sorting can wait.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
It is painful @Little moth and there is a big hole. The big hole shrinks in time and the pain eases.

Allowing ourselves to grieve, to be sad, to feel the emptiness, is all we can do. The suffering has gone for those we lose but it stays with us for as long as it`s needed.

Sit in the garden with your thoughts and your memories and your tears. The sorting can wait.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
The dinner at SIL's went well, they had gone to a lot of effort for me, and also themselves as they are hurting as well. I'm in this strange position of missing him so much but I don't miss the life I had for the last couple of years.
I can do what I like today then tomorrow the Celebrant is coming here to chat to me and daughter and two SIL's about the funeral.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
784
0
Mid Lincs
I thought having time to myself and being able to do what I liked when I liked would take away some of the sadness of losing him, but I am finding it difficult to accept that I don't need to clock watch and the number of times the thought, 'D will be wondering where I am' pops into my head, then realising that no he isn't is hard too.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
I had an alarm on my phone for 3 times a day for some of his medication, although I have turned it off I still find myself looking at the clock. I am sure it won't be the only time I have started to set a place at the table for him.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,412
0
The dinner at SIL's went well, they had gone to a lot of effort for me, and also themselves as they are hurting as well. I'm in this strange position of missing him so much but I don't miss the life I had for the last couple of years.
I can do what I like today then tomorrow the Celebrant is coming here to chat to me and daughter and two SIL's about the funeral.
So sorry for your losses. You have had an awful lot to cope with. I am pleased to note that you will have support in organising the funeral.

Try to do things that you want to do not necessarily because you feel you have to. Grief affects us all differently doesn’t it. I imagine that you have been suffering a form of bereavement for your husband (and your Mum), in recent times as you had already lost the husband you married to dementia. Hopefully, the funeral will help you to recall who he was when in good health and celebrate the good life he once had with you.

I think that you have been inspirational . Keep posting as this community will continue to offer support and you have much to offer if you feel able to.

You are in my thoughts and prayers x
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
So sorry for your losses. You have had an awful lot to cope with. I am pleased to note that you will have support in organising the funeral.

Try to do things that you want to do not necessarily because you feel you have to. Grief affects us all differently doesn’t it. I imagine that you have been suffering a form of bereavement for your husband (and your Mum), in recent times as you had already lost the husband you married to dementia. Hopefully, the funeral will help you to recall who he was when in good health and celebrate the good life he once had with you.

I think that you have been inspirational . Keep posting as this community will continue to offer support and you have much to offer if you feel able to.

You are in my thoughts and prayers x
Thank you all for your kind words.
The kind neighbour has cut the front grass, it looks much better.
I'm now sat outside MH 's shed with a cuppa and cake, just like we used to and for the first time I feel ok. So much that he has done in this bit of the garden. A pond with fish and tadpoles, trees with noisy birds, rustic paths a wild area with logs. The husband I used to have would want me to enjoy these things.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
178
0
It's my 75th Birthday today and my Husband's funeral is on Friday. Yesterday my two SIL's and husbands took me for Sunday Roast at a local restaurant. I was shown such kindness, I couldn't help having a weep or two but in a strange way I enjoyed it.
Today I know my siblings will be round, I know I am very lucky to have such caring people in my life, but there is this emptiness in me.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,427
0
South coast
Of course there is this emptiness inside you - you have lost two people who were very close to you. Its not the sort of thing you get over in a few days.

Im glad family are rallying round and I hope you have as good a birthday as possible
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,049
0
Kent
Dear @Little moth

HH04.jpg
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,676
0
Southampton
you have 2 specific gaps which nobody else could fill as they have different relationships. its good you went out and family are supporting you. have a nice birthday.