My mother didn't recognize me

[erik]

In another thread I have described how my mother has been trying to get out of the apartment at night to go home. She has calmed down now and doesn't try to "escape" anymore, but still asks to go home.

Yesterday when I came from work she asked me if she could take the bus from where we are to go "home". When I said no, she told me to call Erik and ask him to come and get her. Just to give her time to think I asked her again who she wanted me to call and she looked at me and said: - You have to call Erik and ask him to come and take me home.

I was quite puzzled by this so I asked her if she knew who I was. She just looked at me, shook her head and kept looking at me. When I told her I was Erik, there was no recognition. She just said: - Oh, is your name Erik?

I checked her temperature, because I know if she has an infection or a fever she becomes very confused, but her temp was fine.

Later in the evening things were back to normal and she knew who I was again. I guess this is the first sign that I'm slowly disappearing out of her world.

Erik

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Erik

I guess this is the first sign that I'm slowly disappearing out of her world.

It seems so, sadly.

It`s so strange though; your mother knows your name and the name still offers security, yet during this phase, she doesn`t know your face.

It has happened with my husband too. We are together 24 hours a day and yet there have been times when he has asked me if I know where Sylvia is.

 

[Skye]

I guess this is the first sign that I'm slowly disappearing out of her world.

Hi Erik

This is very upsetting the first few times it happens, but I don't think youare disappearing out of her world.

My husband is at a much later stage, and in an EMI unit. He doesn't speak at all, and he hasn't used my name for years. I doubt if he would understand the concept of 'wife'.

But on a good day he smiles when he sees me, and will hold up his face for a kiss. Even my voice when he can't see me invokes a response.

He may not know who I am, but he knows there is love between us, and that's what is important.

You will always be part of you mother's world, Erik, even if she doesn't know your name.

Love,

 

[Lynne]

Erik, it's such a horrid shock the '1st time' this happens, I do sympathise with how you must be feeling.
On the one hand there are the practical issues which non-recognition could lead to, but emotionally it's just such an awful feeling not to be recognised by a parent.
The first time my Mum asked me "Is Lynne here?" my stomach dropped into my boots & I felt quite sick.

 

[millymollymandy]

I M new to the forum but going through some similar experiences to you. what i find hard to deal with are not the times when i am not recognised but these horrid windows of clarity when Gran seems to know something is wrong and asks what is the matter with her. Does this happen to anyone else?

milllymollymandy

 

[Grannie G]

Hello milllymollymandy

Gran seems to know something is wrong and asks what is the matter with her. Does this happen to anyone else?

I certainly happened to us. In fact my husband reached the stage of asking me so many times, I decided to tell him he had Alzheimers.
But that was a very personal decision and everyone is different.
Take care xx

 

[shaz574]

hi erik

exactly the samething happend to my mum on sunday evening, it was the first time for us too. She didn't recognise me at all, just kept looking at me blankly, struggling to remember me. She rememberd going to my brother's earlier in the day for lunch but couldn't remember comming home. It really scared me, it lasted for about a hour and a half, I know it'll happen again but i'm dreading it.

 

[suzanne]

lose of recognition

Hello, Erik what you are describing happens almost nightly in our household, I chuck it under the umbrella of sundowning, the wanting to go home, take me to my other house,get Suzy is occuring each evening, the minute we decide it's bedtime or have distracted her with supper it's back to our semblance of normalityit's not a personal slight to you at all, my brother dropped off the recognition list first then one sister then the next then me, we climb back on occasionally with a name change here and there according to her whim we have learnt to laugh so as not to cry best of luck suzy/mary/audrey/lulu [take your pick]

 

[Valeria]

Hi Erik

The first time this happened, I kept on asking questions. Such as who do you think I am...Peter could never find an answer. We have periods every day now of him not remembering who I am, and it is heart breaking. I usually end up cuddling him...and about an hour later he seems to remember.

It is those stares which get me all the time....He never takes his eyes off me, I often wonder what exactly is running through his head. Without a doubt, this is one disease I would never like to live through again.

We have to grasp the rare moments of clarity whilst they still have them. I wish you luck, I know how difficult all of this is.

Much love...Anya

 

[Canadian Joanne]

The first time it happened, I had just moved my mother from British Columbia to Ontario and she was terribly discombobulated and confused. She kept asking "Where's JoJo?" and I kept saying I was there. She told me I wasn't JoJo.

At that point (nearly 8 years ago now) she hadn't yet been diagnosed and I knew very little about the disease. Her ability to recognize me returned the very next morning and stayed for a long time afterwards. Now, of course, she doesn't know me at all. I think she recognizes my face, which has to do.

 

[erik]

Today my mother has been asking me to call Erik to come and take her home again. She has at times suggested that I am her brother or her nephew! I guess in her mind Erik is a little boy.... but if that is so, then how can "he" drive her home? Well, I suppose my logic doesn't work in her world anymore.

She's also been asking where her husband is and that to me is a sign that the illness is developing faster now. My father died of a massive heart attack in 1989 and this is one thing my mother has never forgotten.

My grandmother died in 1991 and my mother has been asking about her and where she is for 2 or 3 years now, but has never once asked about her husband. Even the geriatric specialist at the hospial mentioned once that my father's death was very strong in her memory. But today she has been asking about him several times.

milllymollymandy:
My mother has never had any insight into her situation/illness. She says she's just a little "under the weather" and will be fine in a day or two and start shopping, cleaning, coocking etc. again when she feel better

Erik