my mom has beginning of vasculare demntia i feel guilty my mom talks to me evil

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by sandysan, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. sandysan

    sandysan Registered User

    Jul 12, 2014

    my mom was diagnosed with v dementia last year, two weeks ago she had a major stroke she is ok now ,
    but previous to this and now we have fallen out , because my mom switches behaviour and starts arguments , then she blames everything on me , she talks to me so evil , like ,
    your a killer you are, im ill because of you ,, your not my daughet , she tells me to f off calls me a b word , yet she knows she is doing it , she might has slight vasclualr dementia but she know she is doing this to me , and everything she is throwing in my face hurts me and makes me depressed that I cant cope with it , but because she has thrown everything in my face , I am starting to feel guilty when she dies , will it be my fault ,
    I cant go and see my mom like this , and I don't want to , my husbands dad has a month to live dying with cancer , and she talks to my husband like it , I have done everything in my power for my mother and I cant do it no more

    can anyone help please
  2. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Hello Sandysan and welcome to TP. Poor you, what a sad time you and your OH are having. None of this is your fault, but the Guilt Monster has got his teeth into you.

    Yes it's the Dementia talking, but sometimes there has always been bad feeling which gets made worse. There were times when I hated my Mum, not just her illness.
    Has Mum had a Needs Assessment yet, sadly there is no medication to help slow her illness, but she could be depressed and need some medication, or it may be a result of her stroke.I hope she doesn't live with you, if you can I would say to spend as little as possible with Mum for now. If she starts calling you names, tell her clearly that you are not staying to be called names and leave. If she rings you up, put the answer phone on and only call back when you feel up to talking to her. Talk to her GP and tell him how she is behaving.

    In all of this, you and your OH are the most important people. Your Father in law need time and attention at this difficult time.

    Please look after yourself and remember....None of this is down to you you are not to blame. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT....:D ( Shouty capitals for emphasis):rolleyes:
  3. cipramil

    cipramil Registered User

    Jun 28, 2015
    dementia talk

    My man is same. U need to learn not to take it too heart. I have been thru utter he'll emotionally but now can just let it go over my head, it is heartbreaker. I try and distract her now and have learned relaxation exercises. You carers centre can support you as well as counsellors and doctor. If u need further support ask for social worker, just go to. Her go to request one. Hope this helps.
  4. woodbrooklabs

    woodbrooklabs Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    Its very hard to cope and deal with. I'm learning things every day and this site has been invaluable to me. I've been accused of all sorts by dad. He sounds so convincing he has his sister believing he's telling the truth, mind you, she isn't far behind him in her mental state. So now both have it in for me, but aunt is good at hiding it. Dad used to just get at me over the phone, but now accuses me in front of my daughter. I just try to change the conversation. Its very hurtful, but you have to learn that dementia is a horrible disease and the person behind it cannot help what they are saying.

    Is it possible your mum had the start of dementia before her stroke, but just being picked up now? I feel for you.x

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