It was suggested on here the other day that I should start my own thread and I have been trying to come up with a title and here it is. It came about from a birthday gift from my daughter of a plastic pot full of slips of paper upon which she had jotted down memories of her youth and my role in it and so I named it my Memory Pot. I have also been keeping a journal, as many do, and mine is now 4 years in the telling since Pauline’s diagnosis with Alzheimer’s disease and that too is a sort of Memory Pot, although lots are not pleasant to read back as I have just found out. Some bits however are funny and even help me see how I have changed during this journey. Reading this paragraph back seems like a Ureeka moment somehow and so it begins my own thread.
Monday 17th July 2017
It must be awful to have this disease and knowing what's coming and when confusions and mix ups happen and preparing a meal goes all wrong and obvious things can't be remembered at all, which makes me feel worse for being so short tempered and helpless. I know she tries her best and can't help herself and somehow I have to learn to cope with it all but genuinely I can't see how it can be taught never mind learned. I keep thinking it's about respite but to be honest it's not just a real rest I need but to be able to return from it and suddenly be able to deal with it all, which I know is an impossibility.
Again I've realised I am using this journal to have conversations with myself as I have no one else and feeling sorry for myself. When I began this journal it started out as a dispassionate recording of how the condition develops never dreaming how it would really affect both our lives. An example is how I quickly and confidently made changes in the house, got the PoA’s in to place and our wills made. Somehow I missed the point that this is primarily a mental issue and physical challenges are easy to sort as against the mood swings, forgetfulness and lack of affection and even dealing with the public when something embarrassing happens. Well that's my moans over for today and I would say sorry but who to?
Monday 17th July 2017
It must be awful to have this disease and knowing what's coming and when confusions and mix ups happen and preparing a meal goes all wrong and obvious things can't be remembered at all, which makes me feel worse for being so short tempered and helpless. I know she tries her best and can't help herself and somehow I have to learn to cope with it all but genuinely I can't see how it can be taught never mind learned. I keep thinking it's about respite but to be honest it's not just a real rest I need but to be able to return from it and suddenly be able to deal with it all, which I know is an impossibility.
Again I've realised I am using this journal to have conversations with myself as I have no one else and feeling sorry for myself. When I began this journal it started out as a dispassionate recording of how the condition develops never dreaming how it would really affect both our lives. An example is how I quickly and confidently made changes in the house, got the PoA’s in to place and our wills made. Somehow I missed the point that this is primarily a mental issue and physical challenges are easy to sort as against the mood swings, forgetfulness and lack of affection and even dealing with the public when something embarrassing happens. Well that's my moans over for today and I would say sorry but who to?