My Memory Pot and other moments.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Agzy, May 26, 2019.

  1. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,194
    East of England
    I think my memory pot has got a crack in it because I have just made an error. I had it in my calendar to meet friends in London and asked my daughter if she was free. She said she was so I booked a ticket for something I wanted to see in the afternoon after our lunch and told the others. I got puzzled emails back saying that they had all arranged to come to my town because of my difficulties with care. I had completely forgotten about the conversation which took place before I went away for respite. No excuse except I didn’t have a written confirmation. Two points here, one, they didn’t consult me about the new arrangement and two, coming to me didn’t actually help because I would still have to get someone to look after him. So a well intentioned move backfired because I forgot. It could be Freudian because deep down I had it in mind that I really wanted to go to the exhibition (Sorolla Painter of Light, if you are interested) because I cannot get to them any more, and going to meet them as I thought was a good reason to be able to go. So I just went ahead. I feel that I have hardened a bit since I had a break, I don’t feel I have to conform any more and I knew deep down that I would be doing what the others wanted to do anyway because we always do. It’s a good example of well intentioned gestures not actually meeting needs.
     
  2. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    @Grahamestown, Good intentions hey, and know what you mean by hardening to them when ill judged or not helpful and sometimes the opposite.
     
  3. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Recently we have been helping one of her nieces move from the family home, and yesterday, along with the niece, we spent nearly three hours browsing through their photo albums and it was amazing how clear Paulines memories were arising from them. She regaled us with stories of back then and had us in stiches and, for that brief period of time, there was no Alzheimer’s just us being happy. A day to treasure.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,916
    Kent
    Wonderful !
     
  5. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,194
    East of England
    I have my husband’s youthful photo albums on a tipping table, so he doesn’t have to hold them, and he absolutely loves looking at them and reminiscing so I agree with you about the brief glimpse of normal conversation.

    I went off for the afternoon yesterday to an event and my son came to be with him and when I got home at nearly 7pm they were sitting side by side watching The Planets on iPlayer. It was such a happy sight that I felt happy too. Also I had had a lovely lunch and tea at my day out! Following my respite break, I feel much less ‘imprisoned’. Somehow I have a bit more steel and more patience with the idiocies and I think this helps him too.
     
  6. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Always good to get ‘me’ time
     
  7. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    I did buy a lanyard alarm which needs the receiver to be within 30 feet of the pendant but she absolutely refuses to wear it as she refuses to wear the safety ‘velcro’ slippers I bought preferring to wear ordinary slippers but stands Down the heels which make them so dangerous @Grannie G. There is just no way I can get her to cooperate on safety issues so constantly worrying.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,916
    Kent
    My husband also flattened the backs of slippers to wear them like mules.

    @Agzy. You can only try your best. If your wife doesn`t understand safety issues there's little more you can do.
     
  9. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    With trepidation I am off in our tourer caravan today and leaving Pauline on her own but neighbours and family on had should they be needed. This is my one way of me getting respite and will see a grandson and great granddaughter I only see once a year. Also having 3 nights at a 1950s Musical extravaganza camping weekend in the Midlands and home on Sunday. For over 25 years we did all this together but not really an option now as strangers and crowds cause problems. Hey ho, hope the weather improves!
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    315
    Male
    North West
    Enjoy Agzy, hope there's some sunshine
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,916
    Kent
    I hope you have a good and relaxing period of respite @Agzy.
     
  12. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Well, my visit to grandson and his family went very well and the 1950s music first night with an Elvis56 tribute which was my era. Even got asked to jive by a couple of lady members of the club I'm in, fantastic night and a long long time since I've seen so many couples jiving or indeed jived so much. Pauline is fine and was taken out shopping by her grandsons partner today which has cheered her up no end.
     
  13. big l

    big l Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    24
    Just love to you. I'm there too. x
     
  14. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    @big l Just got home and all is well although my little off legs are a bit wobbly after the dancing. My Teddy Boy jacket also got a airing on Saturday night. Hope you enjoyed it also.
     
  15. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Funny old thing this Alzheimer’s, yesterday my slippers made too much noise for her, she then said I was always closing doors too loudly and that it was cold and why wasn't the heating coming on etc etc. Today all is calm and ‘normal’. Talk about ups and downs, mind you if that is the worst of my worries I am lucky although it can be wearing when it is day in and day out.
     
  16. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Well yesterday was my birthday and it was special with family visiting, lots of cards and even 9 holes of golf with my youngest son. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was after our evening meal Pauline wondered off to the kitchen and returned with a chocolate cake and 6 lighted candles in it and she sang Happy Birthday to me. It was just like the dementia had never happened, wonderful end to a wonderful day.
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,916
    Kent
    Fantastic @Agzy. These pockets of `normality` are worth their weight in gold.

    Belated Birthday wishes from me too.
     
  18. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,957
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh how brilliant! A memory to cherish. A belated happupy burthday from me too.
     
  19. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    Thank you and somehow the fact that she asked me our individual ages several times today (today calendar wise I am 1 year older than her but only 9 months between us in reality) makes yesterday all the more memorable.
     
  20. Agzy

    Agzy Registered User

    Nov 16, 2016
    789
    Moreton, Wirral. UK.
    A lovely day weather wise today which means it has been the day to take her on our regular cemetery run to visit, clear and redecorate the 7 graves she tends. Included are her husband and two sons so such a shock though as, for the first time she not only forgot where some of them were but also who is interned in each, so so sad.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.