It has been a while since I returned to this thread but have been reading the journal I have kept on my iPad and amazing the ups and downs of the past 4 years and how fantastic Pauline has been in coping with her condition whilst insisting I still get on with my ‘life.
So, here are some entries from 2018.
WEDNESDAY 28th MARCH 2018.
I have been home from Spain for about 7 weeks and we leave for Delft, Holland, on Saturday 31st and a month is planned there at Pauline’s request although she says it will be our last as the concept of caravanning no longer attracts her as she cannot access the TV stations she normally watches with all the old repeat series from years ago.
The reason for resuming this journal are twofold in that I want to note recent changes as well as document how she copes with a long stay Caravan holiday. As for changes, nothing dramatic but significant I think in that mood swings and outbursts of temper are arising again and confusions especially regarding whereabouts. An example is that when tending the graves we have done for years she totally lost her bearings and she just stood looking around and said she had forgotten where they are. This and other recurring times of memory loss and confusion have been happening almost daily although times of great lucidity interspace with confusions.
As for future caravanning and holidays she remains non committal and gets annoyed that I want to make plans for the months ahead and yet asks me to book a cruise for us to Iceland in July 2019 and the insists on it when I hummed and hard. She even went so far to watch and listen in while I phoned up to make the booking!
As the mood swings return yet again I feel out of my depth as I find myself reacting and arguing logic and common sense even thought I know that it is neither although it is in her mind. Training or guidance courses seem a non starter as no one is doing them just now as money is too short.
SUNDAY APRIL 8th.
We have been here at a Delft caravan park on the camping club rally and most I have enjoyed, the parts outside the caravan that is. The moodiness is constant within with sharp words and looks at all I do or say. She says go off and do my walks but when I do she gets confused as to which TV remote to use and what numbers to press etc. I have written it all down but barely helps which means misery for both of us when I return. To make things worse if bad weather affects signal it is something I have done or can sort and more chunnerings of annoyance follow and all to often I make sharp retort.
Monday 9th April.
I must note that I am having to repeat things more often as her short term memory slips, not badly or constant, just noticeable as is a strengthening in her illogical obstinacy especially when shopping.
Thursday 12th April.
The TV watching is even more obsessive but it might be that as she only leaves the van to use shower and toilet block facilities and occasional visit to shops and clothes washing it is her only entertainment and comfort as my company often irritates her. This dependency on the ‘box’ means that when we have a signal failure which does occur, usually in the night when several of ‘her’ programmes are recording in preparation for day time watching, she quite literally gets annoyed and confused as to why and what have I done wrong which is so distressing for both of us.
There have been several toilet accidents lately since she had water infection just after we arrived although she insists that the infection has cleared.
Lost internet access so now posting a belated catch on last 2 weeks or so.
Monday 30th April.
Best start back at the rally where eventually Pauline stopped leaving the van on site except for shower in the morning then using van toilet throughout the day. On occasions that we lost the satellite signal for the Drama channel, which was often, she really got upset at missing even one episode of the repeats she watches constantly and which of course have been watched before.
As for the obsessive cleaning it is greeting worse by the day and it’s clean, clean, clean in every nook and cranny with cloths and wipes, it’s as though all those cleaning materials she has bought and hoarded for ages now must be used up. An example is this evening when she went to hang some ironing up and ‘disappeared’ for nearly an hour because she had everything out of the wardrobes and was cleaning inner walls and floors as though they were operating theatres.
Memory wise things are noticeably worse and she has taken to asking me to explain things for her whereas not long ago she would get angry at me for ‘helping out.’ Although the memory is slipping she has become very conscious of being overweight and has swapped to sugar free biscuits and reduced her intake of sweets considerably. Her dietary needs now involve either Weightwatchers tomato soup as an evening meal or the alternative which is a boiled egg, some cherry tomatoes plus maybe a piece of cheddar cheese or a slice of roast chicken as evening meals always followed by ice cream. For lunch it might be a crispbread and cheese spread or a slice of toast with or without a spoonful of baked beans. Very little taste and little nutrition for me but she seems happy on it. Oh, and breakfast is one weetabix biscuit.
As for emotions she is still snappy and sharp tempered but generally she is sort of sad or wistful although I can sometimes still raise a smile from her .
Thurs 10th May.
She has been rather placid and quiet but might be connected to Jimmy having operation for cancerous lymph nodes but not entirely. Out of the blue in front of my son,Stuart, she suggested I go play golf with him a game I haven’t played fo 43 years! Anyway I did and she is really insistent about me taking it up.
Spends lots of time doing Word Search puzzles whilst watching TV since cataracts removed and glasses no longer needed.
Sunday 27th May
Nearly three weeks since last entry and only issues worthy of entry are her ever-growing obsession with cleaning even about rain drop marks on car windows. Not nasty just very insistent in everything being spotless and fingerprint free.
The other if tiredness in that although she gets over 7/8 hours of sleep at night she still just dozes off at anytime during the day.
On the plus side she has not only agreed to going out for a walk but is now suggesting it providing the sun is not too bright or hot which is fine by me. This change started, I think, in Delft when caravanning as all is flat as she gets a painful hip if hills or steep slopes are involved.
Tuesday June 5th.
With just 5 days to go before my Canadian adventure starts all seems well and changes are minimal and don’t interfere with everyday life.
She is more likely to spend the whole day indoors now other than some shopping and very occasional walk with me as she much prefers to watch TV which is on constantly, and so many episodes of so many old TV series recorded throughout day and night. All these and ‘normal’ TV programmes in the evening. Rough calculation is 15 hours of watching per day, some total, and the constant sound of it is driving me mad as there is no escape.
As for the holiday all is sorted other than actual packing into the case and, in order to ease communication I have set watts-app up on an old phone so I can phone her and text her via internet which, by using wifi is free.
While on this, although it is not as far as I know dementia related but physical and in general health issues she seems to be struggling, although the infections she used to suffer with hardly happen now. She is now walking ( almost shuffling )with a pronounced stoop and very rounded shoulders and, although not exactly puffed out, she sighs and wheezes a lot and even she has commented on the speed of her looks ageing very rapidly.
